Epic Youth

It was 2020. My cousin Jeff was being prepped for a hip replacement in the middle of a lockdown. We were both 40, trying to pinpoint when he could have injured his now dead hip bone. In doing so, we recalled many a night, but one in particular that stands out to both of us.

Since it was lockdown, I thought it would be a fun challenge for my friends to submit their memory of a night from the glory days. So here is how that memory is shared 20(ish) years later.

The Game

(Jeff)

I'm sure it was April 20, 2002, because it was game 2 of the first round of the playoffs, Leafs vs. Islanders. The Leafs won 2-0. I know because I looked it up on the playoff calendar for that year and verified the date.

I remember getting to Derek's condo on Queens Quay early afternoon that day. Jen and crew were already there from the night before. We had some drinks for a few hours, and then Jen and I decided to head home to our place on Bathurst so we could catch the Leafs game, then get ready for Janet's party. I think some people were coming over later that night—definitely Brad and some others.

Jen and I walked through Union station headed to the subway when a scalper approached us, offering us two box seat tickets for $40 each. The game was already 10 mins into the first period, which is why the tickets were so cheap.

I had $80 on me, so we took the tickets. I remember being nervous, thinking they might be fake, but we got in and were soon in our box seats with lots of beers and a free buffet.

I recall asking another guy how much he paid for his tickets in the box. He said $300. He didn't appreciate me boasting about my $40 ticket.

The Leafs won! 2-0. It was awesome. My first and only Leafs playoff game. Jenn and I were hammered. The night could have ended there, and I would have been really happy.

(Jenn)

I think it was 2002, and I'm pretty sure it was April 20 (I remember because 4/20). Jeff and I woke up at Derek's parent's condo on Queens Quay in Toronto. We had to walk through the ACC to get to the subway to go home. As we walk through the terminal, some guy asks us if we want Leafs tickets. It's game two of a NY series in round one of the playoffs. He wants $80 total for two tickets. No brainer. Of course, we want your tickets. Not to mention, these are box seats. WTF. We are hungover and super pumped.

We eat free wings and nachos in the box, and we drink. Seriously, not a lot of people get this experience. I remember we felt pretty pumped to be there. I'm not a huge Leafs fan, but Jeff (my cousin) has been a fan our entire lives. Could this be the most happiness the Leafs have ever brought him in 40 years? Maybe.

(Cory)

I remember being and Derek's, and I was pissed that Jen got super cheap leaf tickets.

The Pre-party

(Jenn)

After the game, we head to our apartment on Roselawn Avenue. Cory, Jeff, and I live there. We arrive, wasted, and realize our friends have done mushrooms. We have some catching up to do, but we love a challenge.

(Jeff)

This is where things get a bit fuzzy for me.

I remember Jen and me heading home after the game. I think there was already people hanging out at our place before we got home. Probably Brad, Cory, Kofi. I don't remember exactly who.

(Brad)

Derek, Cory, and I ate early afternoon mushrooms in the Roselawn apartment and had a few beers along the way. I spent most of the afternoon sitting on the windowsill because the view was great (why? I don't know. it was cloudy and pretty normal out, I think). Jen and Jeff got home from somewhere to find us blitzed; we drank more.

(Jeff)

We did shrooms at some point. I think Brad body checked Cory into the chair, and they smashed into the wall and put a big hole in it. Mugs fell off the coffee table and broke, which we didn't clean up because we were leaving, or we're degenerates.

(Jenn)

I remember all of us piling onto a bus to go to Janet's party downtown. Brad wore a white hoodie, and as it would happen, it got quite dirtied. We all sat in the back, and a few randoms sat near the front. As we all sat there giggling to ourselves, the bus driver put on the brakes for a light. With a twinkle in his eye, Brad allowed his body to fly with the inertia of the slowing bus. He slid on his back up the aisle. I remember cry-laughing, and the randoms laughed with us. The bus driver looked at Brad with a look on his face that said, 'you jack-ass,' he asked, "Are you ok?" Brad was great. We exited the bus, with a skid mark the width of the bus aisle down the back of Brad's back.

