Memories: 23 February 2025

23 February 2025

7:11 am. Awake. Sorta synapsing. I feel a bit hammered by fate. My wound hurts. Yesterday was rough. I went through all sorts of strange mood states. Triggered by a Covidian monster on fb. Then another one. A famous comedian who actively shilled that shit. Then stated she didn’t do it for the money as she donated her union payment for the Covid ads to charity.

Great. Some charity prospered by her death shilling. She’s too cognitive dissonant to even see the macabre irony in that. Pure Evil.

However, I went into some kind of state, fuelled by exhaustion from lack of sleep and overexerting my nervous system then having to fight actual genocidal morons. The spiritual war is relentless. But so am I! Even with a fairly large wound with still epic subcutaneous bruising, I fight on. With words, with energy, with my Dance and with my merest survival.

I wanted to go to North Stradbroke Island today. But given how I feel I might wait until a day during the week. But I need the sea, so I will see.

It’s raining. So perhaps…another day. Always another day. My life is lived in increments as though I am carefully parcelling out precious time as though I am running out of it. Perhaps my spirit already knows. I’ve lost so much…so much… even Time.

But time is a human construct. And my heart is powerful. Kinstuguied. Stoic. Magickal. Courageous. If no human can ever love this heart, this body, this mind, this soul…then I better pull up my “wollene gutkes” and tighten those stays and dance on…with or without my dream man being made manifest in 3D reality because the gods won’t allow it for higher reasons than my mortal ken.

I will have to trust they have my back and know who and what is for my highest good. Who will be Mine of his own heart, mind, body and spirit? This woman. This crazy but delightful concoction of warrior goddess, Boudiccean bodaciousness and sweet loving fragile temptress.

Only the gods know who is worthy of me. Whose heart is truly gifted to me in glorious sincerity and joy. A true lover, a loyal friend and an honouring supportive life partner. An equal. A man with as much courage and heart as I have, so we can survive this epoch of travesty and treachery and actual fucking zombies. The stuff of nightmares…all made manifest.

Well, the psychedelic dreamer can dream a new reality. One of comradeship, companionship, deep true honouring passionate love meant for me. I might be older, broken, cut to pieces, savagely shredded by fate, but astonishingly…I am not Dead yet. There is yet Time to begin again. Hold my vision. Carefully nurture my love. Walk in light and power made manifest by the gods. 🙂

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She’s running so fast

She’s flying so high

She’s dreaming her man

Right from out of the sky

She’s nothing to lose

By loving her life

It’s broken and brutalised but it’s triumphantly alive.

The One who Sees All.

Welcomes me home.

With deep love and reverence for a woman too long scorned.

The tricksters play.

The liars parlay

But what is left on this bright blessed day?

A new beginning,

An extra soul

And a heart that still yearns and wishes for more.

Gifted in peace, in equilibrium and joy.

A man for a woman, who won’t sully or destroy.

Make it happen, she screams to the gods and the fae.

To the Angels that carry her through each day.

The light changes form, it consolidates, it quickens. My love, have no fear, for the plot always thickens.

Your true lover is here, let him fight his way through. No games, no deceit, no dangerous envy of you. Let him love you in all aspects of your being: a kind man, a soulmate, a lover worth seeing.

Believe in your heart. It’s strong and it’s true. Only the best will be allowed access to you!

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Success! My bags are packed! I’m ready to go. Jarrod is coming along with me. North Stradbroke Island…Yippy Yi Yo! (I even packed sketching supplies…just in case!) Feeling joyous and creative!

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The Conditions are shit: bad dangerous surf and….bluebottles… but we had a yummy lunch. Now walking to Cylinder Beach.

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An Ondine stole my toe ring!

Today was a very lovely, very soul nourishing, very supported, nurturing day. Much needed. I swear to all the gods if I hadn’t gotten to the beach today I might have just died…quite literally. It was the most gorgeous but necessary life affirming thing. So let me break it down how this Magickal day manifested.

I had been wanting to go back to North Stradbroke Island for about ten years. For some reason I never made it back there, likely due to my usual favourite Zen Zone being Byron Bay. Also due to the fact that last time I went to North Stradbroke Island, while swimming at Point Lookout in rather heavy surf, I lost a pair of earrings that a former Israeli friend from my former Shule had gifted me.

