#20002908924834

Scattered throughout every room of my house you’ll find notebooks. Half started, sad, abandoned notebooks, each threaded with thoughts and musings. Some detailing the tangle of my mind covering at least a couple of decades. Others with scribbles, places and characters waiting to be developed. I start which such enthusiasm, and always, somewhere along the way I lose it. I’m not yet sure exactly what the barrier that stops me from finishing what I start is made of, but it’s there and I crash into it every time. I’m sure that if I were to read all I’ve written before, that I’ll find some words repeating just what I am writing here. Questioning myself as to why I can’t just carry on writing, why, when I put the pen and notebook down one day, with every intention of picking them up again, I never do.

It’s not limited to notebooks, I dread to think how many new notes have been started on my phone, tablet, laptop. Each title created in such a cloud of excitement and promise, only to fizzle down to just another forgotten note getting pushed lower and lower under each new creation. I did have a look to see if I could share the figure here, but the scroll through notes to get to the bottom seemed to be endless. While this could run the risk of sending me into despair, I think instead, I should see it as an opportunity to look back at the ideas I’ve had over the years. To see if anything can be brought back to life.

I want and plan for 2024 to be the year I start writing and continue writing to the end. I’m asking Vocal and it's wonderful community to hold me accountable, to be the place to store my words. I have to believe that sharing them in a public space will keep me accountable. It must hold more weight in accountability than when it’s just me being kept in the loop by myself. Rather selfishly, I find it comforting to know that someone else might be in a similar situation, that there might be one person who checks back to see if I’ve stuck to my word. I'd happily do the same for any of you.

I joined Vocal in March 2021, and naturally in the nearly three years since, I’ve written pieces, fuelled by challenges, inspired by other writers work. But very few of the pieces ever received an end, most never made it much beyond a paragraph or two. Those that did, I never dreamt of sharing because they were never perfect and the thought of them being read mortified me. This cycle of mine has been on repeat for too long. This year I am going to get out of my head and put ALL the words on to paper and share every imperfect piece. Starting now.

With 6 hours until the competition closes, my inner monologue started to chastise my lateness. Conveniently forgetting that since forever, every essay or piece of work I’ve needed to finish at a deadline has kept me up late into the night. So instead of bounding forwards expecting and willing great changes in my character, I’ll start small. Small little footsteps in the form of actually finishing and sharing the writings I start.

If you’re also crashing into that wall and you need an accountability partner, please say hello. As for #200 and making a start in 2024 - it’s short and it’s sweet but it’s written and it’s shared.

My #20002908924834 has been written and even made it to the end.