I Resign from Paying "Bill"

To Whom It May Concern,

I don't know who this "Bill" guy is, but I resign from giving him my money for utilities and housing.

Every month, to use the internet, to use electricity, to use my indoor plumbing, I'm supposed to pay a "Bill". That's what my society taught me.

Here's the problem: I don't even know who Bill is! Shouldn't I be paying the utility companies for the services they provide? Why am I allegedly paying a Bill? Is Bill the owner of every utility company? If so, that information has been hidden from the public.

I've asked the other people around me why we would pay Bill for our infrastructure, and they all act like it's a crazy question!

Is this a normal thing for English and American people? To pay Bill for all of our services? What, did he buy all the utility spaces on England and America's Monopoly boards? Are our leaders playing a giant game of Monopoly with us as the pieces?

Think, people and brain cells, think! There's a word in English for a written request to pay for a service. The word is "invoice". In Spanish, the word is "factura".

So why do we talk about paying Bill? Words have power, and it seems like there's a cabal of people with the name "Bill" who expect to receive our hard-earned money for services provided by utility companies.

I enjoy the movie Groundhog Day, but I don't think Bill Murray should get the money that I send to my electric company.

I enjoyed learning about the states of matter with Bill Nye, but I don't want him to receive the money that I remit to my water company.

Football's a cool game, but I think Bill Belichick should be paid based on performance, not based on the internet I use to stream the games.

Computers are cool, but I expect Bill Gates to earn his money from selling Windows PCs, and not from the electricity used to power them.

And as for Bill Clinton, I think the extracurricular fellatio in the Oval Office is plenty of perk. He doesn't need to receive the money that I send for my tax "Bill".

Now you might ask yourself, why is this author so hung up on this one little idiosyncrasy of English?

I would argue that it isn't a harmless little quirk, but a massive corruption that creates an ugly spiritual debt.

If you doubt the power of words, I propose that you try an experiment with me. Every day, say out loud five times, "I'm always tired and unmotivated." A week later, note your energy levels. I can almost guarantee you that your energy levels and motivation shall drop.

Words carry immeasurable power. The Gospel of John states in its first chapter that "The Word was God". The things we say tend to become reality, far more often than we like to admit. I think we should all take a break from paying "Bills" and pay invoices to the companies and people that work to provide these services. Every time we talk about paying a "Bill," we might be inadvertently making billionaire Bill Gates richer.

As an English speaker who isn't fluent in any other verbal languages, I would like English to be truthful and have integrity, not be a beacon of fraud and graft.

As an American, living in a country where most people speak English, I would like the people in my country to be able to communicate the idea of paying for services without being tricked into committing their money to some stranger named "Bill".

Therefore, to reiterate, I resign from paying Bill against my will.

This letter does not preclude my choosing to pay someone named Bill at some point in the future. However, when I pay a person named Bill, it shall be because I willingly chose to, and not because they changed the colloquialism for "invoice" to his name.

Instead, I shall pay the charges and invoices that I receive for services, to the recipients who actually deserve the money. Perhaps I deserve the money myself, for the trauma of having to deal with this vague language.

Lies and fraud are like diseases. They infect healthy flesh and slowly destroy the body. This applies to individuals, families, communities, and nations.

Consider the man that lies to himself inside his head. Shall he be a healthy man for long?

Likewise, a family that lies to each other shall not be a healthy family.

Likewise, a nation that lies to itself shall not be a healthy family.

I resign from paying Bill against my will or without my knowledge.

I consider the matter settled.

If any particular Bill or William believes that I owe them money, they can contact me at [email protected] to request the necessary payments.

Or if they have a fetish for snail mail, they can write me at 1485 Cordova Ave in Lakewood, Ohio.

I shall give my Bills what I willingly want to share with them, and not a bleeding cent more.

Sincerely,

A.S. Lawrence