1% Yes 99% No

1% yes 99% no

It was 2003 i was 1o going on 11 years old i was a stage school kid, i was performing at the brian epstein theater in Liverpool England, at the time i performed there it was called The Neptune theatre, it maybe crazy how i remember the theatre i performed in that day but it just shows how much this effected me and how i just got on with at that age.

ok so i wasn't the best looking kid, heck i was weird i was a normal kid i had a crush on a boy at the stage school and everyone teased me for it, because i was to them weird and ugly.

i know i wasn't pretty or looked a little different to the other girls who were in the stage school at the time, there was a girl who was nice to me but close to my crush as they had been friends for a little longer than i did as they had been performing for about two years more than me, i was sitting waiting to go on stage.

We were performing a group number, we performed that number then returned backstage, i was talking to my 'friends' loosely here. I did have one friend but she wasn't involved in the horrible events that would happen.

sitting there the 'girl' walked over and asked if i 'liked' my crush, i said yeah as a friend 'obviously you get teased for having a crush at that age' and then some other girls who they all new joined in and that was it then they took an inch and ran a mile shall we say.

my crush was in the other dressing room next door, the girls ran round the corner to the other dressing room, and went and asked my crush if he liked me, i new he never liked me thats why i said yes i like him as a friend because i new he wouldn't like me and he too thought i was weird, anyway it was about twenty minutes later.

the 'girls' came back and said "he said 1% yes and 99% no" meaning he didn't like me even enough to be friends, apparently i was too ugly to even be friends with.

i know what you're thinking, tell the tutors, you see i would have told my tutors but there was a slight snag there, my tutors were his family so there was no way they were going to listen about the 'bullying' but.

So this was the beginning of self doubt and the wow like am really that ugly to be friends with, i was in year five in primary school and had no friends in school either.

High school was a little different. I did have friends but my confidence was still continuously knocked with being called a man, crazy frog and Spazzy hannah you name it i've probably been called it.

Even on nights out, i can't approach guys and feel uneasy because i know ill be told to no and all so i have also been pigged (check out my poem on that) you know a guy makes a bet with his friend for money and then well picks the ugliest girl in the room to dance with or ‘ask out’ then say the end of the night it was a joke, your messing have you seen you.

So this story started the path to not believing i am good enough i've left out names as i am not calling people out, i just thought i'd share my story.

but remember this quote, 'no one wants a carbon copy of the same person so just stand out and be yourself'.