DAY 1 AND 2: COVID-19 BY MY LONESOME

DAY 1

It’s only the first day of working from home, hunkering down, and I’m already worried about my mental health!

I will admit it was nice to have that extra sleep time due to not having to drive to work or even shower! Knowing I might get too sucked into living life in a fluffy robe, I did make it a point to at least throw on some camo sweats with a mismatched fleece pullover. I didn’t even care if they made me look fat! I was excited to test out my new home office, aka my dining room table complete with two monitors, a docking station, and keyboard, and have the luxury of being around my creature comforts.

Working for Minneapolis Public Schools, in the central office, we, like so many other states, closed down. Something like this brings with it an aura of excitement and fear of the unknown. Saying goodbye to my coworkers yesterday was actually kind of sad. I got a little teary-eyed when I elbow-bumped my coworker passing in the hall. Unlike so many others who can’t directly work from home and have lost their jobs, I feel lucky to be afforded this opportunity.

Being an INJF, so basically a “social” introvert, my first task was to create a group in Teams, and reach out to my fellow cubby mates! I was almost just as obsessed with our group chat as I am with Facebook!!! Throughout my workday, I found myself looking down at the window bar to see if there was a little red mark in the Teams icon, telling me there was a new message! Honestly, this is pretty pathetic! However, being a divorcee and new empty-nester, I take what I can get and cling to any form of communication.

Our team joked throughout the day, sharing pictures of our “home offices,” many with the family dog included! Side note: I’m sure our constant presence is a real doozy for our pets. They can’t figure out why in the world we are suddenly-there-always! I’d love to be a fly on the wall in their brains!!

Around noon I made the bold decision to “go to lunch.” For me, this meant making a grilled cheese and salami (this IS Minnesota) sandwich, and then taking a shower! I knew if I didn’t, the work bell would ring at 4 pm, and then it would be too late to shower, there’d be no point.

My day, or rather my mind, started to take a little bit of a turn to the over-thinking, often dorky side. All because of a bug! I opened my shower curtain and found a small bug, no idea what it was. Because I didn’t know what it was, I was bound to wash that thing down the drain. I turned on my shower, hoping it would just slide down the porcelain bug slide towards the drain. Nope! That little bugger didn’t budge! I got in the shower, hoping my body would angle the water just right. No luck. And then I started to feel guilty. Ugh. I decided today was not COBUG-20 for this fella! I used my drain plug to scoop him up into the cap, into a small pool of water (not much). Once I had him where I wanted him, I put the drain plug on the tile floor. I washed my hair and then felt compelled to check on him. He looked soggy and dead! Nooooo! I took the plug, turned it upside down, and banged it on the tile floor, hoping he’d fall out. Success! He did, and he was alive!!! I found myself, with my “inside my head” voice, saying, “you’re going to be ok little guy, you’re going to be ok,” as he crawled off.

My afternoon was fairly uneventful, except for my Amazon delivery! I have not gone nuts, like so many people have. In fact, I order groceries for delivery regularly, usually via Instacart. Knowing our local grocery stores were depleted, I used Amazon. So today, I got three cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup! Once I unpacked my soup, I made sure to wipe down the outsides of the cans with a Chloroxed paper towel, and then washed my hands. Rinse, repeat.

I am lucky that I already had 8 rolls of toilet paper from a while back. Living alone, I don’t go through much. But as a precautionary measure, I decided that if the guys can drip dry, so can I! My TP will last a looooong time now! The only thing I was really obsessed about was buying products that would kill viruses. In the early stages, I made it a point to purchase hospital-grade surgical scrub and disposable wipes. The latter even kills Hepatitis, HIV, H1N1, and the like! Of course, I’m alone with my dog, so perhaps I really didn’t need to be so particular with a 64 oz bottle of scrub and a large container of hospital wipes.

In an attempt to also take care of my empty-nester kids (out of state), I tried to order what I could for them too. Unfortunately, Amazon resources were depleting quickly! They did still have a toy cleaner, of which I had ordered for myself but had not yet received. I thought, “Great! If daycares use it to clean toys, it’s perfect!” So I went to order my kids some and saw the “frequently purchased together” items section on my screen. Ruh-roh. Let’s just say it was a women’s “toy” cleaner, where you must remove the batteries before cleaning. And I’m now the proud owner of one bottle of toy cleaner.

My next adventure for today was forgetting to cancel the Wag walker for my dog, Wyatt. The walker was shocked when he called out for Wyatt, and he heard a human response. Well, good for Wyatt! He spent more time outside than I did!

After sanitizing the inside and outside of the doorknob the Wag walker touched, I wasn’t going to be upstaged by my 14-year old dog. I made the tough decision to drive one block to my local deli and buy a steak (ok, I threw in a couple frozen pizzas too). Using my sleeve to open the door and the freezer, I threw my items and credit card on the counter, so as not to get close. Once I retrieved my things and put them in the car, I used my wipes from my baggie (I see a trend here) and first cleaned my hands, then my credit card, my keys, and the outside of the paper bag. All the while thinking, I’ve got this COVID-19 thing down pat. Although probably not. Onward ho!

I made a great steak. Since I stayed home all weekend, and now working from home, I’m actually cooking...for one! I’m eating 2-3 well-balanced meals per day! Exciting! I do wonder, though, if it was inappropriate to leave a comment in the work Team chat at 3:30 asking, “Is it too early to pour a glass of wine? Asking for my imaginary friend.” Fortunately, a coworker replied that she thought it was wine time too.

