Signs of a Toxic Friendship and What to Do About It

Friendships are supposed to add value, joy, and support to our lives. A good friend is someone who’s there for you through thick and thin, someone who lifts you up and encourages you to be your best self. But sometimes, friendships can take a darker turn. Whether they leave you feeling drained, doubting yourself, or constantly unhappy, toxic friendships can sneak up on you and become sources of stress rather than support.

Recognizing the signs of a toxic friendship can be difficult, especially if you've known the person for a long time or have shared experiences that make letting go feel almost impossible.

Here are some key signs of a toxic friendship and some tips on how to handle them.

1. They Make Everything About Themselves

In healthy friendships, conversations go both ways. You talk, they listen, and vice versa. But in a toxic friendship, you might feel like you’re always the listener and never the one who gets a chance to share. This friend might consistently steer the conversation back to themselves, dismiss your feelings, or act uninterested when you need support.

What to Do: Next time you hang out, pay attention to how often the conversation shifts to them. Try to gently steer it back to something you want to talk about. If they shut it down or make it clear they’re uninterested, it might be time to reconsider how much energy you’re investing in this relationship.

2. They Constantly Criticize You or Your Choices

Constructive criticism can be healthy, but if you find that your friend’s feedback always leaves you feeling worse about yourself, it could be a sign of a toxic dynamic. Maybe they make fun of your achievements, subtly put you down, or use "jokes" that feel more like jabs.

What to Do: Confrontation can be challenging, but consider sharing how their comments make you feel. A good friend will listen and adjust, but a toxic friend may brush it off or even make you feel guilty for bringing it up.

3. They’re Always Negative or Dramatic

Some people seem to thrive on drama, and while everyone has rough patches, a friend who is always complaining, gossiping, or focusing on the negative can start to drain you. If every conversation leaves you feeling anxious or on edge, it may be because this friend is bringing unnecessary negativity into your life.

What to Do: Set some boundaries around how much time you spend with them. You don’t need to cut them off immediately but limiting your exposure to their drama can help protect your own emotional health.

4. They’re Jealous of Your Success

A true friend will celebrate your successes, not feel threatened by them. If your friend seems jealous or dismissive of your achievements, it might stem from their own insecurities. They may make sarcastic remarks, brush off your successes, or give backhanded compliments that make you question your worth.

What to Do: If you sense jealousy, try addressing it directly. You could say, “I noticed that you didn’t seem happy for me when I got that promotion. Is something bothering you?” If they react defensively, it could be a sign they’re unwilling to support your growth.

5. They Guilt-Trip You

Toxic friends may use guilt to control you or make you feel responsible for their emotions. This could look like them saying, “You never have time for me,” or “I guess you don’t care about our friendship.” It’s manipulative and can make you feel obligated to prioritize them, even when it’s not healthy for you.

What to Do: Recognize guilt-tripping for what it is—an attempt to control you. Try setting boundaries, like saying, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I also need time for myself.” See how they respond; a supportive friend will respect your need for space.

Moving Forward

If these signs resonate with you, it’s essential to think about what you need from this friendship and how it’s affecting your well-being. Sometimes, setting boundaries and having an honest conversation can help salvage the friendship. But other times, the best decision is to step away for your own peace.

How to End a Toxic Friendship (If Needed)

Ending a friendship is rarely easy, especially if you have a lot of history together. But sometimes, letting go of a toxic friend is the healthiest choice. Here are some steps to take:

1. Be Honest (But Kind): If you feel comfortable, share your reasons for needing space. You could say something like, “I feel like this friendship has become more hurtful than supportive, and I need to take a step back.”

2. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them: Limit your interactions and avoid situations where you might be pressured to reconnect before you’re ready.

3. Seek Support: Talk to other friends or a therapist who can help you navigate this emotionally challenging time.

4. Focus on Self-Care: Ending any relationship can be emotionally taxing, so prioritize activities and people that bring you joy and fulfillment.

My Final Thoughts

Friendships are supposed to lift us up and add joy to our lives. If you feel worse after spending time with someone, it’s worth examining whether that friendship is truly serving you. Remember, a true friend values and respects you—and if they’re unable or unwilling to do that, it may be time to move on.