my confession

4/14 My alarm goes off pulling me from a nightmare forcing me to live in another one. I pull on a band tee shirt that's probably dirty. I was downstairs and the smell of coffee filled the air. I grab a coffee mug and pour a cup of coffee. Faye you said you would cut back. I turn around and put the spoon in the sink. I say a lot of things,it runs in the family. Julie is my appointed mother since the day everything went straight to the center of the deepest hell there is. Rick , her husband, comes around the corner. Leave her alone he says. Julie throws her hands up and walks off. I go up stairs. Hey. He says stop me. You need breakfast. No thanks I say. He just looks at me. I'll grab a bite with Jamie. I go up stairs and turn on my t.v. I blast music as I put on my makeup. Which is foundation, dark red eyeshadow and black eyeliner with mascara. I grab my shoes and bag and climb out the window down to my car. I head to Jamie's. He's smoking on the porch when I get there. Cin baby. He says when I get out of the car. I picked up his pack of smokes . mind? I ask. Help yourself. I take one out and light it. I sit on the stairs across from him. You okay? I ask. Yeah he says. Just didn't sleep well. Hmm okay. I say. How are you ?he asked. Good. I say. No really cin. How are you? Good. I say again , with an attitude. Okay. He says. Wanna get food? I ask. Yeah sure. He shrugged. We get into my car and head to the coffee house down the road. Just the two of you ? The waitress asked. Four. I say. Right this way .She seats us at a table in the corner. Eric and Ash will be here in like five. Okay. Jamie says. I have to go to the bathroom.I say. I take my bag with me. I lock the door and set my bag on the sink. I pull out a mint can. I pop two pills. Only two. My voice says behind me. I turn around and try to hide the can. Oh it’s only you. I say. Are you getting weak?Echo asks. No! I say. Good. She takes the can from my hands and opens it. I open my mouth and she places two on my tongue. I swell them. That's my girl. My hands back my can and kiss my cheek. I hide the can back in my bag and go back to Jamie. Eric and Ash are already here. Hey guys. I say sitting next to Jamie. Have you guys decided what you want? The waitress asked. I'll have coffee and a waffle. I say. I'll have a coke and combo 3. Jamie says. I lean over and whisper to Jamie. I need to smoke. I stand up and go outside. I light a smoke , and rest against the wall. Are you not gonna smoke it ? Echo asks. No, I don't really want it. I say. What do you want? I don't know. Hey she turns my head to her. What do you want? Something to forget. Something to feel alive. Everything, anything. Why don't you ask Blake. Blake from Paradise. Yeah why not. Echo says. Yeah I guess I could. I say. I put the ciggie out. I go back inside. Our food was there. Hey are you okay? Who ? I ask. Yeah you. Eric says. Yeah I'm good. I sip my coffee. My phone rings. I decline it. Who was it? Eric asks. No one is important. I say and take a bite of my waffle. My phone goes off again. I decline it. They call right back. Fuck. I say picking my phone up. I answer it. Hello. I am full of attitude. Where are you? Julie asks. Eating breakfast with friends. Why? You need to come home now! Why? Just do it. No! Faye! I hung up. I have to go guys. I leave a ten on the table. When I get to my car , I pull out my phone and call Blake. Hey ,are you working? Yeah. Blake says. Can I come by? Yeah of course. Sweet see you soon. I hung up. It takes me 30 minutes to get there and Julie calls me every 2 minutes.