Memories: 22 December 2025

22 December 2025

7:32 am Another beautiful morning. But my breathing backslid again. This staying alive thing is such a fucking scam. But hineini. Present and accounted for! Stand up Warrior Goddess! Hold your line!

(Mumbles….mmmmk!)

22 December 2023

2:43 am another long night without sleep. When will this end?

…

22 December 2021

…

Last night I also sewed this petit point tapestry that I made when I was 16 years old. It has laid around for 40 years!

My mother never bothered to frame it. She had insisted I make it for her as a gift then in true narcopath style did not even value it.

It came back to me after her death. I found it lying around in my stash of doilies etc so now it is incorporated into my skirt. Waste not want not and I will wear it with pride.

All my hard work, even from 4 decades ago is finally being cherished! Even if it is only by my own self!

…

It’s a scathing hot day so I decided to paint some more resin on my unfinished cases. I am starting to get excited as the one on the right is now finished and the one on the left just needs the outside to do. So close to completion after laying on my floor for a year and a half.

I also tried making cast resin skulls and hearts with crushed up paua shell scraps I had left over from carving inlays. I hope they turn out great! I added purple glitter as well.

22 December 2019

3:46 am. Home from a beautiful night spent dancing for a Viking Pirate. Complete with Pirate hat decorated with silver cutlery. I wished I had my purple top hat on. We would have looked like soul kin together!!!

I could almost fall in love. (Says she whom only a few days ago wrote that I must never fall in love again because it invariably gets dangerous for me when I do!) But he was pure magic. An excellent singer and guitarist.

Also there is nothing wrong with being in love with Life and random strangers in the night that you just have lighthearted fun, dancing and singing with them, then go home to my dog and cats and bird cos their love is universal and completely devoted and true!

Pauly and I bonded over weed and Odin. He was so sweet and a gentleman. He said “I am very sensitive” I quipped “yes I see that in you. You are an artist and that often comes with a sensitive nature”. I joked “you used to be a showgirl but now you an artiste!” He laughed good-naturedly at my genderbending humour.

I sensed he was married or in a relationship and my other Streetie friend Matthew got a tad hysterical cos he could see there was a certain “frisson” between me and Paulie. But I was just celebrating my life and I was being witnessed and admired with no heavy sexual agendas and it was kismet and beautiful and actually quite healing.

I danced to his music for several hours because I got bored at the casino and left early. To find this magick man awaiting me. He had dreadlocks too. Matthew said “stay with us you will love this guy’s singing” (I had gotten my customary pie and ginger beer at the 7-11. So I did and loved it so much I stayed much longer than I anticipated.

Pauly admired my jewish tattoo. He thought it was the Tree of Life. I said “No, Burning Bush, Darling!” He had tattoos of cannibis leaves and the chemical symbols for thc and cbd.

He said he used to be a good Catholic lad but now he worships Odin the All Father. He mentioned that many modern day Vikings are White Supremists and he hated that!

I shared with him my story about my ex bf getting his scumbag mate to threaten me with a samurai sword and when I was not fazed by that (I could get the sword before he did as I was sober!) he then threatened me with one of their neo Nazi friends who rather mysteriously was madly in love with THIS jewish Heathen woman.

So my ex and his friend had egg on their faces as that particular guy would Never hurt me. Then we laughed at the horror and the absurdity of it.

Pauly asked “why did they do that?!” I replied “you know, I have no idea but they obviously wanted to get rid of me so threatening me with Neo Nazis was the perfect way to do it...cunts!” I said “But I have had some very weird and powerful friends in all sorts of walks of life and am heavily protected.”

He said there is a political group that believes in status, over money or assets. I smiled wanly. Said “I must still be high status then, in some quarters” and smiled. “Oh you are, you truly are!!” I told him the story about Gila telling me when I left my husband that I had now lost all my “high status” and how upset and furious that made me.

He said “I think you are very high status indeed!” I replied “Of course...I am a jewish Viking warrior goddess queen! Which sounds mad but there it is for all to see...my madness!”

He laughed. He asked me what I do?! I said “stay alive and party whenever I can!”

“How do you support that lifestyle?!” Pain seared over my face like I had been burnt. “Disability pension. Trauma issues”. He nodded. Seemed a bit disappointed.

But yes even in my poverty and marginalisation I am still a high status woman. Suck on that Gila of the flashing vagina on Today Tonight in 2008. Karma got you good for your disgraceful abuses towards me and mine!

