Why Marriage Still Matters

In today's fast-paced, modern world, it's easy to dismiss marriage as an outdated institution. Why go through the hassle of a public ceremony when you can just live with someone? What's the point of all the strange traditions, vows, and prayers that often accompany marriage? To some, it may seem like marriage is a relic of a bygone era, a leftover from a time when religious and societal pressures dictated our choices. But despite these perceptions, marriage continues to endure, and for good reason.

At its core, marriage is about commitment—tying ourselves to another person and making a promise that isn't easily broken. The essence of marriage lies in its ability to bind us, to put up obstacles in the way of separation, and to challenge our natural inclinations to act impulsively. But why do we do this? Why do we create such high barriers to leaving a relationship?

Historically, marriage was often seen as a divine mandate—something God wanted us to uphold. However, even in a more secular age, we still make marriage difficult to undo. When we get married, we invite everyone we know to witness our vows, creating a public layer of accountability and a significant source of embarrassment should we ever want to back out. Marriage also leads to deep economic and legal entanglements, making it challenging and costly to separate. It’s as though, on some level, we understand that these obstacles, though uncomfortable, might actually be beneficial.

Consider the famous "marshmallow test" in the history of psychology. In this experiment, children were offered a marshmallow but were told they could have two if they waited five minutes without eating the first one. Many children couldn’t resist the immediate gratification of eating the marshmallow right away. Those who managed to wait were observed to have better life outcomes, as their ability to delay gratification was linked to better impulse control. Relationships are much like this scenario. There are moments when we’re frustrated, angry, or tempted by the excitement of someone new. The immediate desire might be to leave, to give in to the impulse. But marriage, with all its complications, acts as a deterrent, making it harder to act on these fleeting feelings.

Marriage is, in many ways, a giant inhibitor of impulse. It’s a structure designed to keep our wild, often irrational desires in check. By committing to marriage, we acknowledge that we, as individuals, are prone to making poor decisions in the heat of the moment. We willingly lock ourselves into a system that protects us from our own impulses because we understand that, in the long run, this structure is in our best interest.

It's normal for married couples to occasionally fantasize about a life without the constraints of marriage. However, the true value of marriage lies in the fact that these fleeting desires don’t have the power to dismantle the relationship. Marriage is an arrangement that safeguards us from making decisions based on short-term emotions, decisions that, in more rational moments, we know we would regret.

At its best, a relationship is an opportunity for personal growth and self-improvement. We are often drawn to partners who challenge us to become better versions of ourselves. But true growth and development require time and consistency—qualities that are only possible in a committed relationship like marriage. When we hop from one relationship to another, we miss out on the deep, transformative work that comes from facing our flaws and growing together with a partner.

Over time, the argument for marriage has evolved. It’s no longer just about religious or societal expectations. Instead, marriage is now seen as a psychological safeguard, a structure that helps us make better, more thoughtful decisions about our lives and relationships. In recent decades, much effort has been made to make separation easier, and while this has its place, there’s also a need to recognize the value of commitment.

The challenge today is to remind ourselves why sticking it out, why delaying the gratification of an easy escape, can be beneficial. Like the child who waits for the second marshmallow, we must learn to appreciate the long-term rewards of commitment. Marriage still matters because it helps us cultivate patience, resilience, and the ability to grow—both as individuals and as partners.