From Struggle to Strength

At 55, I now realise I’ve worked with people for over 30 years.

It wasn’t by accident — it was by chance. Let me explain.

A Hidden Challenge

As a child, I struggled with something I couldn’t explain. I looked at the words on a page, but somehow, they didn’t make sense. I could read the letters, even say the words out loud, but understanding them? That was a different story. The meaning just didn’t land. I could stare at a text for hours and still not comprehend it.

Eventually, a doctor figured out what was wrong: my eyes weren’t working together the way they should. It’s called a prismatic deficiency, a subtle misalignment of the eyes. Invisible to others, but internally, it caused chaos.

When your eyes aren’t properly aligned, your brain receives two slightly different images and must constantly merge them. That effort is exhausting. I’d lose focus, forget what I read, and feel like I wasn’t smart enough — when in reality, my brain was just trying to survive.

Education on the Edge

The struggle showed in my behaviour. I became introverted and rebellious. I couldn’t develop myself through regular education. When it was time to choose a path, we made a random decision: agricultural and horticultural studies.

Long story short, I had to skip classes twice and lower my educational level twice — but I eventually graduated. There was no celebration. I was simply fed up.

At age 19, I got prism lenses. They corrected the angle between my eyes, and suddenly, reading became easier. The fog began to lift.

That experience taught me something I’ll never forget:

👉 When the body and brain aren’t in sync, even basic things become a struggle. And often, there’s a hidden cause behind that struggle — one that can be solved.

See Behind the Behaviour

Another important lesson: Always look behind people’s behaviour.

That’s where the true source lies. We are all born innocent. What shapes us are the first hours, days, weeks, months, and years of our lives.

Some even believe trauma travels with us from former lives — but that’s another story.

For me, the damage was already done. I was 19. My primary education had been a struggle. I had to repeat classes. I felt stupid, alone, and left behind. I didn’t understand why. Teachers said I was a smart boy, but nobody knew what I was really dealing with.

The Turning Point

Despite the disappointments, I got my car and motorcycle licenses and became a taxi driver.

I also started a new study in facility management. It sounded important, but I still didn’t believe in myself. My internal voice said, “I can’t do this.”

That ended in another drama: a 3-year study that took 4 years and ended without a diploma. I was ready to quit again.

Then, my parents suggested something else: an internal training program for the Department of Justice, to become a correctional officer. Back then, there was a shortage of staff, so they started training general personnel.

That became one of the most interesting periods of my life.

Training and Grit

We started with a general introduction video, very direct, almost military-like: “This is it. No nonsense.” After the video, people could leave if it wasn’t for them.

Stubborn as I am, I stayed. I finish what I start.

After 75% of the room left, we took a psychological test. Tough, but I was smart enough to spot the same questions repeated in different ways.

I passed. Days later came the sports test, followed immediately by an interview. No recovery time, just to see how you perform under physical stress.

I passed again.

At home, I sat in a chair for hours, speechless from exhaustion.

Real-World Lessons

I did three brutal months of training: martial arts, psychology, firearm handling (I still know how they work internally), legal education, report writing, drug awareness, even identifying potential explosive-making household items.

Then I was sworn in. I had finally graduated from something.

I worked in several correctional facilities. Me, a slender guy, surrounded by big, dangerous tattood people. I quickly realised I needed to rely on my personality and attitude.

I wasn’t there to punish. I was there to enforce a prison sentence.

Criminals are still human. No matter what they’ve done, they deserve respect.

From Correction to Connection

After 7 or 8 years, I’d had enough. I re-educated myself as a Social Benefits Officer.

I started working for an agency that placed me in municipalities. Again, the legal aspects interested me: Why does the system work this way?

I worked with people who had exhausted all other benefits and ended up at my desk, the last safety net. Social benefits in the Netherlands are highly individualised and complex. That’s why trained professionals like me exist.

By the time people reach my desk, a lot has already happened. They often share their life stories, and that’s where it gets interesting.

The Power of Listening

After thousands of intakes, I started to see patterns. That’s when my interest in psychology began, "the why behind the why".

We’re good at identifying problems, but we rarely search for their source.

After 22 years in this work, I saw cycles of generational poverty, children raised by traumatized parents who unknowingly passed on trauma, and a lack of clarity, motivation, and self-reliance.

I’ve overcome a lot, and I’ve learned that most people are trapped in the wrong mindset.

Paradigms and Personal Growth

In recent years, I’ve invested deeply in personal development. We think education ends when school does. Then we start living: find a partner, have kids, buy a house, and be happy.

But for many, it doesn’t work like that.

I learned about quantum thinking, that everything starts with a thought.

I see people every day just surviving, not living. On social media, they celebrate the weekend, but didn’t they enjoy the week?

Are you living from Friday to Friday?

It’s okay to struggle. But if you’re in the struggle, embrace it. Truggle is life too. You are what you think about it.

Final Reflections

Give yourself the best, first.

You are worthy. You deserve it. No matter what.

Throughout my life, I’ve trained and coached many people. Often, just by listening, they ended up in tears. Some even asked if I was a medium.

No, I’m not. I’m just a guy who’s had his own struggles, and still has them. You can read more in my other blogs.

A Request to the Reader

Please — listen deeply. Don’t give unasked advice.

Let people speak. It solves 50% of the problem.

I’ve done this many times. Let them talk. Ask guiding questions like:

“How would you feel if...?”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Why do you think that?”

Another one: “Would you like to change the outcome of your life?”

If the answer is yes, are you open to unlearning?

Most therapies focus on learning new things. But true change often starts by unlearning the old ones.

Do you know what your paradigm is?

I’ve written this blog from the heart.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I want to share more of my experiences.

Yes, it’s scary. Opinions can hurt, but they won’t kill you.

So please, keep judgments to yourself.

Spread love and kindness instead.

That’s what it comes down to in the end.

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