10 Ways to Empower Your Self-Love

“When I am sharply judgmental of any other person, it’s because I sense or see reflected in them some aspect of myself that I don’t want to acknowledge.” — Gabor Maté

Our tongues wag effortlessly, in the way we judge others, and without much thought or care. We can be so cruel. Why is it that we so easily tear apart and bitch on people, without the premise to take on board empathy for what might be going on for them?

And how would we honestly feel if we could hear our judgmental words from a third-person perspective: those venomous and condemning words? I know I would cringe like hell.

We seldom visualise that the true culprit in all of this is how we fundamentally feel about ourselves. The truth is, a lot of us carry a buried low sense of worth — a feeling we don’t add up to much — a sense of, 'never feeling good enough'. It’s the human condition.

The thing is, we subconsciously push this sense of unworthiness down—it’s just too uncomfortable to be fully awake and conscious of our misconceptions about ourselves. And so, by default, we innately disconnect from them — too painful to take on, we hurl them hard at others, in the form of criticism.

Naturally, this is a mindless yet instinctive way to avoid dealing with our insecurities. Yet its return is only ever an emptiness. If we were taught to accept that we humans are imperfectly perfect, yet always worthy — a commonality—we could create space to be more accepting of ourselves, and in turn, of others.

Carl Jung famously said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

The key to breaking down our insecure, self-sabotaging patterns is to honour ourselves with the alchemy of self-compassion, which is created by self-awareness. Self-awareness alters the trajectory of our self-talk.

It’s a matter of finding ways to examine our emotional reactions, our thoughts, and our feelings. For myself, I discovered that journalling all of the compliments I could recall that I've been given about my coaching, massages and articles, along with the lifetime achievements and accomplishments, gently encouraged me to build a richer and more truthful self-portrait. I chose to take on board the truth, and not the limited defaults that kept playing over and over, somewhere deep in my core.

Even to this day, I still have to remind myself not to believe everything I think, particularly when I’m not seeing any fruit to all the effort I have put into creating work; I instinctively go towards not feeling I’m enough , rather than: 'it just takes time, and to trust the process'.

Rewiring these new habits, even when they feel unnatural and tough to believe at first, will encourage the creation of new neural pathways. Gradually and with diligent consistency, a healthier reflex will emerge, empowering the fluidity of a self-loving mindset, and in turn, increasing our compassion and acceptance for ourselves and others.

Suggestions to reframe negative self-talk

Get to know your inner critic and accept that it only ever talks bullshit.

Name your inner critic with an alias — this can help lessen its influence on your thoughts. Remind yourself that this unloving censor will always be in the room, so keep your boxing gloves on.

Contemplate if you would talk to the people, you love, the way you talk to yourself. Note down the shit words you chastise yourself with. Say them aloud; this helps you acknowledge the tragedy in it.

Keep a photograph of you as a child, to hand. Look at your younger self every day. Embrace compassion for the miracle that you are and always have been — believe in your awesomeness. Because you are!

Acknowledge that your lack of self-forgiveness can be surprisingly, an addiction — caused by a lifetime of reacting to this toxic message; and generally instilled by others. Or rather, a neural pathway created by your earlier unhappy experiences which insidiously became your biased assumptions of self.

Don’t automatically believe everything you think is the truth. Always challenge it. You are not your mind.

Look at ways to take care of your thoughts with simple mindfulness techniques and learn about the mind’s innate and primal functions.

Remember that a lifetime of continual negative thinking is the cause of many chronic illnesses.

Think about ways you can choose to adopt healthier nutritional choices. A happy gut is a happy disposition. And that means more inner contentment. You ARE what you eat.

Contemplate how much sleep and exercise you have each day. Your body, mind, and soul are connected, and so this is fundamental for stability and homeostasis.

Love you,

Chantal

© Chantal Weiss 2025. All Rights Reserved.