“Men Don’t Marry the Woman They Love, They Marry the Woman in Front of Them”

Men marry the woman in front of them at the time they are ready to get married,” says Tiktoker Tay Talks.

In a viral video, Tay explains that men don’t marry the woman they actually love the most, they marry the woman they’re dating when they consciously decide they’re ready to settle down.

The idea is that men will only see marriage as an option when they are emotionally and financially ready, and therefore will miss the opportunity of marrying their soulmate on account of bad timing.

According to this theory, all men have “one who got away” they often reminisce about.

As with all popular theories on romantic relationships, this one has some truth to it — but it would be a mistake to believe it applies to everyone.

Plenty of men marry women they’re madly in love with but at the same time, the most amazing, beautiful, thoughtful woman can’t make a man interested in marriage if marriage isn’t a part of his values, or if he’s not ready to get married.

How men and women see marriage

Women are brought up to fear wasting too much time in the search for a partner and missing the marriage “boat.” They’re not expected to consider for too long whether they’re ready for marriage or not, they’re expected to be ready pretty much the moment they become adults.

Women are taught it’s dangerous to date casually, and dangerous to get too involved with anyone they don’t see a future with. They’ll either break up with men they don’t see themselves married to or do everything in their power to make these men “fit” into the vision they have for the future — even though a little voice in her head keeps telling them it’s not going to work out.

Men are brought up to not even consider getting married unless they’re ready in every possible sense: psychologically, emotionally, and financially. It can get to the point where men overthink what it means to be ready and whether or not they are, which can definitely cost them precious opportunities for partnering up…

We’ve all seen a person become enamoured or even obsessed with someone despite not being close to a romantic relationship with them. While everyone else knows the feeling is not mutual, they remain engrossed in a fairy-tale, often compulsively analysing apparent signs to convince themselves there is hope. In most cases, they don’t dare to admit their feelings for fear of rejection, leaving a void of agonising uncertainty.

What if that person is you? What if, despite a reputation for level-headedness, your mind has been consumed by irrationality. Days, weeks, and months can fly by as you remain blinded by your fantasy, unwilling to accept the truth — they don’t feel the same way. Your inability to admit facts only encourages you to waste time overthinking and mentally masturbating.

The purpose of this post isn’t to give you a magic bullet solution but rather to understand why you struggle in these situations by exploring three psychological concepts. Not only will understanding these concepts help provide closure to our nonsensical behaviour, but they also offer a rare opportunity to delve into our insecurities and heal them. We have the chance to display courage in admitting weakness and commit to building strength. More importantly, it encourages us to forgive ourselves for being human and avoid indulging in a foray of negative self-talk that erodes our sense of worth and esteem.

Let’s look at three psychological concepts that can cause you to deviate from rationality and perpetually chase an unrequited love.

Cognitive Dissonance — The Agony Of Psychological Tension

Have you ever spent hours trying to decipher the behaviour of a love interest and ended up with an uncomfortable tension in your mind? While you try to maintain composure, you slowly become increasingly agitated until you boil over with a dramatic outburst or flurry of messages.

In Psychology, this feeling is called Cognitive Dissonance — the psychological discomfort experienced by a person who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values simultaneously (Festinger, 1957). When present, dissonance makes it extremely difficult to focus on anything but the…