I am a tad disappointed Pauly is not “available” as he was intelligent, articulate, talented, nice looking and a gentleman.

Matthew said “Damn I have lost you to a musician!” I grinned impishly and berated him about being too “in love” with me as I am so accustomed to aloof drama cruel sadistic unavailable men that anyone too keen on me utterly terrifies me. Pauly laughed uproariously. I gave him a wink.

Matthew had tried to kiss me so I was rather irritated by that. But we still danced together later on cos he is a nice man actually, just gets a little too carried away when I turn up at the end of my nights of dancing. Pauly watched me stoicly hold my own space until I felt more at ease.

When I finally tore myself away, aware that it was getting very late and Bobo needs to be let out to pee I thanked him for his entertainment and told him he is magical and awesome. He thanked me for being a good “street person” and for joining in with the fun! We had a brief hug. Awww!

He reminded me to stay safe on my way home. I replied “I am Safe! It starts with mindset!” And smiled and went on my way.

Then I went to see George for a short while and stayed for a few songs with him (Loyalty!) then hobbled home. Just wow!!!

I have had some lovely masculine interest lately. Nothing threatening or creepy except for Clarry’s Creepy offer.

Two different people told me Dave was at the casino early. Hmmm. Weird. But not my monkey not my circus.

The man who really wants to be my partner won’t play bullshit Avoidant games or ignore me or use and abuse me.

I am starting to meet the most loving kind honourable men. (At last!!!)

I wasn’t joking when, a few weeks ago, I told that nice Aboriginal man who offered me a romantic dinner which I politely declined, that he had brought me luck!!!

There is so much love in the world. Just pouring to me exponentially. But the right one will claim me without making me feel threatened or smothered. Hmmm. Will I recognise him when I meet him?!

It’s times like these that I am reminded of the Threepenny Opera by Bertholt Brecht and how my daughter played Polly Peachem “the Queen of the Beggars” and how my ex Courtenay stole a poster from the show for me and he cried with real Emotion as he understood the play as a commentary on “status” in the criminal World and underclasses.

He had always said he was head cockroach of his cockroach pile! I reminded him that being a chief of verminous people who would cheerfully knife you in the back or front is no fucking honour at all.

Perhaps that’s why only a year later I was expunged from his seedy inadequate acopic abusive world.

But The Tanya is uplevelling. No more rescuing heroin-addicted daughters of friends in the night. No more threats from wannabe henchmen. No transactional relationships based on car fixing and schtupping bi-weekly. Frankly I would rather masturbate for the rest of my life than be with another false abusive partner.

I love my life now.

…

Feeling much loved and nurtured after my night out. By Someone Holy who I can See is pushing me into the potential of a future with a loving life partner.

After meeting that magical delightful eccentric Viking Busker man I realise he was a Way-Shower sent from Odin Himself, the Wise All Father (and let’s face it People, I have a deeply painful and triggering complicated relationship with Fathers in general and the Patriarchy). Even the masculine attributes of Adonai often leave me feeling rather betrayed!

But yes....my Odin, my Adonai knows that Christmas is an unholy trigger for me amongst a constant flow of unholy triggers. So He (They!) reached out to me from the Void of the avoidant, the paranoid, the rejected abandoned misbegotten but never-to-be-forgotten Tanya, knowing how much I still miss that unfulfilled unrequited love affair with (Blech!)...Dave.

He sends me a messenger with flair, and intellect, and anarchy (loved the Pirate hat!) to remind me that I am still Desirable, (yes Désirée, je suis desolée but when you chose to incarnate in this female form, you bit off more than you could chew, my Love!)

But how marvellously I have incorporated and nurtured my inner child, my broken but eternally optimistic and loving little girl and also my inner man who fiercely protects me from any further heartache. Or tries to. The daddy I never had that lets me out to play in the world knowing that I have my own back and front and that I can hold my own in any company.

There were quite a few men that trawled up George St to listen to the new Busker and to flirt with me. One man came and stood close to me. Uncomfortably close but he was happy and I was happy and it’s the season of betrayal and loss and oppression that we dress up like paper fucking dollies and honour our various gods but this Jewish Viking woman only honours Victory over that oppression...because you know...it was why I was born...From Ancient bloodletting to ancient bloody sexual primacy!

