A letter to my past self

If I could go back in time and pass my past self a letter, this is what i would write.

Dear Past Me:

Did you know I failed an exam? First time in our lives. I got an 18/40 in a Chinese exam. But in my defence it was really hard.

Did you know we got into one of the worst extracurricular in the school and we hate it with huge passion? Well i cant really defend myself on this one. But it was really competitive.

Did you know we made friends with the wrong person and she plagiarised my essay for an exam? And she got away with it? Partly my fault. I couldn’t gather the courage to snitch.

Did you know we feel left out among our friends everyday because we dont fit it? It’s kind of sad to be honest.

Did you know we miss our old friends everyday but we‘re drifting apart? The last time we met was three months ago. The group chat’s been silent ever since.

Life’s been kind of stagnant ever since we graduated primary school. There’s no spring in my step when i enter the classroom. No best friends to greet me the moment I arrive. No one to complain to when i feel upset. I go to school everyday and hope that my friend group remembers i exist when we go for lunch. But then, i had this epiphany. Bro, why am i feeling sad? Sad is for the weak.

So, did you know I’m the vice chairperson of my class now? I wasn’t expecting that.

Did you know that my friend group depends on me now? Another huge surprise.

Did you know that i got top in class for the math and geography exam? Huge confidence booster.

Did you know my old friends and i went to get ice cream together the other day? This was the best day of my life.

Did you know my backstabbing friend is friendless now? Ooh, revenge sure is sweet.

Did you know my extracurricular allowed me to make so many new friends?

Did you know that i enjoy school now? I know, like, what?

So, im kind of okay with life now. It isn’t too bad. Heck, its rather perfect. I may have gotten a bald spot from the numerous times i tried to rip my hair off trying to read Chinese or trying to find x, but i guess it was worth it. You’ll be going through this huge emotional rollarcoaster that you’ll beg to get off because it’ll flip you upside down more times than you can count and your glasses will come flying off your face and bird poop will fall on your clean white shirt. And when you get off, you’ll see the beach, the evening sky, feel the wind. And the journey seems worth it. You may have lost your voice from screaming so much and lost your glasses and your shirt may be stained, but still, i think you’d find it worthwhile. Because bad times dont last forever. They come and go. you’ll get trauma from it first i guess, then you’ll look bad and laugh at the memories in therapy. (im joking).

Point is, you wont feel sad forever. And you’ll learn so many things from the rollarcoaster. Maybe to put on contact lenses instead of glasses. Maybe to wear a black instead of a white shirt. Maybe to not scream so much. Because one way or another, you’ll be back on the exactly same rollarcoaster again.

But this time, you’re ready.

Love, your future self