Memories: 22 February 2025

22 February 2025

…

9:25 am here I go! Back in 3D reality… or what is left of the crumbling matrix and distorted timelines. Fuck you CERN, and the Covid vaccine masterminds and the other dirty bastards that interfered with space-time and the fabric of the universe here on earth with your nukes.

However, I am ALIVE in spite of all of you. And so are my fellow courageous loving sentient humans and the rest of Life on Earth. We are scraping together our hearts/minds/souls and fighting forwards each and every day with our very breath, our truth, our courage and our Corazon.

We are holding Life itself precious…knowing it is a gift that cannot be willingly compromised or desultorily sullied and desecrated. It is our duty to manifest it in every way possible. If not by childbearing and raising the next generation… then by expressing our soul in its penultimate creativity and joining with other likeminded souls to co-create a better safer life for us. Something we can be proud of, or at least rejoice in.

So the Dance must continue. The Dance of Life! But when that last luxurious languid passionate tango dancer comes for me at last…I am ready, knowing that everything I lived for had meaning and courage and heart and my existence will not have been a complete waste of primary energy force and that I mattered. To someone. Somewhere. Who witnessed my Becoming and was inspired to Become themselves also.

Take courage, People of Earth…the wise ones, the lonely ones, the frightened ones. There are worlds beyond worlds and the Angels truly do have our backs. You need only ask…Believe and Receive. With harm to none…it is always Done. Time takes time. Better luck next time…

22 February 2023

I just downloaded “Lies My government told me” by Dr Robert Malone. It’s available free on Kindle via Amazon.com.au until the 28 February 2023.

An important read! I also downloaded The Real Anthony Fauci but the third title “Causes Unknown” by Ed Dowd was not available free. However I saw his interview on a podcast and will consider buying his book when my funds allow.

We as a nation need to keep adhering to Truth, Free speech and educate ourselves on the malfeasances of our current Covid Epoch. We need to fight back the 5th generation psy ops, the malignant silencing and censoring and the genocide of our time.

We need to create a fair, equitable, decent, honourable global society. We need to love ourselves and each other enough to work towards this goal. Otherwise we are doomed as a species.

22 February 2022

Hah! I went to Supercheap and bought the jerry can and an extra funnel I did not actually need. Then stopped at the petrol station. Filled the jerry can. I got home, filled the lawnmower tank.

Punkt! It starts raining!!! Are you serious???! I guess the mowing can wait another day. It isn’t due until Thursday but I wanted to get in early and try out my new machine. Lol!

…

Today 22 February 2022 marks the 8th year since I met the man who I fell rather stupidly in love with. It also marks (as of the 20th February!) 30 years of friendship with Jarrod. I ended our friendship on 22 January.

So today also is the day my new lawnmower arrives (I hope!). It is paid for so I hope there are no further delays in getting it delivered. It’s been a rather stressful time but as I don’t have any males in my life to assist me with this task and the contractors were so obtuse or unreliable it fell to me to take back my power.

I hope I can manage the lawnmowing by myself! My hands are very sore with arthritis the past few days. I have been outside to clean my fishpond filter and it hurt to even bend down. My ribs and Lower back pinched and ached and it was hard to breathe.

But…I got the job done and when the mower arrives I will make myself get that job done too. As often as my body will allow me. There is no other way but to be an independant woman and fight my way through to get jobs done. Even with my poor health.

I have been thinking deeply the past few days about all the demonic influences that caused me so much irreparable damage. About the fact that no lovers ever made a true commitment to me and left me floundering for decades in grief and trauma bonding while they went on to have wonderful lives.

It’s not fair. But it is what it is. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on to this life. Too many fake sadistic people have left me sucked dry like a husk.

But The Tanya does what she does best and rides through this horror-scape as she has always done. Stripped bare and at times fragile and as one friend pointed out …Lonely. Well I am not exactly lonely… I have a few good people still in my life, and Beauregard, and Charley.

When I was a teenager I used to do ouija board (yes really, as I was brought up by occultists and spiritualists which used their magick as weapons against me even in infancy!) no wonder I was blocked from any real love partners as everything and everyone was manipulated by something dark and unholy.

Then when you factor in the psyche-splitting damage from the child sexual abuse it is really no wonder I was only ever able to attract more Dybbuk-ridden monsters to eat away at my pristine soul which even now, even now they failed to totally consume.