Anyway he turns to me, lovingly and a bit drunkenly and says “So what’s your story?” Pauly keeps playing, watching me with some fascination. I had already shared my “story” with him. One of my worst trauma stories about my ex bf and his gronking useless foul Neo Nazi friends. (Rolls Eyes...)

Why? Queen of Sabotage, my Hearties and also the spirit moved me and also all my stories are trauma stories which I have had to rise above and look at in the open bright light without shame as really...really... what the fuck? But my heart and mind and spirit goes on and I thrive by staying true to my glorious truth and psycho-sexual ineptitude and brilliant attitude, n’est-ce pas?!

So I turn to the too-closely-standing-to-me man who was craving sex and intimacy and like an ice cold shower I said “My story? I do not often share my story with strange men in the night!” And smirked.

So he says “Oh” and slinks away into the night.

Pauly looks deep into my eyes. I stare deeply back into his, from across the 6 foot safety zone between us. He understands now. That he has evoked a rare privilege from me in eking out any of my stories.

Lmao! But we were both a little high and I was a little in love with my magical messenger.

No harm no foul. The Pirate and the Princess Of Misfortune (I openly admitted that I have not been lucky in Love) get to play and pray and perhaps Parlay another day.

By Odin! A strange matchmaker! But my jewish G-d, My Beloved One brought me only homicidal maniacs and decades of trauma. I wonder if Odin can bless me with Someone True and Loyal and Magickal and Beautiful this time?

Hmmm, I just had a flashback of Dave, shivering with excitement in my presence with naked lust and primordial fear of my Spirit and Womanliness.

Nay...I must walk this world Alone. Too many fear my Power and I am not ready to ever cede my hardwon gifts yet. Maybe that is why I envisioned Lilith recently. She wants me to use my feminine power to bring the right man to me with harm to none.

Temptress, divinely Wild Feminine...be gentle with your Little One. I am barely held together. I cannot sustain any more heartache, debasement or trauma. Perhaps She is testing my Heart? She knows it is still, after everything, a strong and unique and pure one.

She tells me “Tanya, you are Captain of your own Ship now, my Love. Sails fully set, billowing and straining against the wind, prow sporting a sensuous naked Siren facing into the new dawn or glorious sunset. The gods have your back.

Even I, Lilith, who finds you so prudish and mortified Know you are a fiercely passionate wild woman who needs a good man who won’t dare attempt to break you...or in the words of a certain mischievous Ojibwa Medecine Man...tame you!!! A little Push and you are free”.

These men, my Goddess, these MEN need to lift their game and make a firm Choice and let me know their true heart!

“Yes, my Sweet Little One. But it is not for you to doubt Me. Humans are such fickle but intricate Golems. They think they are exercising Free Will but we all know Real Juicy Authentic Love and Passion is Madder than Batshit and twice as Stupid”.

I hear you! Hear O Israel...the Lord is One. Or would be if we could just pull ourselves together in Unity.

(Laughter in the Sephirot!)

…

22 December 2018

Yesterday and last night was so powerful and beautiful. I have had just under 4 hours sleep after rocking out valiantly with a sore thigh (the nerve pain I experienced last January was back) and an angry scratch on my right foot, whilst teetering on 6 inch high sandals and when Krush played Zombie, I moshed wildly with my beautiful Terrie and completely forgot about my sore neck from moving furniture as well.

Who am I? Completely Wild. And I love it! I had such a fantastic time. The magic was really Happening in a far out way! Happiness is so empowering and of course, contagious!

I am honoured by and grateful to the gods!

22 December 2017

I just gave Beauregard a bath and managed to clip most of his nails. (He was distracted by the tap running and water falling over him and the sound of the washing machine). He did try to bite me when I clipped one of his claws, then realised it didn’t hurt so behaved (albeit a bit fractiously) after that.

It is such a relief to be able to clip his nails. I really did not want to have him sedated by a vet every time. Also it is hugely expensive and I feared he might die under the anaesthetic. I have had enough monstrous incompetent sadistic veterinarians kill my Beloved pets over the years. (Not counting the ones that genuinely needed euthanising due old age).

I was severely triggered when I took Bobo to be desexed. I was looking into his eyes begging him to come home safely to me. I ate my own liver all day until they called me to come collect him.

So this is progress. Clean dog, tidier nails. Mama T all glammed up yesterday as Kylie did my hair and spruced up my eyebrows.

We are doing well!

