Memories: 18 April 2025

18 April 2025

8:16 am Another day in Paradise! Yesterday I worked hard on my jewellery projects. Even though I had a fair bit of difficulty soldering I soldiered through, each minor success a triumph, each disappointing failure an epic meltdown which I had to then recalibrate from and forge ahead.

I felt very much guided and protected. Even when very late in the evening, my bezel just shredded. I just thought “fuck it! Make a thicker bezel”, so I sweat soldered two strips of the too-thin fine silver together. It worked.

Today I will solder that down onto the cuff and set the stone. Then polish it…and it will be done.

Silversmithing is a process of constructive awareness. It often involves thinking outside of the box, a fair bit of stubborn, almost blindsided stoicism and continuously working at your craft to gain confidence. And the fun part is even when it is an epic fail, I can melt the silver down and make it into another form. No wastage except Time. Always a good result at the end if I persevere.

Satisfying!

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I spent most of the day, engraving my Snake bracelet. So much work! I feel quite faint. I also tried soldering the bezel again, on my new cuff without success (several attempts!) I will make a new bezel tomorrow, switch my smith little torch head to a number 7 (usually used for soldering), crank up the pressure to 200 kpg and hopefully it will work tomorrow.

My hands hurt from the effort of engraving. At least Snake looks better now. I am utterly exhausted! I also made my YouTube video this morning.

Mohammed came to mow the grass late this arvo. The garden looks lovely again.

18 April 2024

I spent the day, sitting outside on the grass, going through all my trance drumming notes. Interesting psychobabble.

18 April 2023

Today I used my birthday money to buy little containers to use as moulds for my oomoo silicone rubber moulds. I bought paddle sticks to use for stirring the two parts of silicone. I bought plastic bead containers. (I really like these!) so practical for storing tiny beads.

I bought modelling clay (to use as a base to sit models inside the moulds.) Also rubber bands to hold the mould together while pouring in the resin. Happy Mama T from Titania’s Realm. Thank you Margaret x.

18 April 2021

Still thinking about the kind but unusual man who bought the crystal candelabra and gave me a message.

“You are Loved. It might not be in a way you can relate to...but you are indeed loved!” My hair stood on end.

This just two days after the Viking Volver told me to send my former lover back into the dark so he is no longer immersed/merged with my light body and so I can set myself free.

What does this mean?! Did the man mean God/Great spirit loves me in unusual often testing ways? Or did he mean my former lover?

Or did he pick up on all the cruel sadistic vexatious spirits (former biological family, step parent creatures and that dead ex lover)?

Why can’t I have a true love that relates to me in noble kind respectful yet passionate loyal faithful loving ways?

What good is a Love that is out in the ether somewhere, unattainable, untenable, fucking untethered by truth decency and loyalty : out schtupping other women then trawling them like verminous trophies in my plain sight.

Is that a love that is “relatable”, worthy...true? Um nooo.

But Love has blossomed in my heart and in my spirit. I am learning new skills and breathing freely of life’s magic and wonder and creativity back into my body/mind and soul.

Even on my solitary Walk/ Dance/wild Berserker frenzied Moshpit of a life!

A strange love that bore stranger ripenings, like a custard apple about to explode! Hah!

Bite me Bitches....I am ready for more juicy fruitful goodness in my once dessicated desecrated existence.

I rejoice in the solid authentic loyal love of my true friends, pets, garden and daughter.

The rest can go on their own journey, schtupping their way through life, forever feeding on women’s light and women’s souls like the empty Zombies they always were.

Don’t come back to me until you have learned to fill yourself up with your own Light/love and innate talents.

I am growing my own energy back to her former glory: it was brittled and blown apart by Shades who were hateful and envious and callow.

But look...here I am....doing this life even when it took a miracle (at least a dozen miracles) to cleave me to this life. Woven intricately into the patterns of Gaia and her abundant mysteries.

A humbling breath-taking feat. A fait accompli.

By now most of my enemies Know that they should never have fucked with The Tanya. I had mysterious Angels on my side. Guiding and protecting me and bringing me to this season, this moment, this breath and this immense LOVE. The love of the gods.

Little girls broken, beaten, debased… never give up on Love. We know it’s out there. Even when we cannot see it: feel it, embrace it physically.

It’s a holding pattern until the next dimension. Holding me precious.

It’s Hope and sacred trust and inspiration and how quickly the extra funds flew to me to float me along when I cried out to the gods:enough suffering, enough poverty, enough trauma and enough false superficial treacherous people.

To gift me the talents and skills so I can monetise my life in such a way that I have more than just barely scratching an existence. More than being a burden on my most gracious and beloved benefactors. Grateful that I am but I want to release the training wheels and learn to be financially independant. A fantasy I know.

But I know I have been heard and seen by the gods and now the new work begins...to manifest my highest ideals.

