Liquid world of health supplements

Every day, it appears that we are living in a more fluid environment. I’m not advocating for a new era of prohibition to save us from sin and politics, nor am I preaching against the dangers of alcohol. Water is a liquid, after all, and it rarely inflicts us with sin or politics.

However, we expect everything to be painless these days. Thus liquid is the preferred operating system.

Don’t you have time to eat? Grab a liquid breakfast and get out the door. Start slurping as soon as you get out of bed, then smack your lips to the last drop as you rush out the front door if you can locate a long enough straw. Bye.

Do you remember when soap was available in bars? Sorry, I guess I’m beginning to show my age. Everyone now uses liquid soap.

I reached for the soap the other day. No, hold your horses. I took a deep breath and grabbed for the hand cream. Was it the soap, or was it something else? But what if it’s the hand cream that’s the culprit? Is it better to use soap or hand cream? Which one is it?

Gratisography

People used to affix siding to the outside of their houses with nails. They now spray-on “liquid siding.” Siding, ceramic, and stucco are the three flavors available. Yum.

And now they’ve liquefied my little vitamin supplement pills as well.

“Please wait a minute. How do you know the vitamin pills were liquefied?”

Who said that?

“Are vitamins solid by nature? “Are they inherently liquid?”

Uh. I had to concede that if I came across a vitamin on the street, I’m not sure I’d identify it, in which case, I’m guessing it’d be too huge to swallow. Who is this, exactly?

“In any case, where do you suppose vitamins come from?”

I used to think they came from the rear of a corner store in a small natural where all they produce is herbs or milk, but after some thought, I think they came from oranges, fish, and milk. What’s your name?

Or they found grass on the farm.

Let’s call it vitamin xx.

“Don’t you think stuffing a fish inside a hard, small pill is difficult?”

I think I have a point.

You drink milk, don’t you?

That’s true, but that’s because it’s a liquid. I suddenly remembered a dream I had just the week before. On a conveyor belt, cow after cow enters a facility. I initially mistook it for the Annual Bovine Family Reunion, but perfectly wrapped milk containers were riding the same conveyor belt on the other side of the facility. Aaargh!

3 Cows in Field Under Clear Blue Sky · Free Stock Photo (pexels.com)

I don’t think cows like my idea!

“Squeezed. Like an orange. Are you a juice drinker?”

Yeah…

Squeezing a cow, on the other hand?

“How much do you know about liquid?”

I gave it a lot of thinking. There are three states of matter: gas, liquid, and solid. Gas is similar to politicians when they speak. The liquid is like politicians at cocktail receptions while they’re hard at work. Solid is identical to political statuary.

Everything is available as a gas, liquid, or solid. That was about all I remembered from chemistry in high school—that and how to detonate a frog that has been partially dissected. No, hold your horses. That wasn’t chemistry class, by the way. I’m a complete moron. In chemistry class, why would we have a partially dissected frog? That was in a different class. What was the name of it again? The term “home economics” comes to mind.

“Did the frog have any vitamins in it?”

That is no longer the case.

“Do you believe it’s easier to cram vitamins into a tiny, hard pill or a glass of water?”

It probably depends on the type of explosive you use. I imagined trying to fit a fish into a container. On the other hand, fish walking up a conveyor belt seemed a little out there and even less appetizing than a freshly squeezed cow. Besides, I may need to purchase fishing equipment in order to extract my milk ergh…

Fish juice from the carton.

Plant-based components are used exclusively in liquid vitamin supplements.

That is all there is to it. You may keep your cow. Would you please keep your fish? Keep what’s left of your frog. I’m going to live a completely liquid existence.

Now I have to figure out which one is the soap and which is the hand cream. And which one is my vitamin supplement in liquid form? I don’t want to accidentally swallow the soap.