They were sterling silver with Jerusalem green rock and I was very upset when I lost them both in the surf. I had actually cherished them that much, but forgot to remove them that day.

Well here’s what happened today! I had been nagging my dear friend and adopted brother Jarrod to come with me to “Straddie”. We had negotiated to go on Wednesday. All good. Except Mama T waxed impatient. Too many near deaths, weird arse accidents, spiritual attacks, feeling older, fragile and feeling I needed the sea and some nurturing. Sometimes only the sea can truly calm my spirit and cool my inner fire.

Although I forget that it’s hard to stand against the crashing surf now. My shins ached, I had cramps in my left foot and leg, pain in my knee, and I got so buffeted by the waves, I could barely stand up…but I fought through it all, as the sea is good for me! Yes? Yes!

So anyway, this morning I woke up and I went outside with a nice cup of tea and I sat under the frangipani tree where I customarily used to sit with Charlie. I was barely awake but just breathing the morning air, feeling this incredible peace when suddenly, I was rather bemused to hear one of the two stainless steel bells that I hung up under the tree, gently tinkling, but there was no breeze so I got up and walked around and studied the little bells. Only one was chiming. Odd, I thought.

I sat back down, thought about it. Then texted Jarrod. “We are going to North Stradbroke Island today. We will catch the 11:30 am ferry”. He responded “I thought we were going on Wednesday?” I said “No, today is the day” so I went in and packed up my little shopping trolley and drove to meet him at the Cleveland ferry.

From Dunwich at Stradbroke we caught a bus to Point Lookout but the conditions were bad i.e. bad surf and thousands of blue bottles so we went to have lunch instead.

Then we walked to Cylinder beach which was a fairly long walk but not too arduous except for the very high steps for my short hobbit legs so Jarrod carried the shopping trolley most of the way. Thank you Jarrod, that was arduous but I appreciated the nurturing.

We get to Cylinder beach and unload our stuff and immediately go swimming which was quite wonderful and much needed. Then the most astonishing thing happened! I had actually taken off most of my jewellery and left it on the beach except for my two toe rings and my nose ring.

On my right foot, I always wear a 9-karat gold toe ring a former friend gave me many years ago. On my left foot I have worn a sterling silver toe ring (that I made myself from a spoon handle), for about six months.

The odd thing about the sterling silver toe ring is it’s quite thick and very hard to take off so I didn’t even think to try to take it off as I thought it was impossible, or at least not worth the wrangling with, there on the beach. I didn’t take off the gold toe ring either.

So I’m walking along the sea bottom, fighting my way through the surf. The water was crystal clear and beautiful. I’m walking. My toes are digging slightly into the sand for purchase. Then I had the most odd sensation of something in the sand gently twisting the sterling silver toe ring sideways and then pulling it off my toe! Eeek!

My logical mind decided that I had caught it on a stick, or something hidden in the sand but a stick would not have twisted it and pulled it sideways then gently slipped it off. It felt like fingers had prised it off my toe.

I was too freaked out to even look down at my feet but kept walking and shrugged my shoulders with acquiescence that my cleansing and purification prayers for healing and protection had been received by the Sea gods and spirits and that the loss of the toe ring was a form of energy exchange for my asking the universe to cast off all evil from me.

I checked both feet and the gold one remained for which I was pleased. I decided that it was no big loss that the silver ring had been taken, as I can easily buy more antique sterling silver spoons to make another one.

So I continued swimming and diving under the heavier surf until my bones ached from the effort and I returned to the shore. Jarrod and I relaxed in the freshwater pool and watched as little fish curiously inspected our toes and in Jarrod‘s case, one even bit him!

Then we decided it was time to go home so we waited for the bus to arrive. We boarded the bus. A group of young people from France in their early 20s, also got on the bus and randomly… because I was feeling happy, carefree, relaxed and a bit silly, I joined in by chatting with them in my very poor broken French, which they found delightful.

So the young man sitting next to me, tells me he was worried as there are eight of them, but he can’t fit them all in his car to return to the city. I had observed that one of the young women looked a bit like my younger daughter Jasmine, and I had told them so.