The Tanya with her love of the gods (Adonai in all manifestations) proved harder to annihilate than they expected. (Giggles) it seems my guardian Angel is one of the hierarchy or let’s be real here, I would not be alive today to moan about my age-ing body and my arthritis. And yes my survival really does feel like a worse curse or punishment at times.

But I digress… one of the regular spirits that used to communicate with me in my adolescence was called “The Lonely Jew”. They never gave me their actual name but they often gave me accurate information. They were “lost” in the sense of being earthbound and at that time I thought they might have perished in the Shoah (Holocaust).

I have had cause to think about them over the years. I wonder now if that “Lonely Jew” person was really my higher self as only three years later I converted to Reform Judaism then after arriving in Brisbane at 23, thus began my journey of spiritual martyrdom as Pam Hopf accused me of being a jackbooted Nazi because my mother is/was German and thus she annihilated my entire life as I went into a two year spiritual/emotional battle to clear my name.

Now she moonlights on a page in support of a fellow Manchester woman who had unfairly had her children torn from her. Every time I see her active on there: I feel sick. Her vicious slander led to my marriage breakdown (my marriage was already Toxic beyond belief) but that cascade of cumulative trauma put the final death knell on it.

I literally had to fight to keep my children, then two years after my divorce, be trapped in a hellish existence as an ex lover threatened us for 18 months. Not a coincidence or just bad luck…no…it was a deliberately orchestrated terror campaign designed to make me crack so that I would either suicide or go completely mad and then my evil perverted paedophile family members wanted to take my children. (They threatened this frequently so no, I was not paranoid or imagining it!)

So yes…demonic influences. The gift of their evil hatred and envy of my merest survival kept giving…

David Davidson who still haunts me from beyond the grave. Another accident? No…a deliberate chipping away and erosion of what is left of my fight for self-determination, true love and Shalom! Hahahaha. Vile dickheads.

But he is desperately trying to rectify all his wrongs from the other side of the veil and let’s face it when he colluded with my mother and her conartist husband Buck Scherer and broke my heart AND my spirit to the point I spent the next 20 years as a shuffling pharmaceutical dependant Zombie… well there is a lot that needs to be rectified and he does not have that power.

Only G-d and my own stubborn struggling Berserker Goddess Self does. (With my kinstiguied heart and inflamed arthritis hands and body and weakened lungs and half eroded spirit because every battle I had to fight, big or small, took some of my strength and vitality away and if you ever saw me dancing wildly at the casino or in pubs or clubs, you know that was me blowing Life back into my body, mind and spirit so I had the temerity (the chutzpah) the guts…to Fight on another day.

Then Covid came and everyone across the globe lost their shit. But not I. I had weathered enough storms.

So no I am not lonely, not in the truest sense. Nor am I weak or pathetic although loving a man incapable of loving me has felt rather soul-destroying and debilitating and yes…sadistic. But loving him was an awakening for me.

A call to my inner soul: that tiny phosphorescent psychedelic beautiful spark of the Divine Feminine…Adonai didn’t do much for me except draw ever more cruel and cold and vapid men into my life whilst keeping me trapped in a community that betrayed me, besmirched me and almost brought about my death, not once, but several times and when I dared stand up to that machinery of debasement and speak MY TRUTH I was screeched at and accused of being a Victim by some disgusting creature posing as an Israeli woman.

Also the female psychiatrist who did not have the courage or decency to have my back, that sat through that evil meeting as if sleep-walking.

Yes Brisbane Jewish Board of Deputies …I have not forgotten that evening where I actually bravely turned up in support of the new Holocaust centre to be brought into existence, only to be vilified and Demonised yet again!

Ugly and reprehensible but my dybbukkim no longer recognise (or acknowledge) your dybbukim. I am done with evildoers promoting themselves as holy people in the name of Judaism. Frankly I am done with most humans across all vectors of human experience.

Just trying to get my lawns mowed has been fraught. Basic needs and basic human rights.

So yes I know who “The Lonely Jew” is now. That energy came to save me each time some filthy verminous man attempted to strangle me.

They came to stand behind me when I was feeling threatened at Irish Murphies. One woman even commented that she could see an enormous Angel standing right behind me and I should call upon them for assistance when in danger.

I thought it a schizoid fantasy on her part, but indeed when I needed help in dangerous situations that entity truly did clear the room very quickly.

