Divorce, Debt, and a Child: The Expensive Lesson at 29

I Was Wrong.

I'm a 29-year-old woman. Like many other girls, I graduated with a degree in Literature from a university of education. I didn’t grow up in a happy home—my parents constantly fought—so from a young age, I had one big dream: to have a happy family of my own. I knew that to build something like that would take compassion, understanding, and sacrifice.

I’ve always been someone who tries hard. Since my first year in university, I’ve worked as a private tutor to support myself. After graduation, I taught at a school during the day, tutored in the afternoon, and waited tables at a barbecue restaurant at night. I don’t know… I guess I’ve always been afraid of poverty, of hardship, of being in an abusive home—afraid of being blamed, yelled at, cheated on. Because that was my daily reality growing up. So I ran. I would rather wear myself out working than be stuck in that toxic space. I even took self-development courses, but the more I learned, the more hurt I felt inside.

Then I met him—my now ex-husband. He came from a difficult background too. I felt sorry for him, and for everything around him. We were together for a year before he said he wanted to break up. He told me he couldn’t accept my family situation—but he would reconsider if I could prove my financial stability. That’s when my pride kicked in. I showed him I wasn’t poor—that I had "enough" financial security. I even showed him my bank account balance. He agreed, and we got married.

Soon after, I got pregnant with a baby girl. We decided to move near my parents' home to build our life. I had already been running my own tutoring center, so it made sense to stay close to continue working. I knew he probably wasn’t comfortable living near my family, so we moved out and rented a place of our own.

But after we got married, he became addicted to online gambling. To be honest, losing money wasn’t surprising to me—no matter the situation. I paid off his debts, sold my house and my car, borrowed money from close business contacts. Not once did I think about leaving him, because deep down I desperately wanted a family that could simply sit down and eat dinner together. I hold on to that dream—maybe out of selfish longing.

Then came the second lesson: one day, I hit rock bottom. I couldn’t earn enough to pay off our credit card debt. He held a knife to my throat while I was holding our 5-month-old baby. I was devastated, but still in disbelief. After I transferred the money, he hugged me like nothing had happened.

It kept happening—more debt, more threats. I still didn’t consider divorce. Until the day he physically attacked me in front of my entire staff. All the pain, humiliation, and trauma from my childhood came flooding back. I broke down crying like a child.

At 2 a.m. the next morning, I took my baby and walked out. I stood on a bridge, ready to end everything. But the weight of responsibility—money, relationships, family—pulled me back. I didn’t want to run away. So I went home, filed for divorce, and listed out our debt. A nice round number: 2 billion VND.

Now, I bury myself in work. I'm crushed under debt, and the aftermath of it all keeps unfolding. But I’ve learned one thing: it all came from my own stubbornness.

29 years old. A single mother. In debt. And uncertain about the future.

Still, I hope—after all. I’ve been through—that life will finally show some mercy to me and my daughter.