And if I never make it: embody a self sustaining existence, free of all abuse and surrounded by true life affirming love...KNOW THIS...I tried!

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Yesterday one of my dog friends went over the rainbow bridge. Darth was 17. I will miss his dear little face and personality when I go to drumming.

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18 April 2020

I am really exhausted today. I have had pain in my drain site/liver area and my left wrist is aching.

But yesterday was a powerful and beautiful day. A lovely healing from Michel and also the healing of the Ecstatic Dance with Monica and Adrian Mornay.

I feel very open and supercharged in my energy even though my body is doing its usual slump. Something is manifesting in my spirit. Not sure what yet.

I spoke with Lyn today who reminded me that even Creator dared not Tame me! I was built this way for a reason...beyond mortal ken (including my own fiery ken!)

So I need only go with the Flow and accept and receive the heartfelt healing and be patient.

I have experienced exponential growth since my father died in early March 2017. So I just have to stay on this bucking diving thriving thrusting jive turkey of a Mustang Kwe ride and hold onto my hat and guard my tochas. 😉!

I know I will eventually get to ride into the sunset like a forlorn tobacco chewing spitting cowboy(girl)! But it’s not the destination that counts, but the Journey. Riders in the Storm, through the Storm, hair wild and free, eyes fixated on the Dream. Upside down and back to front. Heyoka. Where have you been all my life, you Schmuck?!

Right here, Tanya! All along, right here. Phew!

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In a time of covid isolationism, the good citizens of the Jewel Box Community group here on Facebook, offered their wares.

A few weeks ago a woman offered to take photos of families or couples for $19. I felt excluded as I live alone. But I thought, oh well whatever. But the photos that were posted were quite lovely so I decided to speak out. I stated that it was a shame that single people were excluded and I would have liked to have had my photo taken too.

The woman photographer apologised and said she had not realised her advertisement came across as exclusionary. Offered to take my photo if I booked in next week. Fair enough...okay... I thought.

This evening some guy selling his wood fired pizza (he advertised on Wednesday). He posted he was making them this evening. So I looked up the original post and rang his number and left an order for a pizza (expecting he would ring me back to confirm what time to pick up?) No response. No response an hour and a half later. Okay. Odd.

So I posted in the group that it is unprofessional to advertise one’s business if they have no intention to actually respond to orders.

So interestingly several men (not the pizza making guy!) jumped to his defense to tell me he was busy and it’s not Domino’s (like uh duhhh. If I wanted Domino’s I would not be ordering from my local community ...would I?!)

So I stated that I had actually called at 4:36 Pm precisely and no response. So they were all posting photos of themselves eating the pizza so I told them to enjoy their pizza, you special special people.

To which they responded I could order later in person to which I replied that I would be saving my money for something more satiating and respectful.

My final comment before I removed myself from this group was that I do not subscribe to their elitist condescension and the Jewel Box Community Group:Priceless.

This is not the first time I have felt excluded and/or treated extremely rudely ie my neighbours across from me although legally parked, it is extremely hard to back out of my driveway as their litany of vehicles block my exit.

I also noted with wry consternation how my immediate neighbours competed the other day, with the lovely family who found Charlie, over their free library which I contributed a bunch of books too. They were notably uncomfortable that I had made “friends” in the ‘hood.

But you know I am so used to this isolationism and epic snobbery and actual deliberate orchestrated abuse ie car blocking and my former dead neighbour who used to threaten to rape me that most of this is like water off a ducks back.

I dislike living amongst such rude selfish and in fact, dangerous people but such is life. I have lived in far worse situations where myself and my children were regularly threatened.

So tonight I am sitting here quietly.

Covid is a gift. It has shone a light in all the darkest places of the neighbourhood. In fact in this entire city. I have enjoyed the attempts of some people in the ‘hood to be kind and friendly and decent.

While the rest chew on their rather “exclusive” pizza and snobbery and yes...unprofessional disgusting attitude.

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It’s raining. So gently and peacefully. Cleansing and nourishing Sacred Space. Beautiful. Grateful happy Woman here 🙂

Kelly Anne: same. How odd.

Bregje Tit: It is far too dry here in the Netherlands.... normally we have a lot of rain in the spring, but it has been dry for about a month now and it will be for another two weeks... I'm afraid of the trees.

@Bregje Tit it’s been very hot the past few days here. April is usually cooler by the time of my birthday. It was 33 degrees on Friday

Another thing: Jarrod, Crystal, Lyn and myself plus Nigel in NZ all complained of feeling drained and unusually fatigued the past few days .

Even my dog has been lethargic. He vomited for a few days last week. Seemed better then in past few days has been markedly depressed or withdrawn.

I worry the councils/govt are putting something in our water supply to make us “docile”. As we are all Empaths and highly sensitive so it could be we are affected by the global grief and shutdown but it seems odd that we are all quite exhausted.

