What Your Kids Wish You’d Ask Them

I organized and hosted my Dad's 70th birthday party over the weekend.

It was not a big event: some of his work colleagues are abroad or out of state, and all would be having their own birthday meals for him in their local areas, and a good number of Dad's family only get to attend parties in Heaven.

We did have Dad's two surviving children (myself and my little sister) and the grandchildren. Dad's brother had his side of the extended family-wife, my cousins, and one of my cousins has four children-so, that was a hoot. Some long-term friends and their son and grandkids, my partner and their parents-they get along with Dad and, in particular, requested to be invited.

I hired a Mediterranean restaurant from my area that also hosts functions to supply the food, and took a variety of alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks. We all enjoyed ourselves and had a good time, with only a few awkward dance moves when YMCA was played, but since it was my sister's responsibility to organize the music, I can put the blame there.

At around 7pm (the party was 4pm - 8pm, since most of the guests were bedtime ones) my niece, aged 8, pulled on my hand and very sternly asked if I had forgotten to provide them with party bags. She did not want me to be embarrassed when people came asking.

Dad's 70th was the first Adult party she'd been to (Mum is younger than Dad, she wasn't born or can't remember the 60th celebrations, and my 40th one year), so all birthdays' she has been to previously have been for other children's parties, where small packets of sweets or gimcracks are handed out at home time.

I had to explain to her that for grown-ups, having another person pay for food and beverages - and potentially a second meal in the form of takeaways - is a party bag.

Lack of party bags after a certain age was obviously a very confusing concept to my niece, but she absorbed it.

As for me, I assumed that my sister or her ex- would have already mentioned it to her, but I did not mind it being done to her either. At the age that I am, every day is a learning process by itself, and the only thing you can learn is that someone takes the time out to teach you.

I probably spend too much time on Social Media, and naturally this leads on to reading about other family battles.

I recently read a blog post from someone who just realized that his teenage daughter lacked life skills since, having always had a chef and a maid around, she didn't know how to do lots of basic things. He chose to teach her by thrusting her into the deep end and hoping she picked it up for herself, and then yelling at her for failing to learn how to cook, clean, etc. immediately.

I could cook and clean when I was 15. Pocket money was earned by doing weekly chores, and vacuuming was my task. Clean it up if we made a mess. But those skills did not magically occur; they were learned.

My godmother let us help in the kitchen during Saturday Card nights as long as I could remember under close supervision. Both parents worked, so dinnertime on weeknights was done in advance, but the memory of being permitted to measure out ingredients and stir batter for pancakes remains, as well as later helping to pour and flip the pancakes during weekends. I remember being shown how to bread/crumbs various pieces of meat, moving on to a production line of three little girls in a row down the benchtop, one for the flour, one for the egg, and one breadcrumbs.

I remember that if we did not approve of what we were being served for a meal, then we were able to have something different; that something different had to be prepared by us, and we cleaned up after that, naturally. The first thing I learned how to prepare were microwave scrambled eggs. Subsequently, after I reached an age when I was not permitted into the oven or frying pan by myself, grilled cheese sandwiches and chicken nuggets were taught to me.

When I was 18, my sisters and I took turns cooking supper one night a week.

We could have done whatever we pleased with it, but the store to sink, it was ours. We bought the ingredients, we prepared it for the household, and we cleaned up afterwards. The natural consequence of a thousand little lessons about being independent and taking care of ourselves.

But it did not occur in a vacuum, as some parents appear to believe.

There were adults in my childhood who encouraged me to be interested in food and cooking. I was taught how to keep my own spaces tidy and in order. I was taught how to take pride in doing things on my own.

Teach your children. That's the only way they'll learn.