(Susanna)

Is this the night Brad did the flip on the Bathurst bus when it was going downhill and slid all the way to the front? The driver stopped the bus and asked if he was right in the head, and two older ladies kept repeating, "my, he flew."

The rest is a haze.

(Cory)

Brad thought he would be entertaining and opts to jump forward as the Bathurst bus brakes and rolls almost all the way to the front in his once white hoodie.

(Jeff)

I was sitting beside Brad on the left side of the bus at the back of the row. It was the only two-seater on the left side, so Brad had no seat in front of him. We were headed down the hill near Davenport. Brad somersaulted and slid to the front of the bus on his back when the driver braked. We all laughed so hard because it was really funny and drugs. The driver was annoyed and asked Brad if he was ok.

I'll never forget this innocent young girl sitting across from us, laughing her ass off, covering her mouth with her hand.

(Brad)

Got on the Bathurst bus to go to Janet's party. I sat beside a little Filipina lady. The bus stopped short, and I decided, in a split second, to release myself from gravity to see what would happen. I can fly. I landed at a lady's feet who looked terrified. I got back into my seat. My seatmate was quite impressed with my flight and said something like, "wow, you really flew." The bus driver was not impressed and asked me several times if I was ok. I can see that he was asking about my mental state rather than my physical self in hindsight.

The Party

(Jenn)

Now, it's been a long day of debauchery, luck, and giggles. Again, my memories of the house party are thin. I know that Jeff managed to break a closet door in the few hours we were there.

(Brad)

Got to Janet's place and had to turn my nice white hoodie inside-out because it was covered in bus floor dirt. Party stuff. Mike had a trippy bearded dragon running around. Someone got pushed into, or possibly through, the front Bloor Street window. Someone (Jeff?) fell through a closet door while trying to put shoes on for our exit.

(Jenn)

We buzzed around the party for a while, and finally, Derek and Cory called it a night. I decided this made them pussies and texted them, "You two don't even make one pussy. You fucking labia!" I followed that text up with "You Labia!" Cory's phone malfunctioned, and the text "You Labia!" was sent 100 times until his phone broke. The phone gods were on my side. Glorious. I wouldn't know that until morning.

(Jeff)

Next, I remember being in Janet's. It was rammed. An iguana was hating life and slapping us with his tail. At some point, I fell backward into a closet's sliding door and cut my foot on the door track.

We eventually left and got into a cab, where I blackout for the most part. It was Jen, Brad, and I in the cab. I think this is where Jen was texting Cory and Derek, telling them they were both labia's, and together they made a pussy. Lucky for everyone, a glitch occurred, and one of them received that same labia message 100 times.

The Cops are Here

(Jenn)

When we finally decided to leave the party, Brad decided to join Jeff and me back at our apartment for some spaghetti. We take the blue-light bus back up Bathurst and exit at our apartment on Homewood. Jeff decides doors and stairs are for suckers and decides to climb the tree outside of our balcony. We lived on the second floor, so it wasn't too much of a climb. Brad and I run giddily up to the apartment to watch Jeff's magnificent entrance. When I get there, I run out to the balcony and peer down at Jeffy. He looks up, notices me, and lets go of the tree. He lands on the ground below and injures his thumb in the process. It could have been worse. He makes his way back up to the apartment and heads directly to the bathroom to begin barfing. Brad has started the spaghetti, and I am jumping on Cory to wake him up. But no use. I make my way to the couch in the living room and pass out.

(Cory)

I can't recall where we went, but my tree climbing memory may be off. Was it when Jeff and Derek tried climbing up to our 2nd-floor apartment on Bathurst? I recall one of them almost making it, landing flush on the balcony below, and slumping over, seemingly injured.

(Jeff)

When we got back to our place, Jen and Brad walked inside the front door like normal people. They both jumped on Cory while he was asleep in his bed as soon as they walked into the apartment.

I, instead, got the bright idea to try and climb the tree up to our 2nd-floor balcony.

