After a relationship breaks down, should you get a divorce? Those with experience tell you the truths about marriage.

Not long ago, I saw such a post. The poster chose to be a full-time mom after marriage. She not only took good care of the family but also did a great job in educating the child.

Her husband has a very good salary but works in a different place all year round and only returns to his wife's city on holidays.

In the eyes of outsiders, this is a happy middle-class family.

However, in a marriage with few reunions, the poster has endured too many trivialities of life.

Later, the poster accidentally discovered evidence of her husband's infidelity. Although very angry, she hesitated about whether to get a divorce.

She has put in too much effort into this family. She hasn't had a job since marriage and depends entirely on her husband to support herself and the child.

If they divorce, what about the child? What about her own future?

After divorce, everything has to start all over again, which also means that the efforts of the first half of her life are in vain.

A netizen's answer is very incisive:

"Only you have the right to decide whether to get a divorce."

Love is romance and roses, but marriage is the practice of real life.

No matter how intense the feelings are, they will eventually be implemented in the down-to-earth life.

Nowadays, with greater life pressure and in the fragmented life, the divorce rate is rising continuously.

Facing the fact of a broken marriage, many people are stuck in the abyss of marriage. After many sleepless nights, it is very difficult to make a choice.

In fact, by understanding these three truths of marriage, you will know whether to get a divorce.

I once saw an interview with a lawyer who had handled hundreds of divorce cases. She said this:

"In today's marriages, the traditional seven-year itch has gradually shortened to three or five years. More and more people believe that if it doesn't work, just get a divorce."

However, once you enter the siege of marriage, it's not so easy to get out completely unscathed.

Divorce will involve property division, and the time cost is also very high. Just the cooling-off period requires a month.

This is actually also giving marriage a time for review:

When there is a problem in a marriage, think about whether the other party has more problems or you have bigger problems?

When did the contradictions start to increase? Why has it come to this point?

If these questions don't have a clear answer, even if this relationship is divorced in a muddled way, the same thing will still happen in the next marriage.

I once saw such a true confession story:

The relationship between the wife and her husband is very good. Before having a child, the two could协商解决 many problems they encountered.

After the child was born, the mother-in-law came to take care of the child, and conflicts between the wife and the mother-in-law began to appear.

The mother-in-law sometimes has no sense of boundaries. She comments that the scar from the wife's cesarean section is too ugly. She always finds something to quarrel with the wife and also intervenes in the child's education from time to time.

Fortunately, the husband is relatively supportive of the wife. Every time there is a problem, he can always stand by her side and give support.

Even so, the wife feels that she really can't stand her mother-in-law's behavior but is distressed that there is no one else to help take care of the child.

So she asked the emotional mentor: Should I get a divorce?

The mentor said this:

"You must first learn to solve the problems in marriage. Otherwise, there will still be mother-in-law and daughter-in-law problems in the next marriage, and maybe your husband won't support you."

Later, the woman first determined her sense of boundaries and tried to set rules for the family. After a period of running in, she perfectly solved the problem between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Marriage cannot be impulsive. When it comes to divorce, it needs to be even more cautious.

It is not just a matter of two people. It will involve two families and children.

Some people choose to linger in marriage. Even if the other party is extremely bad, they are unwilling to come out.

Some people regard divorce as a savior. As if as long as they divorce, a new life will begin.

A family therapy master said this:

"Divorce is not the solution to family problems."

If the root cause of contradictions in marriage is not solved, changing a person is just going from a wolf's den to a tiger's lair.

Whether to divorce is not important. What is important is to have the ability to solve problems in a marriage.

We must make decisions in a clear state, which is the basic respect for marriage.

Marriage is not child's play. Most people can't get divorced just because they want to.

Sometimes people want to reverse the situation through divorce but find that they don't have the capital to extricate themselves at all.

Divorce lawsuits often hide the darkest and cruelest side of human nature. The two people who once made vows can turn into enemies who haggle over every penny.

Ending a marriage is often much more difficult than starting a relationship.

A lawyer friend of mine handled such a request for help:

A woman has been married for 10 years, and her relationship with her husband has broken down. So she is determined to get a divorce.

When the lawyer friend learned that her monthly salary was only enough to maintain her own life, she advised her to be clear-headed:

"Your first consideration is not divorce but to improve your ability to earn money first. Because with your current salary, even if you fight for child custody in a divorce, you will be at a disadvantage."

