Okay

In 2017, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). The thing with MS is that there is no definitive evidence of the causes, and there is no cure, but, there is treatment. This autoimmune disease is known as a snowflake disease, which means that no one goes through the same experience. For me, the experience is still surreal after all these years. I honestly don’t know how I got through it.

After being discharged, I had played the whole situation off as if I had put a bandaid on it. The scab would hurt for a little while, but overall, you don’t notice anything, and yet still noticeable. That is how I acted after being discharged; like I had put a bandaid on a scab. However, that all backfired when I was drinking. To say that time in my life was a mess would be an understatement. Everything I knew was about to change, and I was not ready for that.

Another thing about going through MS is that it is not just you but, your family too. Well, that was my case. So not only was I attempting to come to terms with what just happened to my body, but I was also facing my loved one's reactions. Don’t get me wrong; I am very appreciative that they were by my side. But it was a lot all at once.

My mum had gone into a ‘hyper Asian’ mode. Which means she was stressing and trying to come to terms with what just happened. Her stress turned into a hunt to find ways to improve my lifestyle. One of her best findings was for me not to eat red foods such as tomatoes - Yeah this still confuses me. But with all her craziness, I understand her reasons. She had wanted to create a sense of control in her life, but more importantly, she was just worried and wanted me to be healthy again.

At the time, my ex-boyfriend was going through his family issues too. He was one of the people whom I played off the situation. At the time, I didn't feel comfortable enough to talk about it to anyone, let alone him. I think one of the reasons is because he had been in his own world. It was still hard to communicate about how I felt. It was as if I was talking in an empty room by myself. I understand why he was like that, but, I had felt as if I was not being heard, or loud enough.

Writing and remembering all of these events, it still feels like it happened yesterday. The memories are as bright as the blue sky with a random white fluffy cloud. Just there questioning the random fluffy clouds.

That whole week had happened so ‘out of the blue’. But it did teach me that you cannot control everything around you. That you are always still learning. That listening to my body meant knowing when to rest when to push myself and lastly, how to breathe. By understanding and acknowledging these teachings, I know that I can do anything. I know whatever obstacle is to come my way I can handle it and come out the other side more robust and more fearless—knowing that it will be okay.