Finished Forever

Spring 2025

To the Undaunting Grief I Endure,

I am writing to express my utmost disdain in the power you hold over me. Although it has not been for all that long, it feels like eternity. I cannot continue on in this endeavor of yours any longer, for fear I may break. You tore away a piece of me and left this unforgiving pain in your wake. You disappear, briefly, from time to time. Only to bring on the horrible guilt that lays in wait, and make it mine. I try to cover up what’s inside, but the pain you bestow on me, I cannot hide.

Through hell and fire, I would walk to see him for one more day. To my father, there are so many things I have left to say. This pain inside is now mine to bear. How heavy the load is neither here nor there. My father taught me love, forgiveness, and to be happy and enjoy life. Without him, you leave me with hate, resent, sorrow, and the repeated stabbing of your knife.

In the process of losing my father, I never thought it would be you that makes me this irate. The suffering all day, everyday, makes it hard to concentrate. My life may look and sound the same. But it never will be, and you are to blame. I have so much anger inside for the detriment you make me feel. I don't think this scar on my heart will ever be able to heal. This is the heaviest I have ever felt, unable to breathe, move, or climb. As I can only try to hope that there may be an escape, with time. Grieving this loss has changed my perspective on life and its purpose. For all of these reasons and so many more, I am finished with your service.

This contract that I never asked for or personally signed, will burn in the fire as I resign. I can’t keep up with all of this pain. It's causing me to feel like I could possibly be insane. When he passed away, I knew my heart would break. But the torture you put me through each day, I can no longer take. Most days I handle it pretty well. But then the nights turn into hell. With the longing, heartache, and wishes to hear his voice, I am afraid you have left me no other choice.

Grief, you may be the worst pain to touch a living soul. You make your captive live from the depths of the darkest hole. In a cloud of the thickest dark, you leave behind a brand of your wicked trademark. Once I am rid of you I will be able to say his name, smile at good memories, and not feel so much pain. I need to be able to breathe again, without feeling like an elephant sits on my chest. Once you are gone, I will only feel blessed.

I do not wish to be acquainted with you ever again. I will say my prayers and make sure to end each one with Amen. Just to ensure the next time our path may cross, I will save myself from this big of a loss. I can’t find words to try to warn others of the game you play. I can only hope their sanity is not the price they have to pay. Losing a parent will never be something easy to endure, but ridding myself of you, Grief, can be the only cure.

Do not look for me anymore, I have already walked out the door. I am finished with all of your ways, I hope my sincerity strongly conveys. This visitation has come to an end, my heart needs to work on its own mend. Find a different job if you must, I am leaving you in the dust. I plan to never lose another round to you, even if I know that will never be true. So I have taken the time to have my say, you are no longer allowed to stay. Pack your things and be on the go, this will no longer be the grief and sorrow show. I have little strength left to take this stand, so I beg of you, let go of my hand.

I resign from you, GRIEF, for drowning me in the depths of a heavy darkness that I could not have fathomed could exist. I release you from your position, this will be my last shift. Spinning in your darkness, around and around I've twirled. You not only brought me to my knees, you destroyed my entire world. My memories of my father I will forever keep close to my heart, but this burden of grief I carry, I must now depart.

Finished with you forever,

This devastated daughter