What Hearing People Should Stop Saying to Deaf or Hard of Hearing Folks (With Sarcastic Responses)

Here's a list of things people are still saying to Deaf and Hard of Hearing People that make us cringe.

Warning: Sarcasm ahead. If you prefer gentle content, I hear the internet has plenty of cat videos.

Don't worry, I follow this list with factual answers.

The Tired Sarcasm

1. "Wow you speak so well"

Oh thank you. I’ve been practicing my whole life. Really hoping to win "America’s Next Top Hearing Person" this year.

2. “Never mind, it’s not important.”

Ah yes, the classic. Nothing says “I value you” like immediately deciding I don’t need information that literally everyone else just got.

3. “Can you read my lips?”

Sure. As long as you don’t talk fast, look away, cover your mouth, mumble, whisper, eat, drink, chew gum, or exist in low lighting.

So… no.

4. “You don’t look Deaf.”

Thank you for your expert medical evaluation based on… vibes, I guess?

5. “But you heard me yesterday.”

Ah yes — yesterday. When you were facing me, speaking clearly, and not yelling across a chaotic room like a seagull at a beach.

6. “Have you tried hearing aids?”

Yes, I’ve tried them. They amplify sound but not clarity, not comprehension, and definitely not the intelligence of the person asking this question.

7. “It must be so quiet in your world.”

Oh absolutely. Except for the constant screaming tinnitus soundtrack playing 24/7. Very peaceful.

8. “Can you drive?”

Yes, Deaf people can drive. We rely on visual awareness, you know, that thing everyone should be using behind the wheel. Our eyes??

9. “You’re lucky — I wish I didn’t have to listen to people.”

Want to trade? Cool! You get the communication barriers, the exhaustion, and the daily oppression. I’ll take your ability to hear and your confidence in saying things like this out loud.

10. “Just listen harder.”

Great idea. I’ll listen harder if you try thinking harder. Let’s both do impossible things today.

11. “I’ll just shout.”

You can shout if you want, but all that does is make your mouth move like a Muppet having an existential crisis. Still not helpful.

12. “Can you hear me now?”

If you say this, I automatically lose 10% more hearing out of spite.

13. “You’re not that Deaf.”

Great. Next you can tell me I’m not that tall, not that tired, and not that annoyed.

14. "But you’re using your phone — how can you be Deaf?”

Yes, I’m using a phone. It has texting, captions, apps… you know, modern inventions. Welcome to the future!

15. "Show me a cuss word in sign language"

Ah yes, the universal starter pack question. Because nothing says ‘respect for a language’ like immediately asking for the swear words.

16. “You’re so inspirational.”

Inspirational? No. You’re just surprised I function without centering your assumptions. That’s not inspiration, that’s your worldview cracking.

17. “I could never live like that.”

You couldn’t live like this because you’ve never had to. Big difference.

18. “But you’re so normal!”

Thank you for the stunning revelation that Deaf people are… people. Groundbreaking.

19. “Can you hear me if I cover my mouth?”

Because nothing says “I understand Deafness” like removing the one visual cue that actually helps.

20. “Do you know Braille?”

Because all disabilities are apparently one big combo pack, like a Costco bundle.

The Truth

1. "Wow you speak so well"

Many Deaf and Hard of Hearing people grow up speaking, using speech therapy, or learning to navigate hearing‑centric environments. Speaking “well” doesn’t mean we hear well — it means we’ve worked twice as hard to communicate in a world not built for us.

2. “Never mind, it’s not important.”

This phrase excludes us from conversations, decisions, and relationships. It signals that our access isn’t worth the extra few seconds it takes to repeat something.

3. “Can you read my lips?”

Lipreading is extremely difficult and unreliable. Most English sounds look identical on the lips. Even skilled lipreaders catch only a portion of what’s said.

4. “You don’t look Deaf.”

Deafness has no “look.” It’s an invisible disability. People of all backgrounds, identities, and appearances can be Deaf or Hard of Hearing.

5. “But you heard me yesterday.”

Hearing levels fluctuate depending on environment, background noise, fatigue, and positioning. Understanding speech is not a consistent, guaranteed ability.

6. “Have you tried hearing aids?”

Hearing aids don’t “fix” hearing. They amplify sound, but they don’t restore clarity, reduce background noise, or make speech magically understandable. Many Deaf and Hard of Hearing people use them, but they’re tools — not cures.

