Instead of Where Will You Be In Five Years, Try Where You've Come From The Past Five Years

2000-2024

I came to Vocal during the worst year we have lived through as a society. It was 2020, and the world shut down. I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was scrolling Instagram one night in November of 2020. An intriguing advertisement promised people could make up to 6,000 dollars by sharing their stories. The rest was writing history.

Little did we know, we were in the middle of something that would last another three years. Thankfully, we found ways to keep busy, challenge ourselves, and learn about ourselves. I found I loved to write.

For more than two decades as a Sheriff's Deputy, I developed a knack for telling stories. Writing official reports are little more than telling the story of what happened. Writing reports was a skill I got good at, perhaps even mastered.

Finding a platform to share the things I know, and the things I've imagined, I wrote. I wrote and I wrote. When I got tired of writing I wrote some more. At first, it wasn't the best quality writing. Through practice and repetition, I learned how to improve.

I might not be Shakespeare or even J.K. Rowling, but in time I got to where I felt good about what I was creating. Reads, reads, reads was all that mattered. The more reads I got the more feedback I received.

From subjects like How to Skip Work and Not Get in Trouble, to the strange murder-suicide case, that was the Big Bamboozle writer, Phillip Marshall's demise, I enjoyed the success that comes from the number of reads passing 100 or 1000. It became a point of pride.

Eventually, I started to branch out. I wanted more and more. I started writing on Medium.com. Some of those stories got read 20 thousand times. Some made hundreds of dollars. And my confidence began to grow. Why wouldn't it?

During this time, I found a career path that I enjoyed. It came with a certain amount of travel. That was one of the perks. I loved the drives, even during inclement weather. And while I didn't know everything on day one, I learned the job and started to develop confidence in myself and my abilities.

During this time, I was also trying on a new hat in my personal life. At the beginning of the pandemic, my son and his girlfriend announced they were moving in together. It wasn't that big of a deal, considering their ages, but it came with some complications because of the way things were handled.

As a single parent, I understood not overexposing a child to new influences until you thought the relationship would go the distance. Now, my son was moving in with a woman who had a child. I had yet to see the child or even meet the child. When they talked to me about it, I made them understand I wouldn't be happy with either of them if they brought a child into my life and things didn't work.

2024 went to hell-in-a-handbasket. From the beginning of the year to the end was one consistent shit show. I actually dare anyone to convince me that hell could be any worse.

First, there was the cancer. That oh-shit moment that grabs you by the throat and squeezes the air out of you. But I would deal.

My son suffered a mental breakdown. That was second, and it's been all I could do to hold him together. These things take time, right? But I would deal.

Then came the ravages of chemotherapy. I started chemo in June and still don't feel my feet. Walking is a mental chore, sometimes. But I deal.

The kids got divorced, sort of. It's complicated and not conventional, but it felt the same. And my worst fears came to be. But I deal.

My cancer markers started to go back up, meaning there was more to deal with. I pushed it back once, so I could do it again, right? How am I supposed to keep dealing with all this?

2025

What's next, you might ask. That job I found that I loved to do, well, it's disappearing. The main company failed to keep its customers happy in Illinois. So, the Illinois positions are being eliminated.

One more issue I never thought I'd deal with so early is a severe cataract in my right eye. I'll have to deal.

When you get laid off medical benefits end at the end of the month you get laid off. So a layoff on January 27th means medical benefits are gone on January 31st.

Cancer, losing my sight in my right eye, and no medical coverage. Scheduling the cataract surgery put the procedure in February. There's going to be a gap until March at some point. I'll have to deal with it, even if it means losing vision in the eye. Not much choice at this point.

Back to writing. Writing quickly became the only thing I had that helped me escape. And if you wouldn't want to escape into your imagination or vent about what I've been dealing with, I'd be surprised.

One platform is a dumpster fire right now. Medium is falling apart it's so poorly managed.

I know I can't win a challenge on Vocal. But I'd hoped to see that 50,000th read before stepping away. It'll happen whether I see it or not. Whether I write on vocal or not. But after 2024, my confidence in 2025 is being torn away.

So, thank you Vocal for giving me something to focus on for four years. My writing improved greatly because of my time on this platform. I explored a lot of different possibilities and learned about myself. Thank you to all who supported my efforts, especially those that I became friends with. You mean a lot.