I made it almost all the way up, where I had reached physical and drunken exhaustion. But I was SO close, so I rested for a minute. I think this is when I actually fell asleep two stories up hugging a tree. I recall both Brad and Jen coming out to the balcony and looking down to check on me. I hear them call me. I remember looking up, and at the same time, letting go of my hold on the tree cause I was now asleep and forgot I was halfway up a tree.

I fell backward , breaking branches on the way down and slamming back first onto the grass.

I'm not sure the exact height I fell from, but I remember almost touching the edge of the balcony. So it had to have been 15-20 feet minimum. Considering how bad it could have been, I came out relatively unharmed.

My body was a little banged up, and I sprained my left hand. The worst part was that I had a critical performance that next week at college, and I was only able to fret my bass with two fingers. But I killed it and all was good.

Side note: Jen and I recently have speculated that this is a moment of my life where I could have injured my hip. Which could have possibly led to the recent hip replacement I had this year (2020). But who knows.

While I was lying on the ground groaning, all I remember is how hard Jen and Brad were laughing. Jen was cry-laughing. When they finally caught their breath, they said, "Jeff, just please say something, so we know you're alive."

I eventually got up, admitting defeat to the tree. I walked inside the building and up to the apartment, where I immediately busted into Cory's room and jumped on him while he was asleep.

(Brad)

Got home (for the night, that meant my friend's apartment). We listened to Jeff play Jaco's Blackbird about a million times on the bass.

I was burning something (grilled cheese, maybe?) in the kitchen, and the cops showed up. They asked to see a resident, and I remember laughing because it was going to have to be Jeff who was blackout.

(Jenn)

At this point, it is about 3 or 4 am, and there's a knock at the door. Jeff is still barfing, Cory is asleep, and I am passed out, so Brad answers the door. Two policemen are standing there and ask to see someone who is on the lease of the apartment. Brad yells, "The cops are here!" I reply, "GOOD!" but do nothing and Cory yells that he's not on the lease. Everyone can hear that Jeff is barfing, and Brad explains that he's just making spaghetti. I listened to the whole thing but couldn't bear to get up. The cops were laughing.

Eventually, Jeff manages to pull himself away from the toilet. He comes out to greet the cops by saying, "Sorry, I was barfing." The cops explained that someone called to report a person climbing a tree up to our balcony.

"Who called?"

"We can't tell you that, sir…."

"No, I just wanna say hi; I'm just going to say hi."

The cops continue to laugh.

"No, seriously, I just wanna say hi, that's all."

The cops finally leave. I don't know if I ate spaghetti or if anyone did.

(Jeff)

So, Brad was making Spaghetti, Jen was passed out on the couch, and I was puking in the bathroom.

This was when the cops knocked on the door...

Brad answered the door, but they would only talk to someone on the lease, which was Jen and I. Brad asked Cory to come to speak to them. "No! I'm not on the lease!"

Brad tells Jen to wake up the cops are here…She yells, "GOOD!!" And won't get up to talk to them. I finally stumble out of the bathroom. Apologizing to the cops, telling them, "Sorry, I was puking."

They proceeded to tell me there was a complaint from one of the neighbours because of the noise. And some idiot was trying to climb the tree out front. I cared very little about the warning and only cared about who complained. I wouldn't stop asking them who it was.

I kept saying, "please just tell me who complained. I'm not gonna do anything. I'm just gonna go say hi." They obviously did not give me that information and warned me to keep it down before leaving.

I don't remember if I ate spaghetti after that or just went to bed, but it sure smelled delicious. Thank you, Brad!

I woke up the following day really hungover, limping from the cut on my foot. My left hand was really sore and sprained.

I walked into the living room, stepped on a piece of a broken mug from the night before, and cut my other foot. So now I had a double limp going, and only one uninjured appendage left. But, as painful as it was, it was all worth it. I will never forget that epic night.

(Jenn)

I woke up in the morning on the couch and stepped on a broken coffee mug. But, all in all, we managed to make it through this adventure more or less unscathed: One blown up phone, a sprained thumb, and a cut foot - oh! and a big hole in the wall, and the door at the party, and Brad's sweatshirt...

(Brad)

This is probably several different memories jammed together.