Now I know…I know. The Holy One is a Jealous G-d. They simply won’t permit me a loving life partner. I belong to that Energy. And I know, I know the power of my righteous fury and the cleansing mortification of my spirit when I dance wildly and joyously or when I go to “war” because I cannot stand idly by while my “neighbour” bleeds or whilst women who walked too close to my path have been forced into spiritual suffering as had I, for no good reason other than they were born Free and owned a Vagina.

So you know…the Lonely Jew who walks with me, or is integrated in me is really my higher Self and we paid a huge price for our perceived weakness and “loneliness”.

We were judged by other lesser mortals for our very Existence and we were not found lacking or wanting in courage (cohones) HEART or MIND even though there were many years we were driven almost out of our mind while we struggled to raise my children, alone and under constant savage attack by my own Jewish community, my family of origin and by the court system.

So here we go, the lonely Jew, me and myself and I.

We are One. We are powerful. We are Loved by Someone far more nurturing than other humans. We are here.

Never Fuck with The Tanya.

22 February 2021

22 February 2020

Love letter from the Void:

Dear Tanya,

You are yet again immersed in another battle of will over your body. This time it’s 12 skin cancers that have fucked your vibe. It’s amazing how such seemingly innocuous things can cause such discomfort. But here you are, struggling to slap on more Vaseline on parts of your back that your hands can’t reach and struggling with sleep disorders and the constant craving for Love. You crazy beautiful but amazingly strong woman, you.

We the gods have sent you absolutely stunningly beautiful champions. Your cousin Megan who checks on you daily. Nigel too. Those who stand by silently as this has gone on for so long and we are all so tired.

Last night you had a call from Crystal. When you told her about recent events she just sighed and said “those people are just not your people and will never be, so you have to find your Tribe one day!” You wanted to cry as you know there is no place on earth that will ever truly accept you. It’s ghastly.

But you have a small tribe of souls that cheer you on and love you in your eccentric unique and courageous way!

That is your blessing in life. We have done another clearing of people who are unkind or try to debase you. You know who truly loves you now and who are just false and callow.

Last night an old grief revisited you about Dave whom you met 6 years ago. You had to laugh when you read through the Facebook memory as already one woman had popped up as a “rival”.

Really the sabotage had begun almost immediately but yet you so lovingly and stoicly tried to make a silk purse out of a pig’s ear. A Boar. A bore. But you loved that one. Even we gods are astounded how you held out in high hopes of true love.

We think he loved you too for a while as he “stalked” you everywhere. Not in a threatening way, but he certainly kept a dreadlocked hairy eyeball on you. Often lurking in the crowd of the casino.

But we the gods want you to have a real lover. You know...one that is actually present in your life, and doesn’t play cruel games.

You started to open up last year to the possibility of another man showing up but he too, played you for a fool.

So now you know that human men are not capable of honouring you and you know that those who prove that need to be purged like a cancer blistering with liquid nitrogen. Pop! Then drain.

They have drained you enough. Let them go.

(I hear your spirit fight me on this! You loved him truly...) but your body is starting to die and you deserve another joyous vibrantly beautiful love affair that gifts you with sweetness and happiness and another uprising in your core.

Let go the carrion feeders that only bring you to the brink of Death. Can you? Will you, Tanya?!

There is no reward in heaven for a life stalemated, interrupted, maladapted and brutalised by bastards.

This is your Time! Hold it precious.

We have spoken!

Love from ..........

…

Just watched “Life itself” on Netflix. Powerful. Poignant. “When life brings you to your knees, get up and each time take your story a little farther...to Love”.

Another line “I craved happiness and stability like a fat person craves chocolate”. That describes me to a T. Mama T and her chocolate. And reaching out to her Beloved when she knows it’s hopeless but she finds herself crawling from her gravel rashed existence, up from her knees, lovingly pushing herself to take her story another step farther. For Love. No matter how hopeless or how far or unattainable. Unfathomable but always True.

No accidents in the multiverses that I should stumble upon this movie today.

My “Angels” and the trickster Dybukkim have my back. Always have...always will.

…

I remember when I first met the “bluebird”. I think it was in 2009 when all of a sudden a dam broke in my psyche and I was happy nonstop for four hours. A terrifying experience for me as I had never had such a long sustained bout of intense happiness before.

My mother bought me little bluebird of happiness earrings as a child. No doubt to compensate for the misery and trauma she both consciously and unconsciously knew she was inflicting on me.

Her birthday card which begged me at age 32 to be her “happy girl again” was rather poignant.

Happiness, stability and true love. Our birthright. Every living soul’s birthright.