I had a good day today though.

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11:11 pm I wish I had $20 million dollars and lived in Byron Bay surrounded by people who genuinely love and respect me.

Safe and happy and carefree and financially Independant and stable. With my true love partner by my side. My pets. My daughters and my true friends.

In a magnificent house overlooking the sea.

18 April 2019

I caught up with Crystal at Carindale today. She had just been to the dentist. We had lunch together. Then got a few groceries. I had only gotten up at 11 am so still felt tired and weak but it was good to spend time with my daughter. I drove her home and she went to get a skirt she had made for me. Awesome!

I was glad to get back home and went to lie down immediately. I just don’t have much energy. Tomorrow I will rest as much as possible. It’s a beautiful day.

18 April 2018

Today I achieved two goals. One was to finally buy the correct batteries for my Peppermill (now just need to buy peppercorns!) and two) was to make more homemade washing powder.

Apart from getting up early to mouth breathe about the place until housing inspection rang me at 8:30 am to cancel, I have not achieved very bloody much. I bought bones for my Beau who is one happy chewy dog though.

Tomorrow Crystal is coming over to take some more stuff. Phew! Getting there slowly.

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Not well today. Home from the shops and feel weak and sweaty. Grrr. It’s so annoying. Only a good day here and there then Bam! Another illness.

Oh well, just have to keep riding the waves.

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Still battling exhaustion today but relatively content.

Housing cancelled the inspection so they will come next week instead.

Murky rainy day but good for the garden. We had some glorious weather the past few days. Everything in perfect harmony!

18 April 2017

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I sat in a History class for my school certificate Year at Wellington Girls College in 1980, up the back with 2 Maori girls and one Pacific Islander girl. They were largely ignored by the racist cunt of a teacher Miss Evans.

I was bright so I actually doubled up by explaining lessons to them as they often felt overwhelmed and she did not explain stuff adequately to them. She grew increasingly hostile when she realised I was trying to assist these girls.

When I attended my History examination for School Certificate (already a nervous wreck) she was waiting outside. She sneered at me. "I predict you will Fail Tanya!". I was aghast and mortified. I went in and completed the exam.

Six weeks later when the results finally came in the mail I went up to her (having graduated to 6th form for my University Entrance year).

"I did not fail, Miss Evans, you were completely wrong there".

“What did you get?"

"60 per cent".

"Pathetic! You barely scraped through. You could have done so much better".

I looked at her long and hard. Swallowed down my trepidation. Walked away, thinking, I already am doing so much better! I am not an arsehole of a human being like you.

Never forgot that bitter twisted spiteful woman. Those poor girls had no hope with a teacher like that. Not while in the school System anyway. I hope they made it in life. Did great things. Became great people and fuck that nasty bitch of a teacher. (And many others like her).

The reason I helped those girls had nothing to do with race or colour, but was because I too felt overwhelmed and alienated in that bloody ridiculous school. (I too had been bullied beyond belief at home, by way bigger bastards than even Miss Evans could dream to become and by every school I had ever attended and later at University and at work). I am Blessed like that.

But I know this racial bias is real. Seen it many times. Othering of humans is an ugly business.

18 April 2014

This Single Lady had an awesome night! Let's just say those boots were made for Dancing Ahem.

Going to sleep now and picking up Ramon as he has a gig tomorrow at Bunnings appearing as the Easter Bunny! :-)

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Home with my grandson Ramon. Happy Grandma here. I have brought him some pellets and a carrot and Lucerne so he is pretty happy too. Tomorrow will be stressful for him with kids poking their fingers through his display cage at him. Oyyyy!

18 April 2012

Still exhausted but had some lovely Calming Healing energy from my Midewiin friend in Indiana. So I am sure this will help me greatly. One week to go until Court so I am living quietly and waiting patiently.

18 April 2011

I'm home from the wonderful Seder at Mavis and Mervyn's and enjoyed the company of all sundry immensely. Little Tahylia was so shy but stated that she'd like another one tomorrow night! So sweet!

She kept looking at the front door and asking me when Eliyahu would come in! So when we left I said he'd blown outside with us, so he can come back next year and blew my breath out! She thought that was funny!

18 April 2010

Dreadfully tired beyond belief and had terrible stomach pains tonight. My happy news is that Bella did her whirling dervish at the door so I thought she needed to pee, but the baby possum was outside.

The possum made it safely up the tree so I gave her half an apple which she literally grabbed out of my hand with her little paws, then ran further up the tree. Crystal has named the young possum "Tinker Tink" as that is the sound she makes on our tin roof.

I'm a bit worried as the possum mother has stopped coming for food and now it's only Tinker Tink who still visits. Hopefully the mum has decided that she no longer needs to teach Tinks how to beg for food LOL

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons