Unmotivated

Twenty-three years of life, and it still hasn't been long enough to completely get on my own two feet. I've been through a lot in my life, thinking that by this time I'd have my life together a bit more. Granted, I do have my bachelors degree in teaching, which is something I have wanted to do since I was really little. I'm also starting on my masters degree in business. However, I always thought that I would have a house and a family already. I have an amazing spouse, being married for almost a year now, but we're stuck living in a too small apartment since we can't seem to get approved to buy a house of our own. We've been trying to have a child of our own, unsuccessfully, which has been a huge hit to our motivation to do just about anything. I still want to get a house that has plenty of room for what we want to do as well as give us the space needed to provide for new additions to the family when we finally succeed, but after talking with a few people, it seems like finding a house that we like that fits our needs in a location that we'd be okay with is so far out of reach.

It seems unrealistic to even have enough saved to begin looking for a house again after another year of saving, even if we set aside everything that we made that didn't need to be used for bills. I am able to do overtime, which would give me about three hundred dollars extra per day that I go in, but I already work twelve hour shifts and end up exhausted by the end of my work week, plus my schooling starting back up takes up the rest of my free time. Even my breaks at work get consumed by my schoolwork. I don't want to be stuck in this apartment forever, so I keep telling myself that I just need to push through until I can graduate from my masters program and land a job in management. At that point, I should be able to land a position paying me enough to double my personal income, and I could save all that extra money to put towards a house. I would like to be in an actual house by the time I have my first child, mainly because the place I currently live in isn't necessarily ideal to raise a child.

Constant raising prices of everything doesn't help that motivation. Gas alone is twice as much as it was when I first started looking for a house. I was told I could only qualify for maybe two hundred thousand to two hundred fifty thousand on a mortgage, but the cheapest actual house in the area we want to live is almost four hundred thousand. It's sad to think that I make twenty-two dollars an hour, forty-two hours a week and I still can't make enough to get a house. It's hard to find positions that pay what I make or more, making living nearly impossible nowadays. What ever happened to a family of four or five being able to comfortably live on one income? Now, it takes both parents working, and most times one has to have two jobs, just to put food on the table every night.

Unless you're born into money, life doesn't come easily as an adult in America. You just get sucked into a vicious cycle of working to pay your overly expensive bills to live in an overly expensive place and living in an overly expensive place to be able to work at a job that pays you enough to cover your overly expensive bills. This is also the country that pretty much requires you to have a phone, reliable vehicle, and a place to live just to get a job, but you need a job to get a phone, reliable vehicle, and a place to live.

I wake up every morning having to tell myself that I just have to make it through the day. Living in a time where most adults suffer from depression, just making it through the day is an achievement itself. I've learned to take this cruel world one day at a time. Every day I make it through is one day closer to one day getting exactly what I want out of life. As long as I keep surviving in a world that is determined to destroy all humans, I know that I can do whatever I put my mind to. It might be hard, but that's why I take it a day at a time, sometimes just an hour at a time. Eventually, my life will align and everything will get better. Right?