The struggle is real.

Anxiety is a word we hear in almost every other conversation these days, and that’s probably because it comes in all different shapes and sizes. We have all had to come to terms with what that word means to us depending on our own personal experiences. Anxiety. It is different for every single person.

After endless research, many therapy sessions, and forever trying to “find myself”, it started to become pretty overwhelming. However, I found peace in discovering that I am classed as an ambivert, which is like an “extroverted introvert”or an "introverted extrovert", if you will. And I was pleasantly surprised when a close friend of mine shined some light on what it meant to be a highly sensitive person (HSP).

Whilst it may seem all very self explanatory, knowing that the burdens of my mental health were “common enough” gave me great clarity. I felt a little more understood, if not to all, then at least to myself.

Being a self proclaimed “highly sensitive ambivert” basically means that leading up to a social interaction makes me feel quite uneasy, and after leaving a social event I am completely drained. It takes days for my batteries to recharge before I can see or speak to anyone again, which can result in a lot of misunderstandings between friends and family.

I am an empath and feel that I am extremely in tune to other people’s emotions, which means I take on everyone’s energy all at once, even when in a large group of people. This can sometimes result in sensory overload, leaving me feeling very overwhelmed. It can also lead to going above and beyond to try and make others feel comfortable that I tend to neglect what I need or want from the situation.

Highly sensitive people are afraid of rejection, always worrying about what other people think, and seeking reassurance and validation constantly.

As well as feeling things incredibly deeply, I have trouble expressing my emotions and end up retreating instead, unless, of course, intoxicated, which can result in everything coming out all at once, and sometimes in the worst way possible, which leaves a lot of room for the dreaded over-thinking the next day, thus making me never wanting to leave the house again.

And this, all wrapped up in a pretty pink bow, is what the word “anxiety” means to me.

It sounds like a lot, but it was a lot worse when I didn’t know how to put it into words.

For a long time I thought I was just a coward, awkward, nervous, dumb, and lacked massively in self-confidence…

Now I realise that I am hyper-aware of others emotions and thoughts, which makes me empathetic and understanding to those surrounding me, and it showed me that I need to be more gentle with myself and who I choose to spend my time and energy with.

There are definitely a fair few out there that have no idea I suffer from anxiety, or that I am a highly sensitive person. I would go as far as to say that the people who do not know this about me are probably the ones who have only seen me out and about and full of liquid confidence. Since my late teens alcohol has always been my safety blanket, something I have used to hide my shakes and nerves behind. We all have our vices.

When I am alone I barely notice the physical side of my anxiety, but when I slow down and tune in, it is always there in the pit of my stomach, like a washing machine on a slow rinse right in the depths of my gut.

I try to sit and think about why I feel the fear, but at times it is not as clear as I would like, which makes it hard to get rid of. That is why I think I gain so much from sitting still and meditating (at least when I am motivated enough to do it).

Thanks to my extroverted side, I am an open book, so I don’t have an issue talking about this, and I am always on the lookout for any tips and tricks to help manage and protect my mental health.

Unfortunately, (no thanks) to my introverted side, I struggle immensely with motivation!

I know that I will be working on myself for as long as I live, as should we all in our own way, and I will always be open to trying new things, but at the core of it all - I accept who I am and I understand my trauma, and I finally recognise “why”. Once you delve deep enough to find answers, you eventually stop asking questions.

Contrary to the opinion of the last general practitioner I visited (one I shall never visit again); I am ok. I no longer find it debilitating, and I have found ways to work with it and around it.

I manage in my own way, at my own speed.

I am more patient and kinder to myself than I was before.

So, if you are reading this and you can relate in any way, please feel free to reach out, as this is something that I am passionate about, and I feel no shame in discussing.

If we can help one another in some way then ... that’s a win in my books!

All that I can offer is real experiences and insight, and what I would love in return is to hear yours...

#mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #HSP #highlysensitiveperson #trauma #extrovert #introvert #understanding #mentalhealth #healing #empath #ambivert #areyouok