Hay Fever

To all the people in the world who do not have hay fever: You suck so much.

I have had hay fever all my life. My mum suggested I had caught the seven-year cycle.

For those who aren't familiar with the seven-year cycle, there are two varieties of it that I know about.

The first: you have hay fever for seven years and then go seven years without.

The second one is you have hay fever for seven years and then go one year without it.

I'm 23 years old now. I'm not great with maths, but if I have got some sort of cycle, it really can't count.

The amount of aggravation hay fever can cause is difficult to explain. The itchy eyes, the constant runny/blocked nose (sometimes both at the same time—I guess that's why we have two nostrils though right?), the sneezing...oh my god the sneezing...I've been dubbed "Sneezey" at work. My sneezes are so loud and frequent, I can't go anywhere without getting funny looks. I have to take toilet roll everywhere I go.

Yesterday, my mum and I went to a car boot as sellers. I spent the whole day blowing my nose, sneezing, dripping snot all over the place. With all of that going on, it was a wonder we actually managed to sell anything. One man asked if I was ill and was ready to back off from the stall. No! I have hay fever! It's not contagious. Have you ever tried to talk to someone when you've got a sneeze that builds up and then goes for a solid five minutes? Complete with the stupid sneeze faces that we all make—yes even you.

My mother is exceedingly sympathetic towards me—most of the time when I'm not getting agitated with her for asking me how much I'm selling my teddy for. When we got back from the car boot on the grassy field, I went to bed and sneezed, snotted, and maybe cried a little bit until my mum offered to go to Asda and get me some nasal spray. I hate the stuff but there's only so much a girl can take. Yesterday, my mum was my hero.

Last week, not so much. She took me to a garden center. I'm going to let that sink in a second. A GARDEN center. Pollen City Central. Okay, you good? Let's continue.

So, we got to B&Q and hey presto—ACHOO! Let the games begin. People are already staring at me but we press on. There's a purple flower we have at home and mum needed more of them for her flower beds so off we went to—ACHOO! Find them... *sniff* Honestly, it's all so disgusting. Is that snot on my arm? Yeah, that would be snot. Where's my tissue? In the car. Of course it is. Oh god... Hopefully, no one notices if I just slightly wipe it discreetly on this tree leaf thing... Okay, we are good, nobody saw, nobody knows. I am a snotty ninja.

Anyway, we find the flower but we looked around more to see if there are any others that she likes the look of. I liked the Marigolds but they were a bit expensive—ACHOO! So we pressed on in search of—ACHOO! More flowers. Event—ACHOO! ually, we left and then she took me to Asda. Antihistamines, here I come!! I floated to the medicine isle—ACHOO! and I could hear the angel choir singing. I picked up two packs and continued to float to the checkout. She may have taken me to a torture chamber but at least she got me an antidote afterward.

I love spring & summer but, being allergic to it, isn't quite so fun. ACHOO!! So, to reiterate, if you don't have hay fever, you suck and I don't need your snot-less self in my life. Enjoy a much less snot-less life than me.