They seemed like sweet normal kids: tourists in a strange land just wanting to get themselves back to their apartment, so I offered them a lift in my car saying I could take five of them then realised later I could only fit four of them legally in my car.

So the young Frenchman beside me who spoke excellent English tells them that I am willing to drive them to their apartment building and he thanks me but when we arrive at the Dunwich ferry, I realised I had made a mistake as they were not travelling on the same ferry as Jarrod and I, but on a different Sealink ferry.

There was a moment of panic as my word is my bond but they had to go to a different terminal and I did not expect to be able to fulfil my promise to drive them back to the city, which I felt bad about.

But the whole thing was kind of crazy anyway and I laughed with Jarrod about my crazy shamanic ways, trying to do the right thing by complete strangers.

Jarrod thought perhaps we might have lost them and I might not be able to give them a lift after all, so I shrugged and reached acquiescence.

We arrived back at the Cleveland ferry terminal after dark but I bid goodbye to Jarrod, after having asked a security guard on the wharf where the Sealink terminal was, as I had rather unusually offered a lift to some young French people and my word is my bond.

He burst out laughing and pointed in the direction of their Sealink ferry terminal, explaining that it should arrive either very soon after we arrived, or they might even be there already, so I walked across to the Sealink terminal.

They arrived about a minute after I got there and looked at me with such great relief and happiness that I was waiting for them, so I jovially said in French “Bon Soir…J’arrive”! (Good evening, I’ve arrived!) They laughed with genuine delight and happiness. Probably had also been thinking that they had missed out on the opportunity of the lift.

So together we walked to my car which I parked a fair distance away due to the parking all being very full in the morning. As we were walking past the security guard who was laughing with great astonishment that I actually had come back with four young people from France in tow, I laughed back and gave him a wink.

But one of the young men said “so what car do you drive? A Porsche or a Lamborghini?” and I replied “By all the gods! How would I fit you all in a Lamborghini? Don’t be silly. I drive a Mazda, the great God of the Zoroastrians. You have been gifted a lift by a daughter of the gods and this is how the universe operates, of course!” and the security guard laughed even more.

Then I added “Don’t worry kids, it gets even weirder. I drive around in a car with a numberplate that says ‘Ein Sof’ which in Kabbalah means God too, so it’s double Jeopardy, but don’t worry, I’m an excellent driver”.

Then I drove them to the city to Tank Street. On the way I chatted with one of the young men in the passenger seat beside me, commenting on my little witch that hangs off my rear vision mirror.

I replied that I am a witch and a shaman and Jew. “It’s complicated” I said, and I laughed. He replied, “I love your laughter” and I pointed again to my little witch and said “I sound just like a witch, don’t I?” and we all laughed.

On our drive, the GPS took me through French Street at Cooparoo and I muttered “Look at this kids, we’re driving through French Street and this isn’t even my usual way to the city. How very weird that even the GPS gods are playing with us” and they laughed too.

The young man sitting beside me told me that in their English classes last week they had discussed the paranormal and UFOs. I said “but this is my favourite subject as I am a shaman and if you wish to discuss the subject with m, that is your energy exchange and that will make me very happy”, so in our halting French and English we talked about Area 51 briefly.

When I drop them off the lovely young woman named Pauline, who looked a little bit like my daughter Jasmine, reached over and handed me $40. I replied “Please don’t insult this old lady! It was a pleasure to drive you and get you home safe. You don’t need to pay me for that kindness” but she said “You’re the best” and they insisted. So I accepted with grace and happiness.

It was a very strange encounter: more for them meeting “The Tanya” with all her quirky silly shamanistic ways and spiritual oddities. But I was glad to help them out and glad of a beautiful day at North Stradbroke Island where the spirits or the ondines steal my jewellery but the universe spun on a dime and I was gifted in return.

Hallelujah! Blessed the Holy One in all manifestations of holiness, and of goodwill, kindness and faith in the strange and the absurd and the weird and the wild. C’est la vie, babies!

I have had a wonderful day and I feel much much refreshed. Albeit the wound on my arm is a bit sore, the sea will have done it some good!

I told Jarrod we shall make a visit again soon, before summer ends. It was so good for us both!