So now I sit. Wondering if I should re-read my vision board over and over, especially the clipping “Alone Time (Without Being Lonely),” watch the news, or watch the Hallmark channel. Wait! I hear a neighbor putting their trash out (seriously)! Gotta go! Stay tuned for Day 2.

DAY 2

So....my morning started off great with a 7:15 am phone call from my elbow-bump goodbye coworker. It was nice to hear his voice and banter, and that he thought about me. Thank you, Aaron!

As the day wore on, I found myself starting to sink. Within a couple of hours, after no one responding to my Team comments, I started my very own little pity party. I wondered, “Is this what it’s going to be like??” And why aren’t people talking back to me but continuing on in other various threads of conversation? So I had a good cry, fortunately before I decided to shower and put on mascara. I’m a firm believer that if you experience an emotion, you have to get that shit out! It is the only way to experience whatever emotion it is so that one may move on. I know this intellectually as someone with an M.S.W. I know this even more so as it being an ingrained part of who I am. Throughout my life, my Mom has called me a “bobber.” I attribute this to my tendency to not stuff my emotions. Those in my life who know me well know that this is an absolute!

After having a good cry, I did the neighborly thing. I retrieved my garbage can from the street. Unfortunately, I was too slow yesterday to get the opportunity to say “hi” to whoever was putting out their trash can. Not being a germa/virusphobe (until now!), I forgot about the darn plastic and the garbage person touching it. Whether by hand or glove, he/she was going from house to house, where the resident was also touching it. Fortunately, I remembered as I was pushing it up my driveway and implemented “Code Doorknob” and handwashing once inside. I did carefully take off my robe and throw it in my dirty clothes bin, just to be safe, before I washed my hands. As I’m typing this, I’m thinking, “what in the world?!” Who'da thunk!

At least my shower was uneventful today, and apparently, little bugger is somewhere in the house.....perhaps I shall name him Harry (as a result of googling synonyms for "bug," which was much better than googling the synonym for "little bugger," which might be "little twat!"

Mid-afternoon, I learned that my previous boss's wife passed away. She had been battling pancreatic cancer since April of 2019, which had then spread to her liver and her brain. Knowing it was nearing the end, I went to San Antonio to have the opportunity to say goodbye at her final art show. This woman was brilliant! She had an English degree and a Master's in Divinity from Yale and was a published author of many books (fiction and non-fiction). Later in life, she followed her passion and became an artist (painting). Her final art show was amazing! So many people from the community came to show their support and love of her. She was able to stay at the show with a lot of help from her family and medical caregivers. She remained a full hour! Despite her ins and outs of reality, she saw me and knew me! She said, "I can't believe you came all this way!" The following day I helped take down the art show and deliver the items to the house. I said my final goodbyes, and she said: "Chrisie, you have great ideas!" I'm thankful she is no longer struggling and now worry about the struggles my boss and the kids will go through. Sigh.

I decided to take Woo Bear (aka Wyatt) for a walk. What a beautiful day! I found myself taking deep breaths of the crisp air, except for the two times I was 10 feet away from someone in their yard, where I held my breath before and after their sidewalk. Ugh. Why must I think so much??? It was definitely a good move to get out. On the way back, I crossed the street to avoid who I thought were my immediate neighbors across the street. It looked like them, but they looked different. He looked tired and had facial hair, and her hair was longer, even looked a little darker. Their dog was the only give away. He looked the same. But, he was carrying a tiny baby in a carrier on his chest!!!! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WAS PREGNANT. It's a sad day in our society when neighbors don't even know these things. We must be too focused on life, work, ourselves, or whatever.

My deeply mortified thinking, though, was stopped dead in its tracks when my other neighbor saw me walk by and opened her door. Yes! We had face to face (albeit it very far from each other) discussion. My neighbor also works for M.P.S., and we almost had matching shades of sweats. My hair up, hers not yet combed. She was cooking and had bought the wrong type of Korean hot sauce (too hot) and wondered if I wanted the bottle. Heck yes! As I approached her, I unzipped my jacket and asked her to drop it in my coat and then held my breath as I approached. I backed away as quick I could as the jar settled nicely against my stomach. I was very thankful and joked about sanitizing it as soon as I got home (she is a nurse). As soon as I got home, I lifted my jacket to "drop" the jar on my counter, then took off my jacket and sprayed the inside, got a wipe and cleaned off the jar, and then washed my hands. I should be a scientist. Or a COVID-19 manual writer. Or a Vocal Media writer.

Then, it was back to reality. The stress arrived when I learned my college son's university is closed for the rest of the semester. He said he wanted to go to our cabin in the woods in Texas. I'm leasing it, though, to my ex-husband (not his biological father, but still the man he calls Dad). There is a difference of opinion on what constitutes clean and orderly between them, along with my other son (and college son's half brother) agreeing with my ex-husband. After some drama, and me feeling helpless, we decided it was better for the messy college boy to go elsewhere. I'm not exactly sure where that is yet, since he doesn't want to be sheltered-in-place with Mom (insert crying fest #3), but I continue to plead with him that we'd do well for each other (he just doesn't know it yet). He unfortunately, has two rare conditions that would deem him vulnerable with "underlying conditions." The Mom in me wants to protect him.

So, I drowned myself in one of yesterday's purchased pizzas. Pepperoni and sausage, with what seemed like an entire brick of cheese. I was intent on eating the whole thing but stopped myself at half of the pizza. Taking a break to write this after pausing Married at First Sight. Why????? Double ugh. Why do I get into these types of shows? It certainly does make the time pass, though. Until tomorrow. Here's hoping for a better day. And rest in peace, dear woman. Godspeed.