4 Proven Ways To Make New Friends As An Adult

The Beatles are onto a winner with the following phrase: "I get by with a little help from my friends." Yes you do. I am not going to sugarcoat it. Making new friends in adulthood is f***ing hard. Especially when working 60 hours a week (for many, post uni) is the norm. Let alone trying to save our most intimate, romantic relationships from collapsing.

It is worth lifting kilos of weights (metaphorically) to make new, empowering and caring friends in adulthood. Sometimes the platonic relationships are worth their weight in gold.

At school/college/uni, it is easier to make friends, as you're immersed with the same people in a more protected environment, day in and day out. Not so easy in life where (once again) we are juggling many balls; and it feels like we need a PhD in mindfulness in order to excel at this game called life full throttle. Then again, a study from the University of Kansas has discovered that two individuals need to spend 80 hours together (one-on-one) to qualify as friends, and 200 hours of closeness to become 'close' friends. The ones you see above all other friends, and are not needy and clingy towards you. These 'close' friends will jump out of your skin to see you when you suggest; and it is a real pleasure parting with your hard earned moolah to treat them every now and then. These are the friends that give you (and you in a return) and extra 'x' at the end of the text message, than you would your spouse. And more love and support when needed too, depending on the unpleasant circumstances you find yourself in at the time.

It will require some effort, yet from personal experience, the following ways to make new, quality friends in adulthood are presented in order of preference and effectiveness.

1. At Work

The same applies if you've returned to college to re-train for a new career. In the workplace, you're sharing the same oxygen with this individual at least 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week. The office environment in particular is your friendship goldmine; even though you've been employed there to work, and to be productive. Team building events, after work drinks and meetings are a great way to get to know your fellow team members. If you're lucky to train a new person; that trainee could become your friend too. Trust your intuition. You just know which person is the right friend for you. You don't need to share the same values; you just need to be open minded and respect each others differences. Avoid the nosey, gossipy type of people. They are not the type of people you want to be friends with. Usually you go for someone who you sit nearby - of who you get along with, and who is appreciative of their work, and the assistance you provide. Start going out to lunch with such people every now and then.

2. At the gym/yoga studio

It is evident that you're both into keeping fit, and ultimately healthy. This is a great sign that you're going to find someone who takes care of their body inside and out. Great friendships begin with shared common interests. Arrive to class a bit early, and start to introduce yourself to other people. Once a bit of rapport is built; you'll know when to ask said potential friend for their number. Start by texting and arranging something as simple as a coffee catch up to get to know them more. I met an amazing friend who runs marathons from attending a few community yoga sessions at Lululemon.

3. Through meetup groups

The aim is to attend a meetup group that is relevant to your profession, and another related to a personal hobby or interest. Again, you're meeting likeminded people. Attend two said groups consistently, and don't be shy to introduce yourself (easier said than done). You can then find the people you really like on the meetup.com page, and message them to see how their life in relation to the meetup group is going. Just message once a week, otherwise you'll come across as being desperate. The same can also happen through classes/workshops of interest outside the meetup system that run over a few weeks. It is hard to make friends by attending a one day/one-off course.

4. Through shared accommodation

Due to the higher costs of living and underemployment (and longer-term unemployment, and the time it takes many people to find a new job); more and more adults from all age groups and walks of life are living in shared households in order to reduce rental and utility costs. If you're lucky, you may become friends with the people you live with, and/or through their friends that you'll meet if you're lucky enough to be invited to parties. And/or even if they come over, and everyone mingles together. This is a way that yours truly has made friends, yet this isn't my preferred option as I choose to live alone, because I am grateful that I can afford to; yet I want to. In my case, I've made friends with my neighbours via the lifts, and at building specific Christmas parties. My apartment building also has a 24/7 concierge service, where I have also made long-term friends with the concierge staff that keep coming and going.

Of course, there are other unique ways to make friends in adulthood, yet with a bit of focus and persistence; making friends in adulthood in the 21st century is easy. You need to be grounded, loving and patient. When it comes to making quality friends, patience is a virtue. It is better to have two quality friends than 20 acquaintances.

Thank you for reading this article, and for financially and emotionally supporting my way with words. Cheers.