7 Days of Grieving - 7

I didn't sleep well last night at all. Partly because of Spike Lee's movie watched the night before and partly because of my worries for my personal future and plans for the next four years. I'd fall asleep a couple of times but then would be jolted out of it by the realization that we only have about two months of relatively normal life. And then the elephant with a demolition chained ball will enter our fragile little shop of the American democracy.

In the morning, I did my usual class prep. I teach a Media and Society course on TTh, so I always am on the hunt for good relevant videos with the news and history to show in class. At 11 am, I had a brunch with one of my most brilliant students, now a graduate with a full-time sales job ("It's a job," she says, shaking her head, "better than nothing!") and plans to start a graduate program next fall.

The student is a member of LGBTQ community, and we voice our concerns to each other. Some new perspectives were acquired and plans have been developed as well and we will probably go to the Women's March together on January 18.

At noon, I returned to my office and prepped more for class and attended some urgent matters. I taught my class of 24 students at 1 pm, and eight students did not show up either because they were sick or burnt out.

Nothing unusual here: as we approach the Thanksgiving Break, more and more students are feeling the fatigue and some crack under pressure. I wish I had a luxury of writing to my Department Chair that I want to take a mental health day. Unfortunately, as teachers we are not supposed to do that, but when students ask me for leniency in attendance I try to accommodate.

After the class, I did more prepping (for tomorrow's classes) and some grading. Still horribly behind on grading, but that is not unusual either. I will definitely catch up over the break, ha-ha. As a point of distraction, I wrote another dark Russian humor drabble:

At 4 pm, I went to another faculty meeting. This one was not mandatory, but a lot of faculty members showed up to voice their concerns about where higher education is heading in general, quality of students and challenges of the teaching workload and other obligations. It was an open and honest conversation and it felt more like collective venting. Hopefully, something will come out of it. After the meeting, my department chair and I had an additional venting session. It's great when you see eye to eye with your boss.

Having distributed group project assignments for one of my classes tomorrow, I went home at 7:30 pm. Really hungry but dinner will have to be something of the leftovers - no time to cook. I had no time for knitting these two days either, so am planning to spend on it at least an hour, to finish the mittens. But alas, was able to finish only one, had no will power for the second one. And still need to tidy up by hiding the ends. At least I made half of the desired progress:

The routine in my life does help to concentrate on what needs to be done for my job. Generally, it’s a good thing as it keeps me distracted. But grief still washes over me at the most unexpected moments when realization comes that we will have Trump back in the White House in a couple of months. In those moments, I feel small and powerless.

But I keep telling myself that we’ll pull through. I want to hope so.

And this has been my last entry on grief. Will cope in other ways from now on. Thanks for joining me on this ride!