Nothing Is Like Bitter Sweet

I wanted to write this today to show people how things can be difficult if one lives with one mental health issue, for me living with it comes with a price. A price that I've regretted when I wasn't thinking straight; I couldn't really pull myself out of it this time, I was in far too deep. Despite what was going on around me, I still couldn't seem to get out of it no matter what, sometimes I have to apologise for what my actions may have caused while I was unable to pull myself out of it.

Hang on a second, let me just go and do something first; I will then return back to continue this post for you guys. It's not going to be easy but I have to take the first step. It's the first time that I've actually had a major anxiety attack in a very long time; I knew it was coming because it was the feeling of being sick, the anxious feelings at certain times of the day. The hardest bit I think is not having someone wrapping their arms around me; holding me tight making sure that I was going to be alright, safe and most importantly knowing that I can trust them to help me pull myself out of it.

The worst bit is when one is in that frame of mind, you start to look for things that you can blame on yourself or on others, so it can trigger even more anxiety. You can't help it; the nature of anxiety means you have to be careful, no matter how things wind you up or how selfish other people are you think you just want them to get over themselves and grow up.

Each morning, no matter how hard it is for me to get up on some mornings, I still manage to put on makeup, do my hair and look ready for the day. No matter how much I don't want to and wish I could stay in bed all day and recover from the whole attack, I still have to press on and carry on the day like nothing has happened. Well after a few hours of actually completing my hair and makeup, which shouldn't have taken as long as it did, I'm back to work with writing this blog, even though I'm so tired but heyho as least it's nice and sunny today.

Today's agenda is not really much but probably consists mostly of sleep and working on blogs. I'm trying to catch up on myself a bit as I didn't do much for the last couple of days as it has been quite difficult think of what to write. The joys of the after effects of having anxiety attacks is that they are really tiring and you can't do much the next day; sometimes I'm alright and get on with it, and nobody knows because I get through it all.

78 words left to go and I'm starting to ramble; rambling isn't it good in my opinion unless you're making sense of what you're talking about, or knowing where your going with it all. Does anyone else do this when they can't think of anything to write? I did it all the time when I was a kid doing exams when you have to do x amount of words in an essay. I'm not much of an essay fan it freaks me out. But yet I'm doing blogs of 600 words and have now gone over haha. The joys of anxiety and what not make you do things you really don't think you're good enough to do.