Goodbye My Friend Cigarette

So I was in a long term relationship with my good friend Cigarette. We first met when I was 15 years old and we’ve been close friends ever since. When I first met her she made me feel special. She made me feel like I fit in. She accepted me regardless of who I was. She was introduced to me by my friends who already accepted her into the squad. I’ve always heard about her and even seen her around in my family but I never thought that she would want to meet me.

The first drag I took of her. I choked. My virgin lungs couldn’t handle how strong she was but I took a few more drags. I didn’t want to reject her in front of my friends. My girlfriend Iris gave me a few tips on how to handle her. Iris and Cigarette had a close relationship. So she knew how to breathe her in and exhale her out. I listened to what she said. Slowly taking her in but not too harshly. And taking her back out smoothly. After some trial and error, Cigarette and I got better acquainted. We hung out everyday.

She was there for me when I felt angry, she calmed me down in those moments. She was there for me when I got anxious and she took my anxiety away. She was there for me when I wanted to have fun. We went to parties together, she even introduced me to her good friend Marijuana. She was there when I met my first boyfriend and even there when I lost my virginity. I could never let her go, she was my friend. And I was so glad that I found her because where would I be without Cigarette, I loved her.

Flash forward years later, me and Cigarette are still as tight as can be. We’re like two peas in a pod. And although my friend has tainted my health a bit, I still couldn’t let her go. I can deal with some yellow staining on my teeth, not being able to go up the steps without losing my breath, forget about running we can’t do it together, or even the gym at times. She also has a weekly spending bill that I didn’t mind contributing to. I still cared for her. She was my girl.

And then the year 2020 came and the world got hit with a virus called Covid 19. I’m 35 years old and never experienced being in a pandemic before. It was scarey. This virus had already killed many and it’s main target to attack was the lungs. Oh no, I need my lungs. And so does my friend Cigarette. But now I was caught in a battle, do I continue to be friends with Cigarette which eventually she would take my lungs with a disease called cancer or do I continue my relationship with her and potentially catch Covid 19 and that virus takes out my lungs even quicker?

I started second guessing my relationship with Cigarette. Yeah we had great times but was she really worth the chance or the risk of possibly dying? She wasn’t the only one I loved in my life, I have kids I have a husband and I loved them even more then her. I didn’t want them to suffer because I didn’t want to let Cigarette go.

So now the New Year had come and I made it to 2021. I reevaluated our relationship and realized I had to let her go. This was going to be tough. We had a bond all those years and now letting her go seemed like a heartbreak I couldn’t handle. But I had to slowly detach myself from her. I stopped buying packs of her and narrowed my intake of her to a few loosies a day. She was still hanging on by a thread though and I knew that I needed to part ways with her for good. I bought nicotine patches to aid me in weening off her love. The bond we had was so strong I thought about her all the time, I missed her. When I would see others with her it made me want to run back to my lover but I had to be strong. I had to stand my ground and tell her no whenever she crept back into my mind.

It’s been a long 3 weeks of not having her beside me. I think about her from time to time. I feel weird sometimes when she’s not in my hand. But then I think back to the reasons why I had to part ways with her. She never really loved me, she used me. She wanted full control of my life so that she can kill me in the end. Our relationship was just an illusion. We clinged to each other for all the wrong reasons. There was never true happiness with her. She just helped me mask my unhappiness with her lustful desires. I finally buried Cigarette, I don’t need her and I don’t want her. She’s buried deep in a grave I don’t ever plan to redig up. She’s old bones in a marble tomb. The last day I visited her I left flowers at her grave site with a little note that read

“Goodbye my good friend Cigarette”

And I walked away not even turning to look back. I was finally free from her wickedness. Free from her control. Free from her lies. Free from her entanglement. And free from her addiction. I am looking towards 2021 with hope and a new start in life. If there’s any advice I can give someone who finds themselves either meeting her for the first time or has been in a relationship with her for a long time. If you meet her, RUN!!! If you’ve been involved with her LET HER GO!!! You’ll be happy that you did.