7. “It must be so quiet in your world.”

Deaf and Hard of Hearing people experience a wide range of hearing levels — some hear certain sounds, some hear very little, and some hear none at all. And for many of us, it’s not quiet at all because tinnitus can create constant ringing, buzzing, or roaring. Deafness doesn’t automatically mean silence.

8. “Can you drive?”

Deaf people drive safely and legally. Visual awareness, mirrors, and flashing emergency lights make driving accessible. Studies show Deaf drivers are as safe — or safer — than hearing drivers because they rely on visual attention.

9. “You’re lucky — I wish I didn’t have to listen to people.”

Deafness isn’t an escape from communication; it often means more work — navigating barriers, advocating for access, and dealing with constant misunderstandings. It’s not a luxury; it’s a lived experience.

10. “Just listen harder.”

Hearing isn’t a muscle you can flex. If the auditory system can’t process sound clearly, “trying harder” doesn’t change that. Communication access requires strategies, not willpower.

11. “I’ll just shout.”

Shouting distorts speech and makes lipreading harder. Clear speech, good lighting, and facing the person are far more effective than volume. Try other alternatives like writing or texting instead.

12. “Can you hear me now?”

Hearing ability doesn’t fluctuate based on catchphrases. Understanding depends on environment, clarity, background noise, and individual hearing levels — not on someone repeating a commercial slogan.

13. “You’re not that Deaf.”

Deafness exists on a spectrum. People may hear some sounds and not others, or understand speech in certain conditions but not in others. No one else gets to rank someone’s Deafness.

14. "But you’re using your phone — how can you be Deaf?”

Phones are visual tools now — texting, captions, video calls, apps, and messaging. Deaf people use technology every day; hearing isn’t required to use a smartphone.

15. "Show me a cuss word in sign language"

ASL is a full language with grammar, structure, and cultural depth. Reducing it to “teach me a swear word” treats it like a novelty instead of a legitimate language.

16. “You’re so inspirational.”

Calling someone “inspirational” for living their everyday life can be unintentionally patronizing. Deaf people aren’t inspirational for existing — they’re people navigating a world not designed for them.

17. “I could never live like that.”

Humans adapt. Deaf and Hard of Hearing people build rich, full lives with community, culture, and communication strategies. What seems impossible to someone else is simply normal life for us.

18. “But you’re so normal!”

Deaf people are normal. Deafness is a human variation, not a personality trait or a barrier to being a whole, complex person.

19. “Can you hear me if I cover my mouth?”

Covering the mouth removes visual cues that many Deaf and Hard of Hearing people rely on. Lipreading isn’t perfect, but it’s often an important part of communication access.

20. “Do you know Braille?”

Braille is for people who are blind or have low vision. Deafness and blindness are different disabilities. Not all Deaf people are blind, and not all blind people are Deaf.

In Case It Wasn’t Clear

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations! You’ve survived twenty rounds of things Deaf and Hard of Hearing people hear (or don’t hear) on a regular basis. If you’re feeling a little uncomfortable, good. That means you’re paying attention.

Here’s the blunt truth:

None of these comments are new. None of them are rare. And none of them are harmless. They’re tiny reminders that the world still defaults to hearing people, still treats Deafness like a curiosity, a tragedy, or a personality trait instead of a human experience.

Sarcasm is how we cope.

Facts are how we teach.

But change? That’s on everyone else.

If you’re hearing and you’ve said some of these things before, don’t panic, you’re not being sentenced to the Bad Person Corner. You’re being invited to do better. Ask better questions. Offer access without making it weird. Repeat yourself without sighing. Stop assuming Deaf people are inspirational for existing, or broken for communicating differently.

And if you’re Deaf or Hard of Hearing, you already know the deal. You’ve been navigating this circus your whole life. You’ve built strategies, community, humor, resilience, and a level of patience that should honestly qualify you for sainthood.

So here’s the final takeaway, wrapped in the same sarcasm that got us through the list:

We’re not fragile. We’re not mysteries. We’re not your inspiration posters.

We’re just people trying to live our lives without being treated like walking teachable moments.

If you want to support us, start with this:

Believe us. Include us. Communicate with us like adults.

And maybe— just maybe — think your questions a little harder.