Eric's Journal Entry

I have picked up my journal multiple times over the last few days, but with no success in beginning how to even start an entry right now. I am devastated, and it will show the absolute most in my writing. It's also been really hard for me to put into words how I feel about this horrible loss.

Losing Eric was just not something I expected anytime soon, as I'm sure no one did.

This world is unforgiving, and so quick that it's almost damn near invisible. Five seconds could make a difference. Shoot, two seconds can, and I truly believe that now. I've been hurting for my friends and my pub family. This is a horrible blow to everyone who loves Eric. My boss and his brother are some of his best friends, and I just want to hug them tight and hold them close every time I see them. I also can't stop myself from checking on them, and others now, every day. I can't bear something happening to someone else right now. Life is so precious, so it painfully reminds us sometimes, that it is also fragile.

I have finally started the collage today that will stay in the pub. I still can't even believe we have to plan a celebration of life for our Eric. My heart is broken, and I know I can say, that there won't be a day that passes that I don't think about Eric Love, and the many memories I have with him over the years.

My first job as a bartender back in 2020 until the middle of 2021, Eric would come visit me and brief me on what my mom was up to over at the pub. Fast forward to when I worked at Pintos, and I'd close up there and go visit at the pub before they would close, and Eric was always there to entertain. Years before I ever worked in the bars, I would visit and he was always the entertaining asshole that liked to have a good time. And he always loved my mama.

I'll miss him pointing in my face at the end of the night while we get ready to do our money together singing, "Your so Vain" by Carly Simon. I'll miss watching him gimp in the door and sling his hand a quick "hello" at me when I say, "Hey Ewic!". I'll miss him never NOT having something to say, and if you know, you just know. I'll miss him picking on me while I cut a pizza. I'll miss him taking my bottle opener right from my pocket, and telling me, "Your boobs hanging out." I'll miss running to him when something's going wrong in the bar. I'll miss him re-making his own words to songs. I'll miss the Irish Car Bombs we did together on both our birthdays, and other seldom occasions. I'll miss him swatting my camera away from me. I will miss a lot of things about Eric. I could go on and on. I remember when me and my mom picked him up from the bus station when he got back from Texas. It was an extravagant trip to say the least, and whenever he was in Texas we always missed him, but we knew we would see him again.

It took me longer than I'm proud to admit to realize that I had lost someone so close to me. I just saw him, and had just about every day for years, and now I never will again. Not in this life. Sometimes I still can't believe it. I think I can honestly say that my mind hasn't been this boggled in grief since my dad died almost seventeen years ago, and I've lost many people since then. I guess I also hadn't realized how close I had become with Eric over the years. He could be rough around the edges, but he was fun. He was a safe spot, and if he cared about you, you definitely knew it.

My heart is certainly broken, and work is still hard, but the days are easing a bit.

I've found that I grieve differently than I use to, and I will miss Eric Love forever.