Divorce is not being free and easy. It has many practical constraints.

Without money, one can only temporarily endure.

If you can cover all the expenses of the child without relying on anyone, then you can get a divorce with confidence and start a beautiful new life.

A person should have the ability to make money at any time so that they can be themselves. Even if they are in a quagmire, they have the ability to resist the world.

I once saw the story of a female guest in "Chinese Style Blind Date".

She was unwilling to force herself to stay in a bad marriage. At the age of 35, she chose to leave the house with nothing in order to fight for child custody and got a divorce.

In order to give the child a better life, she could only try every means to make money.

Since she hadn't worked for a long time, she tried to open a clothing store and a noodle shop. With her own vision, she gradually had her own business and her business was booming.

Now, with her ability to make money, she has given herself and the child a comfortable life.

She said this:

Thank that marriage. Otherwise, she would never know how important economic independence is.

Marriage is never the savior of life. Oneself is the most stable support.

Just like a sentence by writer Liang Wendao:

Whether it's a man or a woman, if they don't have the ability to live on their own, then they don't have the ability to live a good life with others.

The romantic affairs in love will always turn into the trivialities of life.

At the end of marriage, it is often a dispute over interests.

Only by not being bound by economy can one have the freedom of marriage.

No matter what happens in marriage, one should have the ability to be economically independent.

The ability to make money can protect love when marriage is sweet, and it can also be the strongest trump card to protect oneself when marriage falls apart.

In the battlefield of marriage, one wrong step can lead to a complete defeat.

In a divorce, no one is a complete winner.

In the life stress ranking of Washington University School of Medicine, divorce ranks second in terms of stress.

Divorce is never a light statement. It can cause great harm to both husband and wife and even lead to mental breakdown.

When marriage shows red lights, cutting losses in time is a kind of wisdom, and choosing to repair is a kind of ability.

There was once a post that asked this question:

"Why stay when marriage is not perfect?"

A highly praised answer is like this:

"There is never a truly perfect marriage. Even if you divorce, the next marriage may not be better than the present one.

Every marriage has countless reasons to leave, but many marriages may last until the end because of one reason to stay."

I once saw such a sentence:

"There has never been a truly perfect marriage. The so-called ideal family is a family with restorative power."

When cracks appear in marriage, it is the beginning of a real intimate relationship.

Just like when there is a crisis in our marriage, from another perspective, it may also be a turning point.

If there are no principled problems, you can try to repair the marriage.

If you are in a tangled marriage but are not willing to give up. Perhaps, you can try the following methods.

First, establish an intimate relationship that can be attached to.

The main reason for many marriages to break down is that couples have not established an intimate relationship. So when affected by external forces, it will be shaky.

Second, know how to empathize so that you can get along with each other for a long time without getting tired.

Everyone is eager to be seen. When a partner talks, we should give a positive response to meet the emotional needs of the other party.

Finally, you can try to give marriage a salvage period.

The best marital state is that even if there are many problems, people are still willing to jointly repair the relationship. Only such a marriage can withstand for a long time.

We give it a salvage period, give the other party a chance, and also give ourselves a chance.

I once saw such a passage:

"People in our era treat marriage like a refrigerator. When it is broken, we repair it repeatedly and always think about fixing it. Nowadays, young people always want to replace it when it is broken."

The end of a marriage is not an impulse overnight.

A good marriage is definitely not about you enduring and me tolerating. Instead, we should learn to manage it.

Just like the flowers on the balcony. We look forward to the moment when the flowers bloom. But when they don't bloom, we also need to water and fertilize them.

From now on, be responsible for your own life and cultivate the restorative power of marriage. Perhaps marriage will change.

In the long journey of marriage, only by going towards each other can we have a happy life.

I very much agree with such a sentence:

"Marrying different people requires facing different problems. No marriage doesn't need efforts to manage."

A marriage that can last a lifetime may not be all happiness. Sometimes it also goes through trivialities.

When there are cracks in marriage, whether to end it or repair it never has a standard answer.

It is a decision that should be made based on personal needs and often depends on one's own choice.

Either choose what you can bear, or bear what you choose.

For marriage, whether it is leaving quietly or staying bravely, we should all go towards happiness.

May you cherish the person beside you when marriage is going well. When there are twists and turns, you can also have the ability to turn around at any time.