Sunsets: How the sky portrays you

whenever people look up at the sky they see different shapes that the clouds form or sometimes when the sun begins to set it reminds me of cotton candy as it pears through the mountains. I love how the sky gives so much relief, to be quiet honest I never really payed much attention to the sky until you took your place up there. We’ve all lost someone who’s death just didn’t make sense to reality until you’ve sat outside crying to the sky asking “ why why why, just why, why take her please not her” and all you got in return was rain hitting the pavement while your thoughts continued to circulate as to why she left you without telling you goodbye. It’s been 4 weeks since you’ve left and it’s getting easier to tell people I’m okay when deep down there are still things I want to show you, to tell you, people I want you to meet and love but that’s all gone and talked into existence. I’m not okay I dislike the fact you’re never going to be there when I have kids, let alone be there when I get married it all cuts deep In my souls but we don’t talk about that. Whenever I’m outside and get the chance to look up at the sky I see you, your sweet little face looking down at me and in the back of my mind I hear “ I’m proud of you mijita” before I could look away tears stream down my face and I can feel your presence. I know you’ll never read this and I know I never got to properly say goodbye to you but just know I think about you almost everyday I pray to the sun gods to let me see you soon, I pray that you’re happier and that grandpa was waiting for you at the bridge. I thank you for teaching me to appreciate life especially the littlest of things. The sky started glowing with the vibrant blues and oranges, you make it so much more beautiful that I can stare at it for hours, mom hasn’t been the same since you left either I try to tell her that it’ll be okay but I know my words go in but don’t mean a thing to her, I took her on a mother:daughter day we painted out in the grass she painted two hearts one small the other big with the background pink and blue ( I would show y’all but it’s not mine to share) in the hearts were names, hers then my grandmothers. We all mourn differently she mourns in painting I mourn with writing, it may not make sense at the time but It’s what I’m feeling. I love the way writing helps people open up emotionally, mentally, spiritually if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have started this journey I wouldn’t have wanted to share what I can do to the world. You taught me to love life to travel whenever I could because you said “ the world is too big for a girl like you not to see!” You took apart of me with you the day you died but I also gained apart of myself because I know you wouldn’t want me depressed, here I am trying to see life for all the positivity it is but it’s hard grams it is so unbelievably hard when you feel like the world just keeps taking from you. The healing stage is taking so long it’s always a thousand steps backwards whenever I burst out in tears there’s too much emotions inside my bottled heart that I can’t contain it anymore but I will learn I promise even though you aren’t here physically I know you’re with me spiritually. I love you so much my sweet grams I know you’re at peace just don’t give up on me.