How Long to Date Before Marriage: Find the Sweet Spot!

We’ve all heard that one friend say, “If you don’t know after six months, it’s never gonna happen!” or someone else chime in, “You need at least five years to really know someone.” So, what’s the truth? Is there a magic number for how long should you date before getting engaged? Or are we all just guessing? Let’s take a real look at how long should you date before getting married and focus on the signs that you’re ready — or maybe not so ready — to take the plunge.

How Long Should You Be Together Before Getting Engaged?

So, what’s the perfect duration for casual dating? The answer is… it depends. Surprising, right? But let’s break down some real data on what people are actually doing.

One survey found that most people are willing to wait it out before getting engaged. A whopping 51% of couples dated for over three years before they made it official. Out of those, the most common wait was over five years — 29% of folks decided they needed at least half a decade together before getting down on one knee. But that wasn’t everyone’s speed. Another 36% thought a few years were enough, and 12% decided to go for it in less than a year. These numbers prove that everyone’s timeline is a little different.

Pop culture backs this up too. Take Prince Harry and Meghan Markle: they dated for about a year and a half before getting engaged. Contrast that with Oprah Winfrey and Stedman Graham, who’ve been together for decades without tying the knot. Both couples seem happy and thriving, so clearly, there’s no universal rule.

Average Dating Length — What’s Typical?

If we’re looking at the average length of dating before marriage, the numbers suggest that two to three years is a common timeline. In fact, many relationship experts say that’s a reasonable amount of time to know someone well enough to feel confident about getting married. You get to see each other’s habits, quirks, and how you both handle life’s ups and downs. Plus, it gives you time to cover bigger questions like finances, family goals, and career plans.

The idea of a “trial period” before marriage is big in today’s culture, with a lot of couples moving in together to test out living with one another. But there’s a bit of a risk involved here. A national survey from the University of Denver found that people who moved in together before engagement had a higher divorce rate (34%) than those who waited until after they were engaged or married (23%). So while cohabitation can give you a taste of married life, it may also create complications that could affect your decision down the line.

Questions to Ask Before You Get Hitched

Instead of trying to find that “right” number of years, maybe the better question is: are you and your partner actually ready? I have some questions for you to consider that don’t include simple timelines.

1. Do You Feel Comfortable Being Yourself?

If you’re constantly putting on a “best self” mask, you’re not ready for marriage. When you’re with someone long enough, they’re going to see the real you — bad days, messy moods, you better know what else. If you can both handle each other at your most unfiltered, that’s a good sign. It’s easy to show the best side of yourself for a few months, but can you be that real after two years? Three years?

2. Have You Talked About the Big Stuff?

Money, kids, career goals, family obligations — these aren’t always romantic topics, but they’re important for a long-term relationship. If you’re avoiding these conversations, it might mean you’re not ready. Maybe your partner has different financial goals or lifestyle preferences, and those things don’t just magically align after a proposal. Look at the couples who waited five or more years. Odds are, they took that time to figure out if they agreed on these big issues!

3. How Do You Handle Conflict?

Even the best relationships have conflicts. The key isn’t avoiding arguments but knowing how to get through them. If you and your partner can’t communicate or always end up in “silent treatments,” it’s probably time to work on those skills before you get married. Being able to argue properly is way more important than your dating timeline. Just think of all those sitcoms with couples bickering over silly misunderstandings — funny on TV, but it’s not exactly what you want in real life.

4. Do You Share Life Values?

It’s easy to get caught up in the honeymoon phase and think love will conquer all. But long-term compatibility often comes down to values. Do you both want the same things out of life? Think about Jim and Pam from The Office: they shared goals and values that made them work, even through job changes, a couple of kids, and everything in between. If your values align with your partner’s, that’s a big green flag.When Life Throws You a Curveball, Can You Handle It Together?

The question of any relationship is how well you handle life’s curveballs together. Job losses, family issues, health scares — these things can shake up even the strongest relationships. The question isn’t if you’ll face these challenges; it’s how you’ll handle them as a couple.

If you’re dating someone and you’ve already gone through some tough times together, that’s a good sign. Maybe one of you has had to move cities for work, deal with a family emergency, or a major disagreement. Couples who make it through these tough patches with their bond intact are often the ones who end up the happiest in marriage. Think of Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell — they’re super open about their ups and downs, and it’s that realness that keeps their relationship strong.

What the Stats Say vs. What Real Life Says

While statistics offer insights, they’re just averages. Sure, many of those who wait until engagement or marriage to move in together tend to stay married longer. But don’t let that dictate your every move — plenty of couples who lived together early on have had long, happy marriages. At the same time, not every couple who waited had a perfect marriage. You’ve got to weigh what feels right for you.

So, how long should you date before getting married? There’s no perfect answer, but if you and your partner have already faced life’s big challenges together and come out stronger, you’re probably on the right track. In the end, it’s less about the length of time and more about the quality of time and how you’ve handled what life’s thrown your way.