Living life without images!! short story

Aphantasia is not something to be feared, it is not something that can hold us back and it does not mean something is wrong with us.

This is my story of how I Discovered that I had Aphantasia, blind to the minds eye.

Images -

As a child I always struggled with my imagination, I never liked to watch movies or tv shows until I was 3. I never played with dolls I reckon this was because I couldn’t imagine a story for all of the dolls I had. As I grew up I found it more and more hard to see images in my mind , sometimes I see a outline but most of the time I see black. I cannot see a apple or a bouncing ball or even my parents faces. I can’t see my animals or why my own house looks like. And sometimes it makes it so I can’t recognise faces and that’s including my own , I forget my own hair colour , what my eyes look like, my lips, my nose. It’s a work in progress

Sound -

I could never get a song stuck in my head I found it really bizarre how other people can think of a song and remember it. I could never remember a melody or a tune not even a beat, I had a rough idea but that was more logical and not imagination. I knew what type of songs I liked to listen to but hearing the song in my head was a impossible task it was almost like someone telling me the most unrealistic story. Not only songs I couldn’t hear but I couldn’t hear my own thoughts, I would run on auto piliot and never think of what I was saying, it was like I was thinking but I was not able to hear myself.

Memory-

When I was little I got diagnosed with adhd as my memory was so bad but until I got older I didn’t realise tat wasn’t it as I wasn’t hyper and I didn’t follow a lot of the symptoms. Doctors thought I was many different things and they put me on a lot of different medication but what I have can’t be cured by medication so I decided to embrace it Instead and do exercises to challenge my mind. My memory is very short lived and lasts for no more than 2 seconds but I don’t forget it just hides in my mind. I will forget conversations and tasks I am asked to do, if someone asks me “how has your week been” I would say “it’s been good” because I don’t remember and I don’t have anything else to say .

My minds eye is such a complex part of the human brain that unless I get reprogrammed like a robot there is no quick fix.

But I’m okay with this I carry on experimenting with my own brain leading how to love what I have , and talking to everyone about their experiences.

I started to write this because I really enjoy writing, sharing my stories and connecting with people of all ages who experience something similar to me , we are all in this together. Love yourself.

Hattie xxxx