23 February 2024

Ready for another wild night out. Same frock! Same mojo! Same attitude! Rock on…Alter Egos…Mama T will shortly be in da House!

23 February 2023

Today I had a lovely coffee and cake with daughter at a vegan café in Annerley called Paper Moon. It had a lovely vibe there, reminiscent of how The Three Monkeys used to be.

It was great to see Crystal too. She showed me photos of her recent trip to Springbrook of the most beautiful trees enveloped in a mist (low cloud descending on the mountain.) Magickal!

I am still waiting in my oxygen gas bottle to be delivered to Total Tools so I can go collect it. It’s ridiculous how long it has taken. But all good. I guess I can wait…although I have a the project of the sterling silver Yoda so I am champing at the bit to get it done 🙂.

“Wait, you must Tanya-Le….but never forget The Force is ALWAYS with you!” Yes Yoda but the mortals are haphazard and incoherent and disorganised.

All in good time, my lovely…all in good time. 🙂

23 February 2022

I just debriefed with my wonderful staunch psychiatrist. I told him, “Doctor, in the last three weeks in the midst of an emotional breakdown over my lawns, with bad asthma, bad arthritis, bad bowel issues, in some serious trauma activation…I have managed to not only buy a lawnmower but also in the past two days, even though it felt incredibly hard, to mow my entire property!

I realised rather whimsically that I am indeed an incredibly powerful woman. Imagine if I had been healthy all my life and had plenty of money….Why! I would have been dangerous!” He concurred. “Yes, you would have been very dangerous indeed”.

So my task now is to overcome all my limitations, to invite good kind soul nourishing people into my life who support and encourage me and have my back. And to keep blossoming in all my undertakings.

All those dirty filthy motherfuckers that put me down as a young woman (envious of my good fortune of having a family and a freehold home)…so envious they went all out to destroy me with their vicious false Nazi libels, and later strangulations and rapes.

Well … The Tanya sends you this missive from the ether, and to the furthest reaches of space. Fuck you!

My doctor is proud of me for my fierce defiance and inner strength that only the gods can impart to me.

I am proud of myself too. I needed a lot of support which I am grateful for but I also know that I can achieve the almost impossible by the grace of my gods and my bright beautiful shining and staunch Earthangels.

Grateful happy fierce warrior goddess/hobbit woman here!

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Too late... we already sped down that highway, now we are on the stairway to heaven...on the up and up, although sometimes my angel drags me by the hair. She wants the best for me, even if I do often feel like she is killing me!

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Live as fully, joyfully, triumphantly and lovingly as you can, for as long as you can, while you can. Time is of the essence! Reclaim your life.

23 February 2021

Zombie, zombie. Although my random parts did not fell off but were surgically removed. A necessary evil. No good carrying around dead wood or defunct infected tissue.

But as my bladder is flagging I am a tad worried. I am going for another ultrasound to see what the problem is.

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West End Drumming Circles are a fun laidback way to connect with the rhythms of life as they flow through the drummers’ hands, the skins of the drums, into the hearts and minds of those in the circle recalibrating our spirits and flowing with life energy!

All bring their joy and energy to the circle, regardless of their level of playing field. It’s delightful!

Come along and share in the joy!

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1:11pm magic happens...Babies!

23 February 2020

Today Lyn and I attended a Healing Toning Circle run by West End Drumming Circles and facilitated by Belinda Daniel.

We had a lot of fun, playing Suzuki chords and other percussion instruments. Belinda played her hand pan and guided us in our musical quest.

We soon raised energy with our focus and intent. It was lovely.

23 February 2019

Day 13 spring cleaning. Vacuumed floors (but mainly because I broke two glass objects).

Rearranged my perfume bottle collection (broke one 😞 ) in the bathroom. Later in evening I wasn’t satisfied with the “look” so brought an old drawer I had stored outside, washed it then had to rearrange perfume collection a second time. I culled about 4 bottles. (As a nod to my decluttering efforts).

I also spent time in the back bedroom washing the window frames down. Black with grime. Tomorrow I will go back in there and take the windows out and scrub them properly in the bath. I can’t get them clean enough while perched on the desk, hanging from the ceiling like fruitbat!!!

Also tomorrow I will mop all the floors. I still need to dust and polish the kitchen. Arrrrghhh but I have made a huge progress.

