People who are always emotionally unstable are advised to do these 3 things more often! 【03】

When faced with the same thing, everyone tends to react differently, if not completely differently.

Some people act very violently, while others are calm.

What is the reason for this difference?

① Different traumas experienced.

(ii) The difference in the foundation of personality.

Let's talk about “trauma” first.

In psychology, trauma is categorized as Type I trauma and Type II trauma.

A major difference between the two is that Type I trauma is a one-time trauma, while Type II trauma is a continuous and frequent feeling of being hurt.

Neglectful and repressive parents bring us exactly type II trauma.

Neglectful parents tend to have very little positive response to their children's emotions and feelings.

For example, every time the child cries, through “I'll buy you a toy” “I'll buy you a good meal” to divert attention.

In essence, the child's emotions are denied.

Repressive parents, on the other hand, will suppress the expression of their child's emotions and feelings.

For example, the same child crying, they will be “you are not allowed to cry” “crying is useless” to let the child “find” crying is not useful, and then form a cognitive:

“You can't express your emotions”.

With this kind of trauma, we are not able to deal with a lot of emotions at a young age.

The lack of emotional awareness and experience makes us more prone to emotional instability.

Of course, this is a long term process. Just practicing it for a day, two days and a week makes it hard to feel its help.

c. Developing the ability to mentalize

The above two methods may be able to alleviate our immediate or short-term emotions to some extent.

However, if the emotions are too intense and difficult to calm down, or if we want to maintain awareness and control of our emotions in the long term, we need to develop our capacity for mentalization.

We need to develop our ability to mentalize.

The ability to mentalize involves emotional empathy and cognitive empathy.

It helps us to understand our own emotions, while at the same time being able to sort them out on a verbal level.

Simply put, mentalization is the ability to help us “see ourselves outside the box.

For example, when feeling angry about something, we might say to ourselves:

“How can I be so angry about this? It's not right.”

This kind of self-evaluation can trigger more secondary emotions, like I mentioned at the beginning of this article.

If we are able to “look outside of ourselves,” we will be in a position to realize the importance of emotional empathy:

Emotional empathy, realizing that I'm having a hard time with myself and that I can feel my body's reaction;

Cognitive empathy, realizing that the reason for anger is because I feel offended and my boundaries have been violated.

Of course, it's true that the development of mentalizing skills is not that simple.

You can try to read some more books on the subject or talk to a counselor.

Cultivate your mentalizing ability under more professional guidance.

In turn, you will be able to manage your emotions better, instead of being carried away by them.

In your dealings with others, you may find that the

have clearly experienced similar traumas.

Why is it that some people recover well and others are stuck and have a hard time recovering?

This is because the personality bases are different:

Secure personalities are able to express their true needs positively, and can recover very quickly when faced with a trauma;

The non-secure personality, on the other hand, is often in a state of inner turmoil, and therefore finds it difficult to recover from a traumatic experience.

For example, the same war trauma.

The non-secure personality is more likely to develop post-war PTSD, while the secure personality is relatively better able to get through the crisis.

So, to better manage your emotions, you need to try to tamp down your inner security as much as possible.

We need to develop our ability to mentalize.

The ability to mentalize involves emotional empathy and cognitive empathy.

It helps us to understand our own emotions and at the same time to sort them out on a verbal level.

Simply put, mentalization is the ability to help us “see ourselves outside the box.

For example, when feeling angry about something, we might say to ourselves:

“How can I be so angry about this? It's not right.”

This kind of self-evaluation can trigger more secondary emotions, like I mentioned at the beginning of this article.

If we are able to “look outside of ourselves,” we will be in a position to realize the importance of emotional empathy:

Emotional empathy, realizing that I'm having a hard time with myself and that I can feel my body's reaction;

Cognitive empathy, realizing that the reason for anger is because I feel offended and my boundaries have been violated.

Of course, it's true that the development of mentalizing skills is not that simple.

You can try to read some more books on the subject or talk to a counselor.

Cultivate your mentalizing ability under more professional guidance.

In turn, you will be able to manage your emotions better, instead of being carried away by them.