Naked Vulnerability

Through the window of the café, the exterior is painted in watercolour: the rain-soaked streets glare at the yellowing lamp posts, the gentle jazz coming from the ancient speaker in the corner. I am here, with a cup of chai on the table slowly getting colder, and my thoughts are wandering around love. No not the hollywood love, not even the love that social media portrays, but love in its truest form, the love that comes with all its intricacies and complexities.

Love isn't a lightning bolt. It is not a firework that goes off at once or the movie scene where the hero pulls out his weapon. True love is not a roar, it is not demanding, it is not loud and obtrusive, but it is real and far more profound.

Beyond the Butterflies

Everyone discusses how the symptoms of a budding affection are like – the feeling of butterflies in your stomach, clammy hands, and the excitement associated with the thought of seeing a particular person. But those are just chemical cocktails, a biological ploy aimed at grabbing your attention. Real love? That is, what happens when those first, exciting moments of the story are over?

Enduring love is when two lovers have looked at the worst side of each other and still decided to stay together. It’s when morning breath and bed head don’t make them turn tail and run! It is the ability to see them at their lowest and instead of turning away or being disgusted, one wants to shield them. It is the knowledge that people are wonderful and flawed, and that loving someone is accepting all their flaws.

The Subtle Signs

How can one be sure one is in love? It is not about the big things that are said or written, it is not about the passion filled prose. It's in the microscopic moments:

• When their happiness is more important than your convenience or priority

• That’s when you are comfortable just being in each other’s presence even without talking.

• When their pain is your pain, their joy is your joy

• When you are ready to confront, knowing that confrontation may be uncomfortable, but you value the relationship more than the temporary comfort.

Emotional Intimacy: The True Indicator

Love is not simply attraction or company. It is about making the environment safe for both people to be real and to express themselves emotionally. Where one takes off the mask; the true, ugly, beautiful, vulnerable self is not only acceptable but embraced.

The following is a discussion I had with Emma, a friend who has been married for fifteen years. ‘They believe love is about passion,’ she said, stirring her espresso. "But passion burns out. Love is the act of deciding to kindle the flame and then nurturing it every single day.

The Practical Magic of Love

The arrogance of love eliminates the fairy tale principles that was propagated by romanced movies frequently interpreted love as an emotion. In this context, it is not a one-time affair but is really a process on an ongoing basis. it is present when it is uninvited. It is, quite simply, pursuing goals, even goals that might seem completely unattainable to everyone else. It about being there to hold your hand when you are down ill or when you have lost someone dear to you or even when you are down financially.

Love is practical magic. It is knowing how they like their coffee prepared. It’s letting them know they have been selected when you know they are under pressure. It is the child helping with the dishes without being prompted to do so. It’s building a partnership, not just a relationship.

The Vulnerability Paradox

Here's a truth many avoid: that for one to be in love, one has to be ready and willing to be rejected or to be heartbroken. To love a person fully, one has to be fully exposed to him or her. It means letting your guard down, exposing yourself to the possibility of being turned down, exposing yourself to be hurt.

This does not in any way allow for abuse or for a person to stay in situations that may be abusive. It means being able to take risks; it means being able to ‘risk becoming different from those who have not risked’, or ‘risk becoming vulnerable in a way people that rarely get vulnerable do’.

Beyond Romance: Different Shapes of Love

Love is not limited to romantic love. It is present between people of different age groups, it is present between friends, within families and between teachers and learners. Often people do not fall in love with their partners but share their love and choose each other over and over again.

The Internal Transformation

The truth is that when you are in love, some kind of change occurs within you. You start seeing the world in a different way. All of a sudden, you see the bigger picture. Your partner is like a mirror showing you aspects of yourself you never knew existed.

Love is not about complementing each other – that notion is a big lie. True love is when two complete people decide that they want to be in each other’s lives and help each other grow as people, push one another to overcome one’s fears and weaknesses.

The Continuous Choice

Love is a daily decision. It is not a state you reach or attain, but a process that one perpetually engages in. There are days when it is easy: free, playful, arbitrary. On other days it is a decision to remain, to comprehend, to share.

A Personal Reflection

From my own experiences I have discovered that being in love is not a question of being perfect. It's about authenticity. It is about two people who look at each other—really look at each other—and, time and time again, conclude that what they have is worth protecting.

The rain outside has become gentle. My chai has gone cold. But the warmth of these reflections stays, and the meaning is clear: love, despite all its shades, is the most powerful gift humanity has been given.

Love isn't a noun. It's a verb. An action. A continuous beautiful choice.