Live, Laugh, Leave: How to Get Fired From Your Toxic Job

Raise your hand if you dislike your job.

Now grab a bag of Mahamta and wave it in the air like you just don't care if you'd rather manually count every single grain of rice in that bag than deal with your coworkers or boss another day.

A 2022 Zippia study found that 50% of all U.S. workers are dissatisfied with their jobs, commonly due to low wages or feeling underappreciated. More shockingly,  several studies say most U.S. employees believe their workplace is toxic — and only a quarter trust HR to step up and change anything. So yeah, it's not just you.

Consider yourself fortunate if you've never worked around toxic people or environments. Toxic workplaces thrive on gossip, discrimination, unrealistic workloads and expectations, and poor or no leadership. In other words, it feels more like high school drama than a professional space where individuals are paid to perform tasks.

Leaving a job isn't easy, even when it sucks the soul out of your body. But, it should be on your to-do list. A UPI study found that 52% of workers say toxic jobs affect their mental health. And the U.S. Surgeon General says toxic workplaces have been linked to conditions like heart disease and cancer.

Any job can become toxic, although statistics say healthcare, food service, and construction are the worst.

You know when a workplace isn't right for you. Not every job fits every person — and that's okay. Find a space that supports your sanity and goals; protect your inner peace at all costs. Period.

You could give a two-week notice as a professional should, or let the devil out and use one of the following strategies to get fired. Because, why not? Going out with a bang is so much more fun.

Fun Times (I Ain't Working Here No More)

Every workplace needs entertainment and excitement, but if it's not given, don't despair: create fun. The possibilities are endless.

I think most of us can relate to Johnny Paycheck when he said, "Lord, I can't wait to see their faces, When I get the nerve to say, Take this job and shove it, I ain't working here no more" in his song "Take This Job And Shove It".

What better way to send a clear message to your boss than by blasting this song via Bluetooth in the office, perhaps during an important meeting? Defend your decision to play music by mentioning the stats showing it boosts morale and productivity, boosts mood, and reduces stress.

It's super exciting to see the look on the faces of everyone in the office!

But, wait… there's more.

Not a fan of that idea? 

Need more entertaining ideas?

Tie a ribbon to every rolling chair in the office. When one person moves, everyone spins and rolls. If you're lucky, they won't catch on to what's happening until they're dizzy. 

Start a Protest Against The Company While You're on The Clock

Start a one-person protest by wearing signs on your front and back to work. On the front, write, “Kiss My Ass, This Place is Trash," and on the back sign, "No More Work For This Jerk.” Walk around the office, chanting the slogans until you're hauled off to the HR office.

DIY T-Shirts

Creating t-shirts is so much fun, especially when they send a spicy message. Create a few tees using the following slogans for yourself:

• I Hate My Job
• Bitch, This Job Kills My Vibe
• I Do The Work of Three People For The Pay of Half a Person
• I'd Rather Count Rice Than Work Here

And, of course, a couple for the coworkers who grind your already rusty gears:

• I Am Lazy & Get Paid to Sit on my Ass
• Stop Hating: I Kissed Ass to Get My Position
• I Earned This Brown Nose Fair & Aquare

Act Your Wage 

Employers HATE employees who act their wage and aren't willing to go above and beyond to save them cash. Be that person. If it's not in the job description and pay rate, point it out and remind the boss of your job title and how you aren't paid enough to deal with that b.s. This tactic may only result in a write-up, so prepare to go a few rounds playing the not my job game, just in case. Continue to act your wage and you'll be outta there faster than a Babe Ruth homerun leaving the ballpark.

Start a Company Newsletter

In high school, journalism students ran a student newspaper filled with all the gossip. If your coworkers want to act childish, make them feel at home with a company newsletter highlighting all the office gossip. Include all the rumors and snitch on the backstabbers, and tell Brenda who's been stealing her bottled Coca-Cola. Let it all out. You'll feel better; the office will not, and HR's gonna be pssied!

Opposite Day

If you're not a SpongeBob SquarePants fan, now's the time to become one. One of the funniest episodes of this cartoon was titled "Opposite Day," when the spongyboi did the exact opposite of what everyone around him said because obviously, that's what they wanted him to do on…Opposite Day.

Boss says you need to stay an extra hour? Sure, it's opposite day: go home an hour early. They want you to keep it professional? Take it all the way to the trailer park.

Most of us will never do any of this stuff (and probably shouldn't).

But if the idea makes you smile so hard?

That's your sign, love.

Leave while you're still sane.