What People Get Wrong About Self-Love and Happiness

“Love yourself first and then everything else gets in line. You have to really love yourself to do anything in the world. ”~ Lucille's football

A few weeks ago I was at a party, and the conversation sometimes turned into a joke.

I suggested that lifting weights was an important job for anyone who wanted to take care of his own health, to which an obese man I did not know responded angrily, “Hell no! Lifting weights is due to shallow, insecure friends who can feel good about themselves without looking inappropriate. ”

He added, "I'm not working, because I love what I am and I have no proof!" He looked at me directly as he said this last part. Strangeness, as you can imagine, was lost to him.

The thing is that I used to look like him. By the time I was in my early 20's, I was extremely thin and underweight, which can be as bad as obesity.

I looked like a hungry refugee, I was always sick, and I was always weak. I strongly refused to lift weights, eat more than I would like, or do anything to stand up for myself, on the grounds that self-confidence and honesty require that I refuse to change.

I tried to reassure myself that I was really happy.

My attitude changed when I first met people who were really healthy - people who played sports, lifted weights, and gave up fast food and donuts in search of a better life.

What impresses me about them is their good thinking; they loved themselves and their lives, even though they were pursuing goals that would rebuild their bodies in a wonderful way. That, in turn, encouraged me to take the responsibility seriously, and to move on with my self-esteem and confidence.

Exercise had given me a false dichotomy: that you love yourself and don’t feel like you want to change, or that you hate yourself and that motivates you to want to be better.

What I have noticed is that it has not been how successful change works. People who succeed in any kind of self-improvement, like my new acquaintances, love themselves from the start.

As soon as I started to cut back on weight and exercise, I realized that I too had made a similar mistake in other areas of my life. I didn't take school seriously because I was always a slacker, and I thought I just had to accept that for myself. I was shy and timid, but I refused to develop my social skills because that’s just who I am, man.

Think about how you would react if your son or daughter got an F in math class. You would not ridicule them for their failures, but you would not simply accept that they would never be good at math. Instead you could force them to do better, and then offer to teach them, and you would do it because you love them and want the best for them.

Treat yourself the way you would your child: push yourself to be the best, because you love yourself and believe you deserve good health.

Books and movies usually follow the same story: the protagonist is unhappy, and then he succeeds in everything, and then he stays happy all the time. And then, if you have read the history of the most successful person, you can see that while they are often unhappy, they are happy long before they “do it.”

Joan Jett was happy when she became an artist, not when she became a star.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was very happy when he won the competitions, and disciplined himself when he did not meet his standards. And, of course, he was one of the happiest people on Earth from the day he started building the body, long before he became a champion.

We must always have goals. Once we have met our goals, we need to set new ones. And that means we can't hold back happiness from ourselves as a way to motivate ourselves to those goals.

Happiness and self-love are not the rewards of accomplishing our goals. They are the necessary foundations for pursuing our goals.

I love my body, and I work to put on more than 20 pounds [20 kg] of muscle. I am proud of the progress I have made in my career, and I am working towards building a successful business. I love my personality, and I work hard to be a happy and close person.

So remember: love yourself, and choose to be happy. Set realistic goals for yourself, in all areas of life. Pursue those goals, because you love yourself and believe you deserve a better life.