The Society That Shatters Dreams: Is It Truly Ours?

We are born into a society, but do we have to accept its terms unconditionally? What happens when the community that is supposed to support you becomes the one that tears you down?

I’ve never wanted to be a “social” person. The desire just wasn’t there. To be “social” means you must live by all the rules of a particular society. You might not even like those rules, but you’re still expected to sign an unwritten contract, binding you to the customs and traditions of that community for the rest of your life. The words “society” and “limitation” feel inextricably linked. The moment you sign that invisible contract, you begin to sacrifice your personal preferences, your joys, and sometimes, even your dreams.

In my view, a society is essentially a group of people. The only thing that differentiates one from another is its characteristics. Ideally, society is there to support you in times of crisis, to solve problems, and to ensure justice when you are wronged. In that sense, perhaps I’m not entirely asocial. I find myself at the tea stall at least once a day, and though I often sit in silence, I inevitably strike up conversations and build relationships. But the concept of “society” is so much bigger, an umbrella term that I don’t dare to venture under.

The real question is, what is our society like today?

In a word: grotesque and obscene. The more importance you give to society, the more it will climb on your shoulders and impose its demands. It will seek out your weaknesses and your problems, not to help, but to forge them into weapons to be used against you. No one is above making mistakes—not you, not me. And society lies in wait, ready to pounce on any opportunity to expose them.

The biggest problem with our society today is gossip—the spreading of false and malicious information behind your back. By my village’s count, I was married off at least four times before I even knew who the bride was. I, the supposed groom, was completely in the dark. This is what so-called society does: it spreads misinformation. I ask you, how many times has your community married you off without your knowledge? At least once, right? How many times has it cast aspersions on your character?

A decade ago, this society wasn't a paradise, I admit. Nor was it a paradise a decade before that. But it wasn’t as vile as it is today. I find it incredibly difficult to praise the society I live in. I can’t remember the last time I heard a single word of genuine appreciation for anyone. It’s always, “this person is bad, that person is bad.” I’m tired of hearing it. Nowadays, when people hand out these certificates of character, I hand them one right back. It doesn’t cost either of us anything, but they find it hard to swallow. After all, we’re taught to respect our elders, no matter how deceitful or corrupt they may be.

Society may not have learned to praise, but it has certainly learned to have unrealistic expectations. It has mastered the art of baseless comparison. If someone in the village is lucky enough to get a government job, suddenly you must get one too. If someone lands a prestigious position as a top official, you are expected to become one as well. If someone achieves financial success, you must do the same. But to those who have succeeded, I ask: what did society do for you? What was its contribution to your success story? The answer is a big, fat zero. In some cases, it might even be a negative number.

And yet, we are told we must be “social.” We must all live together in harmony. Only madmen live alone, right? If you grow your hair a little long, if a woman doesn’t cover herself, if you light a cigarette in public—suddenly, you are corrupting the very fabric of society. But my question is, how can you corrupt something that is already broken and rotten to its core? You can’t destroy the same thing over and over. Can you bring a dead person back to life only to kill them again?

This society has learned to analyze the character of other people’s sons and daughters, but it remains silent about the affairs happening in its own homes. The day doesn’t pass without slandering the neighbors, but the failures within its own four walls never seem to cross its mind. And above all, it will demand an explanation: Why? When? How? As if not being able to answer is a failure in itself.

The teacher who taught us for at least four years, starting from when we were ten, still dreams for us. He prays for us. He even offers us his own chair out of a little-known affection. He has not given up on us. But it’s hard to keep track of how many times our society has given up on us. I’ve been hearing since I was a child that I would amount to nothing. My society still believes that. How does your society see you? Has it never told you that you will amount to nothing? We’ve heard it countless times. We have shouldered the label of failure given to us by society time and time again. Perhaps it is time we gave up on such a society.

When you are deeply worried, when you don’t even have the money to apply for a job, society doesn’t come and say, “Here, take this money and chase your dreams.” But as soon as you get a job with your own money, your own education, and your own labor, society says, “Where is my share of the sweets? Am I not a part of this community?” No, you are not. You are not a part of this society, not mine, not ours. You belong to no one. When you start a business, this society doesn’t give you a single penny of capital, but if you make a loss, it tells everyone the story of your failure. It laughs at your financial situation, mocks you.

When a marriage is almost arranged, society comes and breaks it. It creates a conflict between the two parties over the dowry. Here in the village, people have even been killed over a mere two inches of land. This society doesn’t want justice; it wants trouble. And if someone’s life is lost in the process, so be it. If someone opens a new shop, they are regularly driven to economic ruin by customers who buy on credit and never pay.

This society won’t even offer you a cup of tea. And if it does, there are hidden conditions. Even if you are lying in a hospital bed, this society will not visit you once, for fear of spending money. Forget visiting, does it even bother to check in on you? Most likely not.

That is why, on society’s terms, I am trying my best to be “asocial.” I have my own society, of course. A select few people. I am willing to accept even their insults with my head bowed. My society is small, but in my opinion, it is beautiful.