What If We Learn to Embrace Failures by Changing Our Attitudes Towards Wrinkles?

We’ve all found ourselves clinging to unattainable beauty standards. Alien-smooth skin on intense TV adverts looks so fantastically pore-less. You might fantasise about how a new moisturising cream will cure bold blackheads, washing away skin sins and spark joy. With their sweeping ‘benefits’, these products have lassoed me into buying them numerous times, which my messy bathroom cabinet proves.

Since reflecting on its jumbled contents, I’ve realised that the half-abandoned bottles, tubs and withering tubes display my reducing perfectionism tendencies.

From babyhood, we learn to fail and get back up again. Literally, failure is an essential part of growing, showing us how challenges make up the stories of our lives. So, when we reach adulthood, why do we hold ourselves to damaging expectations of executing everything flawlessly, inhumanly? I blame capitalism and the patriarchy (half-joking), but that’s a brewing article for another chat.

I struggle with failure, slipping into self-criticism when I make a mistake.

What if we embraced our failures like babies do as natural and wholesome life lessons? Teachings to grow from rather than sinking into stress over messing up?

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

What If the Secret to Lasting Success is Embracing Every Failure?

Wrinkles, Spots and Dimples.

Failure has followed me throughout my life, as it has everyone. I was deathly afraid to fail in school, pushing myself to exhaustion by chasing top marks in major exams.

If my fringe flew out of place, it was a catastrophe. Once, it started raining, and I’d forgotten my umbrella, so I sprinted across the school’s campus to save my hair. It’s a wonder I’m not a hairdresser. My friend retold this story to me recently, saying, “I’ve never seen anyone run so fast!”

In a way, I see this stressful behaviour and fear of imperfection as failing to look after myself. Of course, I don’t entirely blame attitude, as powerfully toxic parents encouraging this self-harm fortified these patterns. However, looking back, the frenzy to succeed and appear immaculately led me into a raging eating disorder and sad moments.

Thankfully, I’m much better, and healing came when abandoning perfectionism became my priority. But, I’m wondering how many other exhausted women (and people) strive daily to compete for unattainable perfection.

Dropping perfectionism and embracing failure is leaning into the animated wrinkles, bumps and grooves of life.

1. Wrinkles

Societal beauty standards tell us that smoothing wrinkles should make us happy, but I believe this is a crying shame to the crow’s feet.

Those gorgeous wrinkles were crafted from precious giggles over lovely catch-ups with old friends. They’re impressions about honestly living.

They’re fascinating documentaries playing on rippling faces.

Wrinkles have character. The frowns that assert opinions or the tiredness that comes from dedicating your life to bold motherhood celebrate living.

What if we look at more significant failings as the wrinkles that make up our stories?

That annoying job your boss fired you from is a bendable crease that allows you to move better in your latest position. Perhaps it’s a symbol of wisdom. Learning from mistakes frees up space in our busy lives to easily bend when demanding challenges block us.

A few years ago, I suffered terrible eczema on my thin hands, leaving frustratingly visible extra wrinkles. Loads of extra wrinkles. Some have faded a little and soften into my hands. Still, I realise now that I have to accept these new additions and ignore ridiculous beauty standards. I refuse to go through life hiding my fingers because I’m haunted by wrinkles. Occasionally, the wrinkles drag me down. However, responding to them kindly boosts my self-esteem. Everyone has wrinkles, some visible, many living as exciting personality traits.

2. Dimples

Shallow trends proclaim that dimples are attractive. I hope this trend stays; I like them (slightly biased as I display two on my face). But did you know that delightful dimples are produced from defects? They’re not meant to be there. But, on the other hand, aren’t they wonderfully lively additions, bouncing with grins?

My point is that failure can be charming. Happy accidents generate brilliant inventions; light-bulbs wouldn’t produce glowing warmth without Thomas Edison’s ground-breaking mistakes.

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

― Thomas A. Edison

Harry Styles flashes attractive dimples, and he’s considered super fit (definitely biased here too).

I’ve stumbled across surprising places by failing to find my way, including a fantastic wild garlic forest. Happiness is born from life’s dimples (treasured moments that weren’t supposed to be happening).

3. Spots

Thinking up a metaphor for spots is testing. I believe it’s the hardest to love out of these quirky three amigos. Nevertheless, despairing teenagers worldwide wish for them to disappear, so we shouldn’t underestimate their power. They stick out, refusing to go away and possibly leaving “I was here” scars on us.

Spots are protests. Our skin is telling us that something is irritating it. We have two choices, we can listen and prevent the irritating thing from affecting us again. Or we can ignore/bother the spot and make it worse.

Failures mirror spots; ignoring or bothering mistakes with harsh criticism leaves scars. Beating ourselves up over failures cause further wounding, meaning our sore lives take longer to heal. So, soothing our issues with well-thought-out medicinal action and a caring regime will probably yield better results.

Kindness is the soothing balm your mistakes actually need.

Try and remember those beauty standards about skin blemishes are shallow. You don’t have to stick to them. In fact, you can probably define your own standards and maybe even pride yourself on ‘imperfections’.

So, embrace your failures and imperfections in all their wrinkly, spotty dimply glory.

Put your energy into growing from mistakes rather than criticising them. If you catch yourself beating yourself up over a failure, stop and flip your thoughts into thinking about what learning opportunities the failing brings if you can. If you can’t, I hope that you can soon.