I am reclaiming it. Declaring it to the multiverses. Let me have my one true love and my happiness again. Please. Thank you. 🙂

Charlie came into my life in March 2017. He has a blue head and would have a blue chest if he would quit rejecting his own bluebirdy happiness. But he is the embodiment of Love. As are Penny, Socks, and Beauregard.

Ultimately we create our own happiness, love and meaning.

…

I got up during the night, unable to sleep anyway. Sterilised a needle and popped the big blister on my tattoo. Oh such relief. After 4 days of discomfort. Even then I still did not get any sleep until after 4 am.

My body is fighting for survival. I am trying to just go with the flow. Intense.

It’s windy outside. A bit cooler. So it should be another nice day.

22 February 2019

9.23 am. The storm must be coming as I just had a bad attack of “thunder asthma”. All the dust being whipped up by the winds is not helping my chest.

I might not get much work done today around the house as I feel weak and exhausted. But I have felt that every day and much was achieved by working in small spurts of energy then resting.

Usually late at night is when I got most things done. I love having the night to myself.

….

Today is Day 12 of house clearing/cleaning and attending to odd jobs that have irked me for years and needed addressing. Silly little things. But there is satisfaction in fixing them or bringing them back to their pristine state.

Yesterday I kept battling the back bedroom. I took down the filthy curtains (at 1 am no less!) and washed them. (Still got a load in the washing machine this morning!)

I will need to take down the windows today to give them a good scrub. I cleaned down the desk and desk lamps and spent the arvo putting away beads and jewellery clutter that had grown exponentially on that desk and was covered in a thick layer of dust. I washed everything.

My task today will be to finish cleaning in that room (just the filing cabinet left to declutter and dust!)

Hopefully vacuum and wash the floors. (Always the hardest thing for me to motivate to do - what’s with that?!)

Last evening I polished some wooden pictures in the kitchen then I noticed the sweet Portuguese one needed extra care. I glued little tea cups and two little pewter dogs inside it to add to the “story”.

This morning I found I needed to re-glue some of it and put tape on the back to keep the little photo in place. It’s a work of art and my inner child loved playing with it and getting it back to its former glory. I even got the musical mechanism to work again. Although I put so much olive oil on it that it sounded like it was playing under water!

Yesterday I worried about the impending cyclone so I went out to my rubbish pile awaiting collection on Monday and threw all the loose stuff inside the 2 wardrobes as I feared if the wind gets cyclonic here that all the loose stuff might become projectiles and damage cars or windows in the street. I was the only one to worry about this.

I even grabbed my neighbour Timsa’s few offerings to put away inside my wardrobes as there was no point in leaving his loose stuff to potentially fly around.

Then I took down all my glass jar lanterns and tucked them in the cupboard at the back of my house so they cannot fly around in the high winds. I put away anything that is likely to become dangerous or break.

This morning the wind has lessened and still there is no rain. So as I suspected the cyclone has passed us by but it was wise to prepare for it.

I had only 6 hours sleep and my feet are still aching and my meridians are jangled (from over-exertion, the heat and a feeling of caution about the imminent storm!)

But all is well. I have done what I can to prepare for the storm. All will be fine. I just hope we get some much desired and needed rain.

22 February 2018

Still extremely fatigued. Slept on and off all day for past few days.

The car rego gets taken out of my account tonight so that leaves me with $10 until Tuesday. Bloody stressful. No wonder I just shut down and go foetal.

But at least that major bill is taken care off. I have had difficulties with AGL all week as they kept making huge mistakes on my account and were over-charging. Then they sent me nasty emails claiming I was overdue etc etc. They have now cancelled my Bill smoothing and put me on “Staying Connected”.

If they get this wrong again I will take it to the Ombudsman. I can barely cope with the expense of energy costs without the added emotional Cost of their constant mistakes!

Anyway after dealing with them for third time this week, I just went to bed.

Now watching “The Frankenstein Chronicles”. A way to distract myself from my own daily horrors.

22 February 2017

Whilst I do not agreee that the F-word is any more demonic (except in context and delivery) than those sweet Christian prayers and epithets mouthed by false people who serve no G-d but their own agendas, there is something intrinsically evil about bullying whether by a President or his followers. Bullying a handicapped woman and children is even more disgusting.

It is rare that people like this Pastor find the courage in a group mentality to protect and defend women and children. Bystanders are really creepy how they will salute you at the end of your heroic deeds as though they had a real part in defending the innocent.

