If I Can Turn Back Time

When we first met, I fell in love instantly. Every song I've listened to reminded me of you. Before I went to sleep in my Queen bed, I would listen to "Always Be My Baby" by Mariah Carey, then I'd send it to you. I knew that you loved me too. I felt it in my soul. The feeling was so intense that I couldn't fight it. We would always send each other messages with hearts, roses and that made me weak. I thought I met my first love, my soul mate, my ride or die.

The way that you would say my name sounded smooth like butter. It melted my heart. Your voice was pleasant to listen to and attractive. It reminded me of a baritone instrument. I would get jealous because other women would batter their eyes and grin because of your appealing voice. However, you paid them no mind. You only had eyes for your lady (me) with who you would marry and have a beautiful family.

Sometimes I get lonely because you were always busy with your music, and I'll ask how your day went. You will send me a one-word reply or don't reply at all. But I understood your life. Another day will go by; I still haven't heard a word from you. I sent you back-to-back messages but still nothing. My heart sank a little. I've tried not to think about anything negative because that would only make my day stressful. The next day, I went outside for a stroll. It was the first day of summer; children were playing and laughing. Suddenly, my phone vibrated. there was a message "Hello, my love." It was from you.

I was excited but upset at the same time. I replied, "Hello. Are you back in town?" He said, "Yes, I can't wait to see you. Let's go out to dinner at our favorite Italian restaurant Saturday night."

Okay! I answered, "We can do that. I've missed you".

It was now Saturday. I planned my outfit and jewelry. In my closet, I had taken out the sparkly black dress that I had not worn since you brought it for me as a gift on my birthday. I put on my pearls and walked outside my apartment to wait for my lover. Minutes went by, no showup. My instincts had told me to go back inside, but silly me wanted this night to be perfect. Finally, there you were. You were driving a shiny Lexus like you meant business. He parked his vehicle near the apartment. I walked towards it with a smile, opened the car door, went inside, and kissed you on the cheek. You looked at me and smiled when you returned a kiss right on the lips. It felt like I was with my prom date. The feeling to me felt like teenage romance all over again.

You placed your hand on my thigh and said, "Let's go inside

instead." I blushed and said, "Sure." As we went into my apartment, you lifted me and threw me on the bed. I giggled then we kissed passionately.

"I love you," you whispered. "I will never leave you." That night felt like a romance novel, a book with five thumbs up and a best-selling award.

The sun rose, I woke up to the birds singing and felt the summer breeze through my window. I was on my stomach, stretched my right arm out, and passed my hand on the sheets where you slept. I turned my head to see if you were still beside me, but I thought wrong. I jumped out of bed. Your clothes and shoes were missing. I was like a lonely puppy searching for its owner until I found a note on my nightstand.

"Sorry, I couldn't stay long. I must get ready for my flight. I’m attending a gig tonight at a club in Manhattan. I hope you are not upset, but life's been too busy. I love you, babe. See you soon."

Tears started to trickle; I couldn't believe it. It was only one night. Why didn't you wake me? I sent a message saying, "Hey, I hope you're safe. Love you."

The other night, I invited my best friends over, ordered take-out, and watched movies.

When my friends and I were having a little girl chat, my friend Julia from High school looked at her phone, and her jaw dropped. She power walked towards me and showed me pictures of you cozying up with a female. I've never been so shocked in my life. Is this why it took you days to text back? And why did you spend the night at my place to have a one-night stand? I shattered into pieces. "How could he do this," I said in my trembling voice. "He said he will never leave me." I went through your pictures on Instagram. You and she looked happy together. She was a beautiful woman, looked like a model, and had everything going for herself. Wasn't I good enough? Some piece of trash? I walked up to Julia and laid my forehead on her shoulders to cry. My three other friends went in for a group hug until they were all sorrowful.

"He's a piece of shit!" Julia said. "I'll kick his ass for you." I laughed. "That's okay, Julia. I'll handle it." I wanted to call you, but I was pretty sure you wouldn't pick up because you already knew that you screwed up everything. So, I sent you a long-winded email on Hotmail.

"Hi, handsome. I hope life is treating you well. You've been on my mind 24/7. The memories of you are still lingering after six months of our romantic relationship. Also, I'm still holding on to our polaroid pictures taken in sunny Santa Barbara, California, our dinner dates, cuddling on the beach sand, and making love in our luxurious hotel. I know you're probably wondering, why am I saying these things? Well, I want to tell you how much pain you put me through and how my fantasies were all a lie. Why didn't I see the red flags earlier? It was like you covered my face with a cloth and me, walking around like a silly, naive, lost little girl.

But now you have found someone else with who you can play the same game and let her believe your sweet nothings. She doesn't know what's coming or SEE your true self hiding in that mask. By the way, It's just the beginning. I'm not mad at her at all. I want her to be happy and enjoy you two's special moments together. You could have told me that you didn't want this anymore. But instead, you chose to keep me on a backburner whenever you have the time to play.

Guess what? Game over! Snooze, you lose. I never realized that one day you would break my heart. Thank you. Thank you for letting me learn my lesson when I meet someone new. Also, thank you for showing me how to love. Now, every memory that I had with you is no more. It will hurt me so much that I will be blocking you on everything and burning all our pictures together.

If I can turn back time, life would be different without you. I wish you all the best.

Goodbye."