My feet are aching again. I should go dancing but feel exhausted. Hmmm.

23 February 2018

10.25 am. Leg aching again. Probably the damp weather. But then it hurt in the excessive heat too. Annoying! I have tried weaning off the anti-inflammatories as they were only for short term anyway. Week 4 Of leg pain.

See how I go. Gonna try to manage without them again today.

I must be unwell as I am still so tired since Saturday. I suppose that dancing 2 nights with a dodgy hip and leg (then being called a Pig by that Treasury casino reception staff member) will make one feel tired/depleted/defeated.

A woman on her own who dares to dance in spite of her pain is treated shabbily because society hates Survivors and seeks to prevent us from Thriving. Fuck that Shit!

No money, almost out of time but I laughed/danced/tribal moshed and stood tall on my short fat Hobbit feet, I inspired and respired, all the time coddling my unrequited broken heart and writing/speaking my Truth.

I was Seen and Heard and loved platonically by those who walked the path from desecration to freedom with me.

Loved and honoured. Grateful to be here. Strong and Brave and Free (if only in my own mind and paradigm).

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2:04 am. Torrential Rainnnnn! Yay!

23 February 2017

I spoke to Crystal last evening. Here is what she had to say about her holiday.

Brussels: Boringgg so boring she made a vlog about it in front of a Belgium army soldier who was unimpressed. The only statue she saw was of a little boy pissing. The only food shops sold chocolate and waffles which she cannot partake of as she is lactose intolerant.

She did visit a chocolate factory and was offered fondant but could not imbibe so the guy in the factory gave her some dark chilli chocolate which was lactose free and utterly delicious but when she came to buy it at the factory shop it was not available. Arggghhh.

Paris: she went to see the cemetery where Oscar Wilde is buried. Sang him a song from her show and thanked his spirit for his support.

She finally got to see the Eiffel Tower even though it was snowing and slushy in her snow boots.

She visited Sacre Couer which is beautiful and went to the part where you are only allowed to go if you pray. She said a little prayer and you look up into the dome to see the most exquisite angels painted up there. She said she understood how religion could really influence people in such beauty and splendour.

She walked down the mountains using "Map Me" found all the famous Artist residences. Renoir's was painted pink but its garden had a huge wall so she could not see into it apart from a tree towering over the wall.

She went to Montmartre. She ate in a restaurant overlooking Moulin Rouge and watched with interest, tourists getting photos outside of it.

She went to the Salvadore Dali museum which was startlingly beautiful. It was so amazing to see the textures of the paint and colours. She loved his self-portrait cleverly hidden in a pole piercing a butterfly.

I told her he is one person I should love to have met as he must have had the most intricate mind.

Amsterdam: she tried to visit the Anne Frank house. There were long queues, so long that it started triggering her, reminiscent of lines in concentration camps.

In the long queues people were jovial and upbeat to the point she felt ill. She felt it was disrespectful of the memory of Anne Frank and what that house represented. So she left.

She intends to buy a ticket next time so she can visit at a different hour and avoid the churlish rowdy dishonouring crowds and have a more sobering respectful experience in the house.

She visited another town in south of Holland, and stayed with a friend there.

When she arrived back in London she found the street where Oscar Wilde had lived (she had not been able to find this street previously). She took it as a sign that she has made right decision to head back to London.

In the bus she met up with another young Australian woman (a young filmmaker) she had met before. The young woman was heading back to Australia. They had a great trip back to London, sharing stories about their travels.

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Horrible acrid bitumin or chemical smell filtering through my front windows. Day 2 of this. Must be roadworks on Cavendish road. How toxic can it be if I can smell it from here, several streets away?

23 February 2016

11.07 pm drinking wine, shredding paper. Ain't nobody got time for that!!!!

Corena Bohm: I hear you!! 11.40 drinking Bourbon and silently dealing with Bullshit.

You Go Girl!!!!!

Me: Lol! Yum! Bourbon! All I got is Cleanskin Chardonnay.

Corena Bohm: I don't mind that Tanya!! Lol I'm just lucky I've got half a bottle left over from the weekend!!!!

