How To Give A Feedback With Compassionate Directness

Giving a compliment to someone is painless and trouble-free. But offering feedback is bothersome. Think about the last feedback you gave or received. It sounds like a life of toil when it comes to giving feedback.

Either you might cut out the conversation straight, or you might have sweat hard to come to the point. Both doesn't solve the purpose of giving constructive feedback. In the former, you spoiled your rapport by sounding rude while in the latter, you didn't make the point right and left the person in hanging by wasting both your time and theirs.

While giving feedback, we must practice the art of compassionate directness.

Compassionate directness might feel like an oxymoron, but one can be direct as well as humane. But is it possible? Yes, it is possible. I learned it through organizing and constant practice.

Feedback isn't a personal attack

Make yourself clear that feedback isn't to attack a person personally. It is to indicate that the other is doing something some mistake. You are going to save them from a future catastrophe. So don't hesitate to give criticism.

Think, Plan and Act

Just like giving a presentation, addressing an important business meeting, giving feedback requires planning.

Without a game plan, things collapse. Always look before you leap.

Prepare the notes and rehearse a little. It won't hurt because if you value your employee or the person in your family or friend whom you are going to deliver negative feedback, it is not good to snap it on the face or be cheesy. It requires patience to prepare your mind. Think of how to say it and plan when and where to discuss it. When you are ready, take the initiative.

Don't beat around the bush- Keep it simple

Don't discuss too much away from the topic to make your peer comfortable before giving feedback. You might get carried away and feel difficult to get to the point. Keep it short. Be direct and don't be rude at the same time. Being rude will hurt their feelings.

Show some compassion. Think of them in your shoes.

Never mix criticism and compliment

Eating the green with your ice cream is a terrible combination. When you eat a dessert, don't mix the greens. Giving feedback between compliments is misleading and might confuse the other. It won't create an impact; instead, it will make them feel uncomfortable.

It is either compliment or criticism; you can't serve both on the same plate.

Suggest the solution

Pointing the finger and blaming the other for something that they fall in short is not constructive criticism. It's is destructive. It won't address the issue of the other person and won't help them to change.

We should not only tell them what to change but also give ideas about how to improve.

Don't make it a public show

You aim to help when you are giving criticism, not to gather a crowd around you.

Don't embarrass people in the name of feedback for seeking attention.

You never know how the other person might feel. Some people are tough, and they take it as a challenge to change themselves, but some are weak to handle it. So better make the conversation in private, and if possible, face to face.

Ask for feedback

Give the other person a chance to respond. It is a two-way street. You are not doing stand-up to talk alone. Get their feedback. Ask if they have questions. Tell them to reach you if they need help while fixing themselves.

Being empathetic and talking to the point creates a good rapport both in professional and personal front.