Be the Anti-Karen For Better Self-Defense

Part of the problem with learning self-defense is remembering that how you interact with others determines how others treat you. This can determine not only how you are treated, but the severity of said treatment. If you treat those around you well, then others will treat you well; if you treat those around you poorly, then you will be treated poorly in turn. This can also determine if people will mess with you or leap to your defense, or even if people will call the police if you get into trouble.

This is where karens get themselves into trouble. By acting solely in their own self-interest, by looking for every possible advantage through enforcing their will upon reality, they become very unpopular people. Karens typically not only look to enforce every rule, but take it one step further: Since they see themselves as “special people,” they expect people to not only bend rules for their benefit but to also ignore the rules for their benefit. Sure, people are more than willing to do it for friends, family, and a few select others, but they do it because it makes them feel good; doing it just because someone expects it does the opposite: It leaves a bitter taste in the mouth of the person who does it.

That sense of entitlement, that you need to be treated as better than others and that others should recognize that, is something that can create issues for the entitled person. Others are less likely to defend the entitled, and some may actively seek out ways to create problems for them. This means that you’re on your own for self-defense, as others are only likely to help you if there’s no real choice; if you get in trouble, it’s obviously your own fault. So let’s look at the ways you can be the Anti-Karen, and therefore someone others will defend, or at least not cause trouble for.

Treat Others With Kindness

Every major religion suggests that you treat others as you yourself would like to be treated, with the assumption that it’s in a kind way. The idea is that by treating others with respect and kindness, they’ll treat you with respect and kindness; conversely, if you treat people disrespectfully and cruelly, you can expect the same treatment. This may sound obvious, but people forget that you don’t get the best results by treating others like dirt; while that mindset may appeal to some, it’s hardly the way to get the best from people who don’t know you, and you’re likely to get their worst.

If you want to see the best in others, you need to show them the best in you first. If you want a retail person to give you some leeway on store specials, treating them like trash is usually not the best way to do it.

The obvious corollary is that you don’t mess with people who are fixing your food, your car, or your home. If you treat them like they are just barely worthy of serving you, then the effects will usually be immediate and contrary to your purposes. If you’re lucky, then you may be let off with a disagreeable experience; if you’re unlucky, you will be banned or blackballed. This is how people get hamburgers with way too much mayonnaise, tacos too hot for human consumption, or cars that suddenly develop major issues; treat your food server with respect or you may not like the consequences.

Shouting Doesn’t Make You Heard

Too many karens believe that shouting will give them special treatment. It usually doesn’t work that way. The idea is that by wearing someone down through some form of abuse, they will do what you want them to do, and as they can’t physically abuse the cashier without facing prosecution, they’ve settled on yelling; if they yell long enough and loud enough, the cashier is more likely to give you what they want. This used to work because customer service was seen the most important thing; however, as more managers back their workers, a safer environment is the highest priority, and that means that abusive customers are more likely to be banned than allowed to have their way.

You should also look at this from the internet direction: You’re likely to become internet famous from someone uploading your behavior and it going viral. Worse, because it’s in a public location, they are free to film. So don’t be a joke in public or you’ll become one online.

Avoid the Obvious Power Plays

The two most well-known battle cries of the modern karen are “I need to see your manager” and “I know the owner.” The former is from a karen expecting a different result, and relies on the manager just being tired of dealing with customers. However, as managers are becoming more likely to back their employees, and as it’s recognized that the employees know the inventory and what works best better than the managers, the karen is likely to see the same result or, more commonly, some variation on “the employee knows best.” Worse, because you’ve just wasted the manager’s time, he’s less likely to be predisposed to help you or give in to your desires.

The latter is becoming more and more of a joke. Most employees of family-owned businesses already know who likely knows the owners and the owner’s immediate family; worse, the owner is more likely to actually be there, either as working or enjoying the fruits of his labor. This is going to cut short the use of this maneuver right off the bat. However, some owners use this to set up the user, either for humiliation (“Does my mom know you’re married to my dad?”) or big bills (one sorority sister used this to get a VIP table without realizing the cost of such a table).

Suffice it to say that both lines are finding less and less success as time goes on, and easily mark you as a problem customer, usually with a target on your back.

[“Go ahead and call the police” should be noted. This really rarely goes the way you want it. Especially if the karen calls the police herself.]

Know The Difference Between Bullying and Leadership

Too many people confuse “bullying” and “leadership,” and this is most obvious in HOAs. “Leadership” is all about the ability to get things done even in the most difficult of situations; “bullying” is about forcing people to do what you want, regardless of whether or not it’s the best option. Karens are all about the bullying: They want to lead, but based on their rules, regardless of what the actual rules are; they are even willing to create new rules just to enforce them. If the new rules put “enemies” in their place or empower what they believe, so much the better.

However, bullies rarely last, and when they do, they tend to drag whatever they’re “leading” down. Business owners usually demote or transfer the bully to a less powerful position, if the bully isn’t outright fired. It’s also relatively easy to set up a resistance to the bully, especially if the bully has torn off the mask. If you’re a bully, expect your reign to fall at some point.

The bottom line is that you can actually add to your levels of self-defense by treating others with respect. They are less likely to come after you, and are more likely to come to your aid if you get into trouble. It’s simple, it’s effective, and it costs you almost nothing, but is so worth it. So remember the simple advice that, for better or worse, people will treat you how you treat them, and treat others nicely.