Me: I can't afford to be an alcoholic. I think the Universe keeps me broke for bad times like these. Not because I am weak but because I have been strong all my life and every now and then I need to bust out a little (or a lot!)

Shoulders back, head high, chin pointed forward, eyes on the future, feet planted firmly on the ground, spirit rising, boobs up and forward. Fuck the evil Bastards. They have no idea Whom they are dealing with! The universe has our back, front, right and centre. Hold on, Honey! We got this!

PS. It is rare that I meet a fellow Witch who understands the Path and has suffered and overcome as I have done. Welcome! I recognised you the first time we danced at that ignominous shit-den of evil.

If not for the few good and decent and talented people who basically keep the doors open in that pub, with blood sweat and tears, I would have taken myself away and invested my time more wisely. But there were women who needed us. I did my best. That is all anyone ever can do. Stand tall and stand proud! You rock, Corena!

Corena: Thank you soon much Tanya! You have no idea just what that means to me 🙂 I knew you were on a similar vibrational path as me the first time we met also 🙂 xxxx

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4.50 pm I just woke up! I felt very unwell yesterday, so unwell that when Crystal Skyped me I could barely string sentences together. I was weighted down by a heavy depression and exhaustion.

Not even seeing her or hearing her voice improved my state. I just felt so lost and abandoned. I cut the call short. I rested a bit longer then got up and had one of my manic fourth or fifth winds. I shredded up old recipe magazines, cutting out recipes worth keeping and leaving the rest to be recycled. 10 magazines.

Meanwhile I watched Netflix. It was soothing to sit and watch shows while keeping my hands busy. The mood was intolerable. Bobo sat under my feet and chewed dozens of the scraps of paper he pulled out of the bag I was putting them in. So he was kept occupied too. It was a lot to clear up off the floor when I finally went to bed at 2 am. (I put Bobo to bed in his crate at midnight).

I awoke at 5 am. Unable to switch off my mind. I had taken my usual dose of 50 mgs of Seroquel to sleep but it was not enough. So I took another 50 mgs. I then woke up at midday. Let the dog out to play. Let the hens out. Filled up their water. I still felt like a zombie. So I took my usual daily medications and went back to sleep.

I needed the rest. By the gods, I needed it. I am experiencing a delayed reaction to grief and trauma from a few weeks ago. Or is it my usual PTSD from my entire life? I cannot always be sure what the trigger will lead to.

I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. 3 weeks debrief has flown by.

Anyway I am glad I disposed of the recipe magazines. I found a few awesome recipes for homemade yoghurt and coconut jelly. So I put them in my recipe album.

I am a funny sort of woman. I collect recipe books and never use them. But I am glad I kept them and sorted through them last night. Keep the pearls and declutter the dross.

I should probably get rid of a lot of books too. But baby steps.

23 February 2014

4.00 am woke up. Less that 4 hours sleep. Not cool as I need way more than that. I was brightened to see some nice spiritual posts. Life goes on and I truly believe this year is going to be more awesome and interesting than any before.

I will be 49 in April. So the past few weeks I have been hammered thick and fast with lots of spiritual synchronicities and closures and revelations so it's been a great turmoil but nothing so traumatic as in previous years. I am starting to get calmer, stronger and roll with the knocks better than ever before . I love being older. Life is Beautiful.

23 February 2013

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Just watched Snow White and the Huntsman! Wonderful movie. Feel all empowered and inspired by the Divine Feminine now! Woot!

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Annette and I had a lovely night dancing at Irish Murphies. Got home around 3 am. Now watching Cowboys Vs Aliens. Will go to bed when it's finished lol.

23 February 2012

I came close to being electrocuted by the overhead wires yesterday. Was winding my passion fruit vines when the Council garbage truck connected with low wires. It was arcing all along truck and I got such a fright as did the carpenters working 2 houses up from me. I rang Energex and they are going to replace the pole.

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Crystal arrived in Bangkok safely! I am sure she will have an amazing time.

23 February 2011

23 February 2010

Mum is not doing so good the past few days. They are keeping her comfortable with Morphine and I am really really dreading The End of her life as we know it and Praying for a Peaceful Entry into the Next Adventure. The waiting is the hardest part.

23 February 2009

I just finished watching the Oscars...awesome! and am quietly Waiting for Godot.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons