People who are always emotionally unstable are advised to do these 3 things more often!【1】

They say that adult breakdowns are instantaneous.

Well, there is a second half.

When I try to “manage my emotions” after a meltdown, I always end up getting dragged further and further away.

Every time.

I was chatting with someone, and the other person made a self-deprecating remark, “I want to love this city, but it always leaves me far away,” and when I looked up again, I couldn't stop my tears, and then I simply cried out loud;

After a fight with my partner, I sat alone on the sofa and sulked, the words I threw at each other during the fight kept replaying in my mind, my chest became more and more congested, and I was so angry that I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't wait to go up there and fight for a few more hours;

The next day there is an important report, from the afternoon onwards the brain is constantly rehearsing, will also imagine that he screwed up the crowd's disdainful eyes, and even the words of ridicule have clearly surfaced, dreaming of their own report failed to picture ......

What's more, as the thoughts ran rampant, I began to blame myself constantly:

“What's with the sudden meltdown, people must have been shocked by you?”

“What gives him the right to talk about me like that? Why can't I put up with it?”

“It's useless to worry about these useless things before things even start. ......”

This kind of “regurgitation of thoughts” makes me constantly struggle in the negative emotions of anxiety and anger, and fall deeper and deeper.

In the end, I was physically and mentally exhausted.

“Resigned to my fate”, thinking that this is how it will be for the rest of my life.

A few days ago, I watched a live broadcast by Ms. Wang Lifang of One Psychology:

“How to get rid of inner trauma for people who are always emotionally unstable?

Each of those messages that kept flashing by seemed like déjà vu.

It turns out that I'm not the only one struggling with unstable emotions.

I'm not the only one who is struggling with unstable emotions. I'm not the only one who goes back and forth into meltdowns and holds on to small things.

For this reason, I have compiled Mr. Wang's live broadcast into an article.

I hope to accompany you to explore the causes behind emotional instability.

If you are also confused by the emotional instability, deep in the emotional swamp difficult to extricate themselves.

Why don't you spend 3 minutes to read down, I believe you can gain something.

01

When you feel anxious is it really just anxiety?

To better manage emotions, we first need to know:

① In what kind of state will I be evoked emotionally?

What are my main emotions?

In a company EAP (Employee Assistance Program).

I came into contact with a visitor, A. She was a very good worker.

She is a person with very good working ability, but has been suffering from serious “speech anxiety”.

Whenever she needs to speak in public, such as making a report or speaking at a meeting, she will be very, very anxious.

Obviously, this anxiety is not a primary emotion.

A needs to find her core negative experience.

Only then could she get closer to understanding her emotions.

Therefore, I took Little A to explore this issue with me.

In the end, I realized that her anxiety came from a strong sense of shame.

This sense of shame caused her to feel bad about herself and that she was useless whenever she stood in front of people.

This all stems from the way she was raised at a young age.

When her parents didn't want her to do things she wasn't allowed to do, they kept triggering her shame.

For example:

Saying when she's eating, “Eat again, eat again, no one will like you if you get fat!”

“Flirting” with her height, ”If you're so short, no one will look down on you!”

Such continuous and frequent negativity, so that as long as she stands in front of outsiders, will automatically produce “shame”.

And when she is unable to express herself well, it will further increase her sense of shame.

“You see, I just can't, I just can't do anything right.”

And so on and so forth, in a vicious cycle.

When we explored this, she instantly felt relieved.

In fact, many times our “core emotions” are masked and then manifested in more confusing states.

This is true not only for anxiety, but also for sadness and anger.

There is a core cause behind every emotion.

We need to try to explore this part of ourselves and understand ourselves better.

Avoid falling into the “treat the symptom but not the cause” misunderstanding.