Most often they did not. They were just observers of the aggression and the warrior's fight for justice. I find those types callow and sickening.

I have experienced many many attacks on my life - in childhood and adulthood. In recent years while dancing in fetid dark places full of drunks and debauchery with minimal protection I was often the one that fended off abusers.

There comes a time in everyone's life when you simply have had enough of bullying/harassment/sexual assaults/ lying/ slander/ and other darker aspects of human conduct and something inside you snaps and for a while there you become your own hero/light/avenging angel.

Only much later after the adrenaline subsides and the trauma is processed do you realise how brave and fierce you have become (and always were!)

Then you crave sweetness, Serenity, to be held safely supported by good people who love you and care for you and never let you down.

But the rivers of trauma run very deep and you know they can cascade in mighty turbulent flood waters in any given moment under extreme conditions.

This is the backhanded gift of abuse. It makes us strong. Often very sad to have to live amongst such fear and hate and ignorance and violence. But strong nevertheless!

22 February 2016

My blood is boiling. BCC is going to charge James for cleaning up the council land behind his house. They say he has created hazards there (presumably his sculptures made from fallen logs?)

So instead of lauding him for all his hard work they are treating him as a criminal. Fucking Nazis. They were too lazy or selfish or stingy to do the work and now he has done it all they are gunning for him.

Queensland. The fucked State.

22 February 2015

I have been craving going horse-riding again after decades. I must heal my ankle then find a place where I can hire a horse for a few hours. It would be great to ride and breathe fresh air again!

…

About 15 years ago, when I was working at the QPSA and was desperately unhappy and going through major hell both at work and with Mum and Buck, I was going almost every weekend down to Byron Bay to heal and gather strength for the weeks ahead.

I remember meeting an inquisitive Israeli woman in an art gallery. She asked me what I was looking for? I said “A safe and happy new life!” She looked me in my eyes and saw my deep pain.

Then wisely she said to me, “Don't even dream of coming here until you have tied up all the loose ends from your old life, or you will only be dragging all that hell with you, to your new heaven”. I nodded sagely and continued on with my day.

Here I am, still cutting ties to my old life, still leaving it behind me, still praying for a life of love, peace and contentment. I am almost there, almost there.

I will wait until my foot heals and try to get down to Byron next weekend, or the next. At almost 50 I cannot be held back from my dreams for a fulfilling loving life anymore.

The past weeks and months, with the significant abuse from Irish Murphys which was a place I expressed my new-found joy and freedom in dance and for which "crime" I was thwarted and betrayed, maligned and slandered.

To the point one woman is now answering to the police for her viciousness. I have reached a point of Zero Tolerance for arseholes. I did nothing wrong and I was not a troublemaker but now I have been rudely and unjustly scapegoated, now the trouble will begin.

I will walk away when I am ready and when I am strong and well enough again. I will walk away with my head held high, as I know I was the victim of petty ugly moronic envy.

There are very few who have stayed in my life, whom have remained true. For that I am grateful, happy and blessed.

…

4.21pm. Awake, still sore ankle. Blech!

22 February 2014

I had a lovely time out last night, in spite of the epic back pain. I also met a very interesting man with epic Dreadlocks. I've met him before but last night he came over and talked with me.

Lovely guy. Very calm and quiet but seemed to cope with my overt personality. That is a huge positive in his favour, not many men can handle me or have my requisite standards of basic respect and manners.

Life is very intriguing at the moment. Do I dare to Dream of More???? Lmao!

…

Wildddd night at Irish Murphys tonight. Whole place is going OFF. I had to take a mental health break and spend some time with my busker mate George and Brian. Now back and the place is jumping !!!

My back is killing me so sitting down absorbing the music and the Vibe!!! :-)

…

I had a nice quiet day at home, then visited Gail who has her sister Jane visiting from Tasmania. So we had a lovely good old natter about our childhoods and funny shenanigans.

22 February 2013

I just watched "The Kings Speech", an absolutely spiffing movie! Superb!

…

Slept from 6 am til 12 noon again. Not cool! Learning to live on less sleep though. Pity the 6 hours was broken by the need to pee, the sound of lawnmowers and Bella yapping at Penny. I wasn't tired all night, again.

I am going dancing tonight so hopefully I will sleep better after all that leaping about,if my knee and legs let me :-).

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22 February 2011

22 February 2009

is so excited about seeing Crystal's performance with Sybil on thursday nigh.

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has had an interesting time...saw Ghosttown last night at the movies...lovely movie

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons