How Being Stuck Inside Reignited my Imagination

I lost my imagination.

I don't know when it happened, or how, but I did lose it. In the routine of adult life, I offloaded my own imagination to others. I would watch television shows and movies to get that high of fantasy or science fiction, but I was no longer making up these stories myself.

The weight of my reality wiped my brain of anything that was not work-related or anxiety-driven. My mind was full of thought, but none of it delighted me anymore. None of it was interesting, or introspective. I became that boring adult who worries about taxes and if I worded the email I sent yesterday correctly.

When I was younger, I was full of excitement and creativity. I created vast worlds in my mind. Characters who felt more real to me than some of my friends. I wrote constantly, mostly on Invisionfree forums, creating detailed fan fiction with other people who had the same if not more creative drive than I did. I used my writing to work through problems, and devoured books for inspiration.

Back in those days I really did not care what people thought about me. I once played a possessed girl in a school play, screaming in tongues so the entire school could hear me when we practiced. My heart was on my sleeve. I had no fear.

What happened?

The thought of that girl made me cringe, but why should I be embarrassed of her? She was fearless. She did what she wanted to. She was brave and open and honest. She allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of everyone.

I cringed because that girl had yet to be hurt by the world around her. That vulnerability was only possible because she had not been scarred significantly by anyone in her life up to that point. If anyone made fun of her, she didn’t know or care. She lived in her own bubble of imagination, which would eventually burst.

Now, I have lived a privileged life. I have had great jobs that I cared about but somewhere along the way; I lost that spark of creativity. Despite working in a “creative industry” I did not have a “creative job”. I would project manage, send emails, and bug the guys doing the “creative work” to make sure they hit their deadlines. I have worked in this industry long enough to know you can make anything creative if you just put your mind to it. (Which basically just means, add a smiley face onto your email to the client, maybe… if they seem like a client who would be cool with that.)

Years passed, and I grew increasingly more disconnected with that fearless girl. I couldn’t write anymore or read for that matter. All I felt I could do was mindlessly consume whatever was on Netflix and then critique what I was watching. I could not for the life of me create anything out of my own brain, and it wasn’t for lack of trying.

Enter Dungeons and Dragons.

I started playing Dungeons and Dragons back in college. We would get together and honestly, it was mostly just a place where we’d drink and kind of, sort of, understand the rules. Thinking back on it now, our DM must’ve absolutely hated all of us. I loved creating a character and trying to get to know their voice. Back then, I thought you had to have your character conform to deep DnD lore, so I just kind of, surface-level played and drank some beer.

Our party faded out over the years. Everyone either moved or just got too busy. We tried to keep it going long as we could but like a lot of relationships forged in college we just grew apart.

Fast forward to dun, dun dun, PANDEMIC TIMES.

During the COVID 19 lockdown, everyone suddenly had too much time on their hands and in their own heads. Commuting, running around doing errands, and going out to the bar ceased to exist, seemingly overnight. Everyone started looking for new and exciting more indoor-like activities.

It was Dungeons and Dragons time again BAYBEEEEEE.

At first, I didn’t believe it was going to happen and if it did it wasn’t going to be consistent. All my friends are in their late twenties or early thirties. Some of them have children. There are like, real, big-time adult responsibilities that we have to focus on and yet we still managed to put together a brand new and shiny adventuring party.

We have now been playing consistently for the last six months. Even when our DM had to take some time off for work, other members of the party stepped forward to take over DMing duties. We simply played one-shots during those weeks. DnD is our escape. The thing we look forward to every week. We get to be elven barbarians and dwarven wizards. Our imaginations can run wild, and we can be kids again. The idea that we can make literally anything up, and there are no real-world consequences is comforting and freeing.

In this COVID-19 world, everything feels uncertain. Just last year we all felt like we had some idea of where our lives were going and when that came crumbling down it was frightening. I realized that if I didn’t figure out a way to get my imagination back, if I didn’t find that vulnerable fearless girl I used to be, I’d be confined to the 4 walls of my apartment bored to death with nothing but Tiger King to keep me company.

Imagination is important. Take it from someone who felt like they lost theirs. It’s not something that disappears over time, it just gets tucked away under the piles of bills, and work emails. Make some time to play if you can. You will thank yourself for it.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s Tuesday and I have an adventure to go on.