On Stage

Growing up I always somehow felt out of place. I struggled to make friends and I often found myself awkward and a little weird. I can hold conversations and express my opinions without offending anyone. Maintaining friendships has been hard as I moved schools a lot. Being teased was nearly an everyday occurrence until High School when. I enjoyed the arts and in eleventh grade, I decided to take a drama class and I have no idea how that happened or what my decision-making process was then maybe I thought it would raise my GPA? I had no idea.

I did not know what to expect when I suddenly found myself center stage. The stage light shone down on me. I could feel the heat radiating off of it. It was so bright I could not see the crowd but I was fully aware they were there. I just remembered thinking that it was happening and my heart raced. When it was my turn to speak the words and actions came out of my body and I was not thinking about it, it just happened almost simultaneously. The scene was over and I was surprised as to how I was suddenly backstage again. I wanted to be there once more. I wanted to be center stage. Something about the thrill of being on stage made me feel like I was worth something and part of something bigger than I had ever imagined. I miss the pressure of memorizing lines and running through them over and over again. Then working on blocking the scene and practicing the lines with the actions until there was a flow and until I could do the scene in my sleep.

My greatest success was when I did a scene from a streetcar named desire I was flirty and so sure of myself that I was unrecognized. I had 16 pages memorized with a long monologue near the end of the scene. I rarely messed up and I believe it was the highest grade I had ever received. After I was done I wanted to perform it once more. Getting high praise and feedback was a great feeling. I did not feel like an awkward, shy person. I felt like I was where I belonged. The weird thing is that becoming another character is where I felt more myself than I had in any moment of my life. It was an exhilarating feeling, which I never had before. However, I still am a bit quiet and shy and it is not going away. Usually, people who are into drama and arts tend to be more outgoing. It’s rare for an introvert to enjoy being center of attention and on stage.

In university I decided to take drama and for a while it was my minor up until I found out I would need two more years of university in order to graduate and I was not mentally ready for two more years. I liked learning scenes and acting. Even just studying acting was great. I miss the stage. It has been a while since I was there. The pandemic took that away.

The feeling of butterflies in your stomach right before going on stage is exhilarating. It brings you to life in a way I’d never think possible. I never felt more sure of myself, as soon as my feet hit the stage I was someone else and while that’s fun and all. I liked coming off the stage and going back to being perfectly introverted me. However, theatre has made me into a more moulded person, it has shaped me into the Shakespeare loving person that I am. I can read any play and understand it with barely a struggle. It has been one of the best experiences of my life.