Organised Chaos

A chaotic mind inspires a chaotic life. Timekeeping and organisation have never been my strengths. I’ve made hundreds of attempts to organise my thoughts in order to help make better choices and to figure out where I’m headed, but they never last for long. Eventually my thoughts are everywhere again, my work life colliding with my personal life, my past anxieties mixing with my future worries and the present sits there, utterly neglected. So, as Spring begins, I’ve started a new technique and so far, it’s working. Instead of trying to do everything but achieving nothing, I’m slowing down and chilling out. Instead of tackling my entire To Do list, my challenge to myself is to cross off just three tasks a day.

For as long as I can remember, every year, at particular pivotal moments I rewrite my ‘Life To Do’ list and plan the next steps in my life, all that I think I want to happen. This has probably become an awful habit of mine but regardless, I often do this every New Year, Lent, my half birthday, my actual birthday and the start of all seasons. One year I gave up sugar for Lent, I even extended it thinking it could be my new thing, I lasted 73 miserable days. My half birthday is always a fun time, because it’s when I have my mid-year panic about being half a year away from being a whole year older and never closer to where I thought I would be. I’ve spent a very long time worrying about where I thought I should be that I don’t think I actually know where I want to be anymore. This Spring, I’m aiming low, taking small steps and instead of collapsing under the weight of my lists for life and goals I am going to limit myself to crossing off just three things a day. The list will be there in its entirety, ever growing no doubt, but if I look at it and prioritise three single items it should start moving in some sort of new and semi organised direction.

I’ve started doing this at work, and slowly but surely my To Do list is lessening, even the email responses and meetings I’ve been delaying because I don’t actually want to do are finally getting crossed off. Just three tasks a day, it even sounds manageable. I probably should confess that sometimes I don’t manage it, some days I just look at the list and sort of skirt my way around all of the items. However, in the main I’ve found it to be such a brilliant method to control my lack of control. Like a lot of people, the pandemic meant that most days I find myself on back-to-back meetings. I was panicking about not having time to do my actual work in between meetings. It was during this when a colleague suggested the idea to me, even better, that the meetings themselves could be crossed off as an achievement. It works a dream!

At least for the past seven years, I have felt like I’ve been drifting through my life making last minute decisions because of my terrible timekeeping. It certainly is not always an elegant drift, more like being buffeted in extreme winds, and every now and then there is a glorious lull where I feel on track again. As my previous attempts at reinvention have not worked for me, you might have thought I would have given up. Not quite, I’m dedicated to the cause and each year I start out with every intention of creating Amelia 2.0 or 3.0, I think I must be Amelia 42.0 by now. I start off well, I am really good at starting projects and picking up new hobbies but horrible at reaching a conclusion or continuing with said new hobby. I have notebooks for each ‘new start’ with half-filled or completely blank pages in all of them. This time round though, I am hopeful that the notebooks will fill up. As well as the big asks, my personal favourite being ‘figure out what I’m doing with my life’, I am adding simpler things to my list. The things I want to do and enjoy doing, but don't always feel I have time for. For example, read for ten minutes, pick up the paintbrush I put down years ago, spend half an hour on Duo Lingo learning Italian, clear some of the 15,000 photos off of my phone so I have enough space to redownload that dating app I deleted months ago. As long as I keep crossing off and prioritising no more and no less than three tasks (OK, maybe sometimes more and sometimes less), Amelia 43.0 will be underway, or perhaps I'll eventually be happy as Amelia 1.0.

If you’re like me and don’t always manage to see things through to the end, then you might as well give this tip a go, worst case scenario you end up with another half-filled notebook. On a final note, I’ll say that for the first time in a long time I have managed to sit down and write, ‘Write article for Spring Forward Vocal Challenge’ has successfully been crossed off my list. My time keeping skills still need a little work, as I finished this piece dangerously close to the deadline, but that can wait until the start of Summer, or my half birthday.