Feeling that “the more your partner looks at you, the less you see,” may not be a lack of love, but you ignore the crisis!

Have you ever had the same type of partner?

At the dinner table, the two of you are each picking at the rice, playing with the phone, no communication;

After dinner, you are in the kitchen to brush the dishes, TA in the living room to watch TV, do not take care of each other;

Before going to bed, you read a book at this end, TA brushes Jitterbug at that end, like a roommate;

TA and others on the phone to talk and laugh, you and TA talk back only “uh, oh, uh” .......

Recently, a friend complained to me that her husband is like this.

She said she would rather have a big fight with him than face his silence every day.

Not wanting to talk, not having anything to talk about, and not getting divorced, each putting on their own monologue.

The atmosphere at home is like a pool of stagnant water, lifeless;

It's also like a deep, bottomless sea that swallows up the emotions and energy of both parties.

Why has the relationship developed like this? Is there any way to change it?

Today, One Psychology would like to talk to you about “marital aphasia” in intimate relationships.

01

Can't get divorced, can't talk

Very often, we always worry about fighting before marriage, but after marriage, we realize that the fight is not just a fight.

I once watched a solid short movie called “The Husband's Secret Brief”, whose unveils the current state of marriage of countless middle-aged couples -

As usual, the wife comes home from work after buying a bento and faces the empty house to eat alone.

What's different is that the wife inadvertently picks up a cell phone and sends a message to her husband as a stranger:

“Where are you?”

He subconsciously lied: “Still working overtime.”

The wife asks:

“Why is it that when you are a husband, you always don't come home early?”

The man knew it was a wrong message from someone else, and at that moment, sitting in the car, he spoke his true heart:

“I don't know what to do when I go home.”

“Going to work as an employee, leaving work as a husband, not going home at least you can not look at your wife's face.”

The wife continued to press: “Then do you still love your wife?”

The man replied helplessly, “Love my wife, but it's tiring.”

Later, when the wife fell asleep, the husband quietly went home to wash and rest.

This is a true portrayal of how two people get along during the weekdays.

The husband would rather hold his cell phone and chat with “strangers” than go home earlier to be with his wife.

At the end of the video, it is even more choking.

The husband says, “I miss my wife when she was young.”

The wife returned to him: “Maybe she also misses the time when she wasn't your wife.”

Perhaps this is the reality of many couples:

Habitual late return, outside than home comfort, cell phone is more interesting than the pillow ......

Both parties under the cloak of marriage, to fulfill the duties and identity as a husband or wife, but the extreme lack of emotional interaction.

This feeling, like a “blunt knife cutting meat”, can not end everything quickly and painfully, long-term torment in the human heart.

In psychology, we call this emotional state “false intimacy”.

Such marital problems are very common in psychological counseling.

Recently, I had a visitor who said to me:

“Sometimes I want to communicate, but he is just silent, just fight with me or not, it's too suffocating.”

She also summarized her marriage of more than ten years in one sentence: it's meaningless to keep it, but not to want it.

Indeed, for the lonely soul, a fight is better than zero communication, at least it means that each other on the relationship still expect.

On the contrary, has been “cold violence” continue, the end of the marriage, there is and only one, that is “the end”.

See next post 2