…

Bobo and Mama T hanging around, waiting for Crystal to come home in 12 days. Will she come see us? Will we reconcile? Will I be abandoned/rejected/abused? Nu? What else is new?

In the meantime I have a Big Big Big Love! Roiling inside me. Happiness. With or without my Beloved. True love always finds me, like an octopus on my face (although not as grabby, stinky and slimy).

…

…

22 December 2016

Humid as Fuck! Drinking tea, standing in my kitchen sweating out my Chi!

Julie Goddard: Im naked it's so fecking hot

Me: I had a cold shower, dressed, went out to buy chooks and cat food. Felt hazy in the head from heat and tooth pain. Now back home, chilling.

Julie Goddard: had a shower still naked 😛

22 December 2015

Yesterday I had a lovely afternoon and evening with Jarrod and Harvey. Jarrod bought falafels, salad ingredients and our favourite French cheese, omg, so we had a delicious dinner and then lay in our hammocks with the dogs. Harvey got sick but came good later, thankfully.

We listened to music on Spotify until 2 am then Jarrod and Harvey went home. I had lit the flares and candles so it was a lovely festive summer evening with the lights and the atmosphere.

Today I got up at 1. John asked me to come over to chat, yelling from his place. I took Bobo over. The crazy old coot was sitting on his stoop in his Singlet and jocks.

He played with Bobo and chatted merrily for a while then asked if I was gonna root him for Christmas?

I said “I better go home and sharpen my sticks”.

He said “I know you are a virgin again. I will catch you one day.”

I said “I will cut your throat then”. (Crazy Romanian “romantic” babble).

He is all talk. I am 97% sure of it. He kept asking me what I am doing for xmas. I said "what I do every year. Nothing! It's not my religion".

I was a very good Non-Christian even going over for a chat. I know how lonely-crazy-horny-inappropriate he gets.

He says “the twins are born”.

“What twins?”

“The lambs. You get to look after one”. I said he needs Lucerne to feed them as our grass will starve them as it is not the right grass. He says “OK I buy Lucerne”.

I am not sure how long he is going to keep up this delusion of us joint sharing sheep. I have a weird feeling he is serious. Expect to see a lamb gamboling with Bobo in my backyard in 8 weeks time. I can't say No to baby animals.

So mildly depressed from my good deed of the day, I went back home and back to bed and passed out. I woke up at 7. Gobbled down leftovers for dinner. Now contemplating my full Earth Mother belly and flicking a finger at G-d for constantly arranging my life to be crazy. Even when I am travelling quite well. Haha.

…

In my hammock. With my dog. Watching Continuum in Netflix. Beautiful night. Happy.

22 December 2014

Funny Face...I love you, but holy hell, Tanya, you really do look so much more like Gisela every day.... it's scary shit. Even your nose is growing. Oh well, Ze Apple does not fall far from the tree.

…

Let us live in a world of Peace, Love, Unity, goodwill, tolerance, compassion Not just in the silly season but All Year round. For all Time for the rest of our lives.

Enough hate and Bullshit! Move On, people!

22 December 2013

I had a lovely night with my favourite girls. Sarah Birt shouted us all a lovely dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant in China Town.

Crystal joined with us also. Then she went home while Sarah Birt and Sarah Breen and I hit the Valley. We started off at The Elephant Arms, then on to The Sabotage club which is always a cool place .

Then we decided to try out Cloudland then finished off the night at Kalibar. I am happy but footsore from dancing.

22 December 2012

I had a very happy beautiful day today with Annette, Lyn, little Aaliyah, Tracey, and Annette B. I love my girlfriends. You all Rock, Sisters!!!!

22 December 2011

Looking forward to a huge night tomorrow night! Then spending the day with Crystal on a road trip to Woodford and beyond! Woohoo!

22 December 2009

Boy was it Hot today! Then the lovely sub-tropical storm broke and cleared the air beautifully. Tayhlia and Gail were visiting and sat out the worst of the storm with me.

There was one thunder clap that sounded like the end of the world as we know it. Even my Bella was terrified. Little Tayhlia was shaken but snuggled up with me for comfort. So nice to be seen as the safe person by a small one again!

…

After the storm was over I went outside to do some weeding and dug a hole to plant a rose bush I'd been meaning to plant out for some time. It was nice to work in soft moist soil after that lovely rain. I struggled to do the work though, was very hard to breathe. I guess I am too unfit. I really did enjoy a bit of 'grounding' though.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons