The Problem with a Heart
Wellness Goal - Or Die Trying
Between waking up in the middle of the night, convinced that I will die if I go back to sleep, to passing out and breaking my nose, 2020 ended on an interesting note.
I had spent the last two years battling an irregular heartbeat, that I have been told over and over there is nothing wrong with me. I'm not even 40, so being low risk for anything makes the doctors overlook everything, however November changed all that. After sitting in a chair in my dining room - covered with 6 blankets and sipping on a cup of chamomile tea- shaking and shivering uncontrollable to four straight hours, my heart rate wavering between 112 and 147, my breathing normal and blood pressure steady. It was the scariest night of my life.
After battling this chest pain for seven years, the irregular heartbeat for two, and sporadic headaches and panic attacks for the last 6 months, my body was at a breaking point. The night had left me exhausted for weeks. It was hard to think, hard to wake up, hard to go to sleep. It was mid-day, a few weeks later when i started feeling exceptionally strange again. I messaged my boss and went to the E.R. where they basically dismissed what I was trying to tell them, because there were no symptoms. As I sat there, waiting to be discharged from yet another waste of time and money - it happened.
The chest pain started in my back, right behind my shoulder blade, moved to a dull, yet sharp ache in my left arm, then travelled up the left side of my neck to behind my hear and my heart rate shot up to 120. I paged the nurse and weakly pointed to the machine, which was now going off the charts. The doctor had nothing helpful to say, basically when this happens, ride it out. I could feel myself getting weaker each day.
Last week, I had a nuclear stress test, as I had failed my regular one last month. I failed this one as well. So my goal for the year is to fix my heart. I do not know what that looks like. Some day I can not walk, for fear of blacking out, some days I have all the energy in the world. Regardless of the day, I attempt to stay positive and see the progression instead of the fear. I try to see life instead of death.
This year will be taxing, hopefully not on my body, but undoubtedly on my wallet. Next step is cardiology- again- and hope they can find and fix it this time. It is a fearful time- yet filled with hope. My nine year old girl has anxiety for me, and I am showing her how to cope with that. We pray a lot, and try to find all the reasons to laugh. "mom will get better" and she know it.
The good times will come and go, but this year, my goal is to attack this pain and get it fixed. In addition to that, to stay positive and not let fear, uncertainty, cynicism, and doubt keep me down. Taking care of my heart is priority, on all levels. I am convinced, and certain that this too shall pass, and life will go on. I will see my girl blossom and bloom into a beautiful, loving lady and I will someday get to hold my grandchildren. For now, staying positive and being thankful for every day I get to wake up, never taking anything for granted and living life to the fullest will suffice.
About the Creator
Emily Atchley
I love to write! I love to let the world slip away, turn my mind off and write what it in my heart.
My favorite things to write about are what i lovingly call "Spiritual Whispers" things I hear in my heart from the Universe.
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